*Edward*
I pulled into the parking lot of the office the next morning, setting my lips in a straight line as I saw Bella leaning against the trunk of her car with her eyes staring down at her feet and a coffee cup in her hands.
I hadn't been sure what to say to her after the whole coffee shop incident and had honestly been dreading having to go into work. I'd even given some serious thought into calling out and giving myself an entire day to myself before I had to face the crazy mess that had been Bella Swan yesterday afternoon.
But I figured that Carlisle probably wouldn't appreciate having me call out on my fourth day of work so I'd sucked it up, gotten ready for work and had been giving myself a pep talk on any way possible to get out of this impromptu dinner she'd suggested yesterday before everything had gone to hell.
I liked hanging out with the Bella that had saved me from Tanya and yelled at her printer; not the Bella that had frozen me out upon the mention of what I thought was clearly an engagement question.
It made sense, damn it. Just because she didn't have a ring on her finger didn't mean a damn thing. Maybe they couldn't afford it or she had some kind of feminist, fiercely independent side to her that meant she didn't want a ring unless it was a wedding ring.
I hadn't expected the slight pang of jealousy and disappointment that had surged through my stomach, but I hadn't expected her to get all frigid and dash off into the bathroom, either.
I didn't want the drama.
Fuck if I didn't still want to know what had happened to her, though. There had to be something obviously going on to get that kind of a reaction from her after a seemingly innocent, simple question.
Sighing heavily, I pulled into a parking spot and hastily shoved the car into park before running my hands through my hair, grabbing my keys and briefcase and shoving my way out of the car.
I looked over at her and saw that she was biting her bottom lip as she looked in my direction, one of her feet digging into the pavement below her as she stepped away from her car and waited for me.
Sighing heavily and fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the both of us, I squared my shoulders and stopped in front of her.
I must enjoy this kind of torture to keep going back for more. She'd give me a glimpse of her issues, run away from me and then expect everything to be okay again if she just bought me a cup of coffee.
I wish I knew why the fuck it mattered to me to know all about this so damn much.
She stuck her hand out, holding the coffee out to me and still gnawing on her bottom lip as she stared at my chin.
"I want to," she started, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets once I cautiously took the cup from her and shaking her head slightly, "I want to apologize for yesterday."
"You don't…"
"My father left us when I was three and Emmett was one," she blurted out quickly, her eyes immediately back on the ground. "He said that he didn't want to be a father anymore and left it all on my mom's shoulders. He doesn't remember Emmett's birthday and he only shows up when we do something that makes him look good. Neither of us wants much to do with him. I've been saving up the money to change my last name and soon enough, I'll be able to." She huffed out a deep breath and I stood incredibly still, gaping at the top of her head. "It was an overreaction on my part last night and… I'm sorry."
I continued to gape at the top of her head, slowly shaking my head side to side and trying to get my tongue to cooperate with me so that I could actually respond to her.
Of all the things that she could've said to me, that was not one of the things that I'd ever been expecting to hear.
Once again, I felt like an ass for even thinking any of those things about her. She had a damn good reason for shutting me out last night and I had no right to think anything of what I had been.
She finally looked up at me when I failed to say anything and I saw her face twist and watched her cringe, shaking her hands out of her pockets and wrapping her arms around her chest protectively.
"So… I'm sorry. I'll… uhm… I'll see you inside."
She shook her head and turned on her heel, mumbling to herself as she started to walk to the door.
"Bella," I blurted out, quickly catching up to her and stepping into stride with her. "It's okay."
"You don't need to be nice to me anymore," she grumbled. "I get it."
"But I want to be nice to you."
"Why?" she sighed, abruptly coming to a stop and reaching up to rub her fingertips on her forehead. "I'm not worth your time, Edward."
"Don't you think that's something I need to decide?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.
"I'm nothing like you think I am."
"I like that."
"What?"
"Why would I want to talk to someone who is the exact same as anyone else in the entire world? It gets boring hearing the same shit out of people's mouths all the time, Bella and you've been one of the few that I've met in the past few days that have kept my interest."
"There are at least three other people in that office that you could talk to if you really wanted to," she stated quietly, pointing over her shoulder.
"Well, I don't want to," I said stubbornly, jutting my chin out and looking down at her. "I like going to get coffee with you."
She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest again, shaking her head.
"When I don't freak out over easy questions, right?"
"Everyone has a past, Bella," I said quietly, shifting on my feet and tapping my fingertips against the cup.
"Even you?"
I nodded, sighing quietly and lifting the cup to my lips. This time, I was the one avoiding her eyes.
"Even me."
"Still even," she said quietly.
I merely nodded and sipped off the coffee again, clenching my teeth together as I looked back down at her.
"Did you… uhm." She cleared her throat and tapped her toes on the pavement. "Did you still want to do dinner tonight?"
"If you want to," I said quietly, nodding.
"If you want to."
I smirked and rolled my eyes, taking a chance and turning slightly to nudge my elbow against hers.
"You buying?"
I almost fell over in shock when she elbowed me gently in the ribs, but managed to not trip over my own two feet as we began walking towards the door again.
"As long as you spring for tomorrow's dinner then yeah, I'll buy tonight."
Tomorrow? She was making plans with me for tomorrow after work?
I felt like scratching my head, turning to stare at her and asking her what the fuck happened to the jumpy, scared girl that I'd met on my first day here and had been trying to crack since she'd first saved me from Tanya.
Because this girl – the one who was actually freely having a little physical contact with me and making plans for tomorrow – was nothing like her.
"Or… you know, if you have plans…" she mumbled.
Ah, there she was.
"No, that's fine. Tomorrow, I'll buy dinner."
We reached the door and I quickly balanced my coffee cup and briefcase in the same hand, pulling it open for her and watching as she looked up at me, smiled, and walked in ahead of me.
I blinked at her back as she shrugged out of her coat, slowly walking in behind her and setting my briefcase and coffee cup on the floor at my feet to do the same.
Now I was just back to being really fucking confused. If I thought I was the moody one before, I had nothing on Bella.
"Good morning, guys!" Alice chirped from her perch behind the front desk when the door slammed shut behind me.
"Morning, Alice!" Bella chirped back, hanging up her coat and shouldering her purse before walking through the door.
I openly stared at her as she appeared behind the desk, slowly hanging up my coat before bending down to grab my briefcase and coffee.
"Morning, Alice," I finally managed, shaking my head to clear it a little.
Alice shrugged at me and smiled. I huffed quietly and made my way through the side door, walking down the hallway and into the supply room. I set my briefcase down before walking back out, nearly colliding with Carlisle.
"Edward!" he exclaimed brightly, shoving a basket of what I assumed were more oatmeal raisin cookies into my hands. "They're going to be moving the rest of the furniture into your office later today."
"Great. Thanks," I smiled, eyeing the basket. "Your wife really didn't have to do this."
"She wanted to. Now, I don't know if the girls have told you yet, but we have an office Christmas party every year at the house on Christmas Eve. I hope you'll come." He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows. "Unless you're going back to Chicago for the holidays, of course."
"No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I'll be here."
"Well, okay then!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Alice will give you all the specifics. She goes all out on this."
"Alice does? At your house?"
I think I missed some very important information along the way. Why in God's name would Alice – the girl that worked for him – put together an entire Christmas party at his house?
Carlisle just smiled and shrugged easily.
"She's dating my son, Jasper. She's like a part of the family and she loves the holidays. It works out well for everyone that way."
"All right," I said slowly, nodding.
He hadn't been kidding about that family stuff.
"Great! We'll get everything all figured out for everyone when it gets a little closer to the time."
"That would be good," I nodded, chuckling a little.
He laughed loudly and clapped me on the back before heading into the bathroom. I shook my head again and started back to the front office, wondering yet again what I'd gotten myself in to when I decided that I wanted to work here.
I stopped just outside the office door when I heard loud laughter, immediately picking Bella's out of the bunch. I'd only heard it that one time at the coffee shop, but I was positive in saying that I'd recognize it anywhere. It was so carefree and so happy; the complete opposite of what she'd been the past few days that I've known her. I liked hearing it; knowing that she wasn't always so detached and scared all the time. She could laugh and enjoy herself.
"And then he points at me, says 'Bella, you're my bestest friend' before falling onto the floor, hitting his head on the edge of his train table and he was out," Bella squeaked.
Jake?
I pushed through the door to see both Alice and Angela – who had seemed to appear out of thin air all within the two minutes it took me to walk back this way – bent over in their chairs, gasping out laughter.
"He is not going to live that down," Alice gasped, sitting up straight and pointing at Bella. "Hey, Edward."
"Hey," I chuckled, shaking my head at the three of them. "Do I want to know?"
"My brother was quite smashed last night," Bella said proudly, looking up at me and nodding.
"He didn't have a concussion or anything, did he?" Angela asked, still gasping for air as she wiped a few tears from her cheeks.
"You've seen Emmett, Ang," Bella laughed, looking back at her and shaking her head. "Do you really think something like the edge of a table is going to hurt his thick head?"
She nodded, tilting her head from side to side before running her hands through her hair and taking a deep breath. Her eyes zeroed in on the basket in my hands and I watched her lick her lips.
"What do you have there, Edward?"
I smirked and held up the basket to her.
"Carlisle's wife apparently felt the need to make me some more oatmeal raisin cookies."
"Really?" Alice asked, her eyes attached to the wicker basket as well.
I laughed and walked in between Angela and Alice, setting the basket down and stepping back as they practically pounced on it. Bella laughed and I looked back at her, smirking as she shook her head. I walked over to her and leaned on her side of the counter, crossing my ankles and watching as the other two grabbed as many cookies as possible in their hands, eyeing each other.
"I hope you didn't want any of those."
"Nah," I shook my head, laughing. "I'm good."
"Good. Because to them, those cookies are better than gold."
"Better than clothes!" Alice called out through a mouthful.
"Almost better than sex," Angela moaned, dropping her head back onto her shoulders as she chewed.
"Well, then I don't know what kind of sex you're having lately, but even as good as these are, they don't come close to sex," Alice drawled.
"Oh, good Lord," Bella mumbled, laughing and shaking her head as she reached up to tap her fingertips against her forehead.
"I'm having great sex, thank you very much," Angela stated, picking her head back up and narrowing her eyes at Alice. "But there are just some things that top it sometimes."
"Maybe you need some pointers then."
"I don't need any damn pointers! I'm very well aware of the logistics, Alice!"
"If you think cookies are better than sex, then you obviously don't, honey." Alice shook her head sympathetically, clucking her tongue. "We'll talk."
"No, we won't! My sex life is fine!"
"Do you want a muffin?" Bella laughed, looking up at me.
I agreed, shaking my head at Alice and Angela as they kept arguing and pushed myself off the counter, waiting for Bella to stand up and walk ahead of me.
"Is the coffee okay?" she asked as we walked into the small blue and white kitchen.
"Oh, yeah. It's perfect. Thank you."
"You're welcome," she said softly, nodding as she plucked a muffin out of the white box in the middle of the round table.
"Are they always like that?"
Are you always like that around them?
She laughed and nodded, picking the top of the muffin apart and popping a piece into her mouth.
"You'll get used to them. It takes a while."
I smirked and nodded, raising my coffee to my lips and watching her over the rim. She was fidgeting nervously with the paper around the muffin and only looking up at me when she had to, but at least she seemed a lot more relaxed than she usually was when we were alone together. And that was probably the biggest accomplishment I could even hope for today.
~*~
"Hey, Edward?"
I looked up from the file on my desk – yes, my actual desk – to see Alice standing in the doorway, her purse slung over her shoulder and her jacket on.
The infamous Esme had shown up about an hour before office hours closed with a herd of men carrying furniture in through the lobby and into the door that had been mainly closed since I'd arrived. Thankfully, there hadn't been any patients and I hadn't been able to figure out if that was on purpose or not.
Either way, I didn't care. I had an actual office and I wouldn't have to deal with that fucking copier for anything more than its purpose. No more sore elbows for me. I had an office with a beautiful mahogany desk, one of the most comfortable chairs my ass had ever had the privilege of sitting in, an entire wall of bookshelves that I needed to fill immediately so that it didn't look so bare and a cream colored carpet that I could sleep on comfortably if I needed to.
I'd had to reign in the incredible urge I felt at hugging Esme to within an inch of her life before she and Carlisle left for the day. I'd had to stop myself from giving in to the need to plaster myself against the desk and stay there for the rest of the night, too.
"Yeah?"
Alice bit her bottom lip briefly before stepping in completely and closing the door behind her.
Okay, so this was clearly not a mere social call it seems.
"Are you interested in Bella?"
My eyes widened and the pen in my hand fell to the floor.
"Excuse me?"
She merely raised an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms over her chest.
"You heard me."
"I like hanging out with her," I managed, clearing my throat. "Why?"
"Is it more than that?"
"I just met her!"
I just met you so what's with the third degree already?
"She's been through a lot, Edward."
I nodded, licking my lips and taking a deep breath.
"She told me about her father."
Her eyes widened and she dropped her arms, staring at me in disbelief.
"She did?" she asked, her voice monotone and the complete opposite of the shock on her face.
I nodded, reaching down to grab my pen.
"Yes, this morning."
"Oh."
"Can I ask why it's a big deal?" I asked, threading the pen through my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.
Alice blinked and shook her head, taking a deep breath.
"Please be patient with her," she said quietly, her eyes pleading with me. "She needs time, but she's so worth it."
"Alice, I'm not interested in her that way, okay? We're just hanging out."
"I mean it." She pointed at me and seemed to ignore everything I just said. "She deserves to be happy. Just because I don't know your story doesn't mean I can't see how much you need someone like Bella."
"Alice, I already told you…"
"And I already told you," she countered softly. "Be patient and you won't regret it."
With that, she turned on her heel, flung open the door and left me wanting to smash my face against the fucking wall.
I don't want a relationship. Not with Bella, not with anyone. I wanted to be free and single and I didn't want to have to answer to anyone else.
Then why are you always so lonely when you go home at night?
I growled at the voice in my head and slapped the pen on my desk, glaring at the door that Alice had left open and reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair.
Was it written somewhere that just because I took an interest in talking to someone of the opposite sex that I immediately had to be looking to date them? I couldn't just want to get to know them and be friends with them? Why did there always have to be an ulterior motive?
"Hey, you all right?"
I focused on the person standing in the doorway when I heard Bella's voice and shot her a tentative smile, nodding and sitting up straight. She'd been so free with me today and I sure as hell didn't want her thinking that I was pissed off at her. That had happened yesterday and the overall outcome really wasn't something I wanted to revisit.
"So? What do you think?" I asked, leaning back in the chair and spreading my arms at my sides. "Pretty fucking nice, huh?"
She laughed and nodded, walking in and setting a menu on the desk before sitting in one of the chairs across from me.
"Esme never does anything half-assed. Decide what you want," she stated, nodding towards the bright green paper in front of me. "I'll go get it."
"Don't they deliver or something?"
"And what am I gonna do until they get here? Stare at you?" she laughed, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in the chair to cross her arms over her chest. "That won't be much fun."
"Ha, ha," I drawled, smirking at her and snatching the menu. "You're just full of it today, aren't you?"
"I had a pretty good night last night," she nodded, stretching her arms out in front of her and rubbing her palms on her thighs.
"Why's that?" I asked absently, perusing the menu choices.
"Hung out with my brother. He always makes me feel better."
"You two are close?"
"We have to be."
I folded my bottom lip into my mouth and nodded, looking up at her over the edge of the paper to see that she was staring at her knees.
"And your mom? Are you close with her, too?"
She nodded, tapping her fingertips against her kneecaps and I looked back at the menu, not wanting to chance pushing her back into her shell.
"They're my best friends. The only ones that have ever stuck around for me."
"Well, that's always nice," I nodded, trying to decide between the chicken parmigiana and a steak.
"What about you? Are you close to your parents?"
"No," I snapped, glaring up at her. "I'm not."
The innocent and slightly relaxed look on her face immediately disappeared but at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to feel bad or care much.
"I'll have the chicken parmigiana," I nearly growled, all but throwing the menu back at her. "Thank you."
She quickly grabbed the menu from where it landed on the edge of my desk and ran out. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair. I listened as the main door slammed a few minutes later, echoing around the empty office before I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the files on my desk.
I had been close to my mother at one time. My father hadn't been around much for me to develop any kind of emotional ties – aside from obligation. They were one of the reasons that I was even in this town to begin with. I came here to escape them and all that being a Masen had entailed.
So, no, my parents and I were not close. We were not the typical American family and I did not want anything to do with them. I didn't want to talk about them, I didn't want to think about them and I sure as hell didn't want to be linked to them more than I was already bound to.
I continued to stare at the files, the spark of anger and resentment waning only slightly before I heard the door slam again. I looked down at my watch, blinking when I saw that it was already an hour after the office had closed.
It felt like Bella had just left.
Bella. Shit.
I looked up when I heard her footsteps just outside my office door a few minutes later. She walked in, her head down and a black plastic to-go container in her hands.
The anger was gone and guilt was quickly taking its place, gnawing on the edges of my stomach and creeping up my throat as I watched her slowly cross the room to me.
"Here," she said quietly, her voice shaking as she placed it on the edge of my desk, plastic wrapped utensils on the top.
"Thanks," I said softly, hoping that she'd look up at me.
Fucked this up nice and well, didn't you?
She nodded and turned on her heel, quickly walking to the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I, uhm… I have some stuff I forgot to do. I'll eat out there."
"Wait, Bella…"
"You need to work."
She darted out of the room before I could say anything else and I slammed my wrists on the desk in total frustration.
She was finally opening up and laughing around me, openly talking to me and I have to go and let my stupid fucking parents help ruin that, too. They were in a completely different state and they could still manage to fuck things up for me.
Fucking perfect.
Resisting the urge to put a hole through one of the walls or the top of this gorgeous, brand new desk I was sitting at with my fists, I stood up and took a few deep breaths before walking out and down the hallway. The door was open and I could see Bella sitting at her space, picking at her bottom lip with one hand and the other tapping a fork against the unopened to-go container that matched the one she'd set on my desk. Her eyes were focused on something in front of her and I swallowed hard at seeing that lost and heartbroken look back on her face.
It had been gone every time I'd seen her throughout the day and with a few innocent questions and harshly spoken answers – completely reversing what had happened between us yesterday at the coffee shop – she was back to being the scared little rabbit I'd met four days ago.
"You should be working," she said quietly as I walked in and stood awkwardly in the doorway.
"You should be, too."
"I'm not getting paid to be here," she countered, her eyes still fixed on whatever it was in front of her.
Ouch.
"Bella…"
"You owe me no apologies or explanations," she said quickly, her eyes sliding closed and the fork clattering to the counter as she dropped it and placed both hands in her lap. "Please don't feel like you do."
"You just asked me a simple question."
"Yes, well, I know better than anyone what a simple question can do to you. I'm sorry for prying."
"But you weren't," I sighed, slightly exasperated that she wasn't even giving me the chance to explain.
"Are we still even?" she asked softly, her eyes opening and sliding over to me, looking down at the floor near my feet.
I shifted awkwardly and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Well… yeah, but you…"
"Then yes, I was prying. And I'm sorry for it." She nodded and leaned forward, grabbing her container and carefully pulling off the top. "I'll be out here if you need anything from me. I hope your dinner is good."
This wasn't how this night was supposed to go. We were supposed to be eating in the same room and I'd hoped beyond all measure that she'd laugh with me, stay relaxed and start to enjoy my company.
"My father wasn't home much," I started, swallowing hard. "He's a doctor, too and he wasn't home-"
"Just because I told you about my father this morning doesn't mean that you have to return the favor," she interrupted, grabbing her fork and stabbing at a carrot. "I'm not asking you for anything, Edward. I never will."
I wanted to pull my hair out.
"Fine," I finally snapped, throwing my hands in the air even as she flinched. "Just forget about the whole damn thing. Don't stay here for me if you don't fucking want to."
I turned around and was a step out the door when I heard her voice, soft and laced with that fucking painful tone I'd heard from her too many times before.
"I told you that you were wasting your time."
I reached up and rubbed my face, groaning softly into my hands and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down.
Maybe she was right. Maybe Tanya was right, too. Maybe they were both right and I was the asshole walking into a situation that I shouldn't have to deal with. Maybe I should've just gone to New York City like I was originally going to. Far enough away from absolutely everything that I was trying so hard to get away from and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. Maybe I could still go there. Maybe I could go there, disappear into the crowds and forget everything about my former life and everything that I'd walked in to when I walked into this fucking office four damn days ago.
I dropped my hands and turned around when I heard a sharp pop to see that she'd placed the plastic cover back onto her dinner and had her purse slung over her shoulder, her bottom lip caught tightly in between her teeth to the point where I was sure she was going to draw blood from it in a matter of seconds. She slid her chair underneath the counter and grabbed the container, her head down as she started in my direction.
"Bella," I said softly, guilt creeping up my spine.
She jumped and screamed a little, dropping the entire container on the floor. I watched as she reached up and covered her face with her hands, shaking her head and taking an audibly shaky deep breath. I swallowed hard and bent down, picking up the container and offering it back to her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her hands shaking as she dropped them to her sides. "I… I'll go and I'll leave you alone, okay? I won't… I won't ask you for anything that doesn't revolve around work, okay?" She grabbed the container from my hands and started to walk around me. I blocked her way and she flinched away from me. "Edward, please. I-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean any harm. Just… I'm trying to go. Please let me go."
"I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Why not? Everyone else does it just fine. Call Jake, he'll even give you some pointers." Her voice broke and I clenched my teeth together. "I've got an entire list of people you could talk to that have made it seem like a cake walk when they leave."
"Did it ever occur to you that I'm not like everyone else?" I asked softly, fighting the surprising urge I felt to brush her hair from her face. "Come and eat with me, Bella."
"You don't want me to."
"I never said that."
"You didn't have to."
"I want you to come and sit with me. I want to have dinner with you."
"You don't have to do this. Don't feel bad about this, okay? I made the mistake. I'm trying to make it right."
"If you're trying to make it right then you need to come and have dinner with me. That's the only way."
"You have work to do."
I shrugged one shoulder, leaning against the doorjamb and watching her cautiously as I made enough room in the doorway for her to leave if she really wanted to. It surprised me at how much I didn't want her to leave. I really did want her to stay – even after all of the shit we'd already been through in the past twenty minutes, I still wanted her to stay and keep me company.
"I'll get it done one way or another."
"I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am."
"If I promise to annoy the fuck out of you all day tomorrow, will you come and sit with me tonight?"
She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow.
"What?"
I raised my own eyebrow at her and shrugged, smirking.
"You seem to think you're bothering me right now, so if I promise to annoy you beyond words tomorrow during work, will you have dinner with me tonight?"
"That doesn't even…"
"I want to have dinner with you tonight, Bella," I said quietly, nodding once. "If you really want to go, I'll let you but I really want you to come and sit with me."
She shook her head and closed her eyes, reaching up with her free hand to rub her fingertips against her forehead.
"That doesn't make sense," she whispered, still shaking her head.
"Why?"
"You wanted me to… you said to forget… oh, I hate men."
I barked out a laugh and quickly covered my mouth with my hand as her head snapped up to mine, her eyes narrowed at me.
"You talk in circles!" she accused.
"So do you!"
She huffed and dropped her hand onto the container in her hands, pursing her lips at me.
"You really want me to stay?"
I dropped my hand to stuff it in my pocket and nodded.
"I really want you to stay. Gotta christen the new office, you know."
Her mouth dropped open and I laughed loudly, thankful that I was already leaning against the doorjamb or I probably would've fall on my ass.
"Ass," she mumbled, shaking her head and twisting her lips to the side.
"Come on," I laughed, motioning with my head to the hallway. "I'm hungry."
"I really am sorry," she said quietly, biting her bottom lip and looking down at her feet.
"Don't be," I said just as quietly, standing up straight. "Please."
She nodded and I turned around, looking over my shoulder as I started back to my office and watched as she followed a few steps behind me, her purse still over her shoulder and the container still gripped tightly in her hands. I looked straight ahead again, biting the inside of my cheek as I walked into my office again. I grabbed the container and placed it in the middle of my desk as I rounded it, watching as Bella awkwardly sat down in one of the chairs in front of me again. She slowly set her purse on the floor and the container on the very edge of the desk, her eyes cast down and her posture rigid.
I did that to her this time. She was uncomfortable because of what I'd done and said to her.
I swallowed hard and sat down, grabbing my plastic utensils before flicking open the top of the container and staring down at it.
"My mother didn't want me to become a doctor," I said quietly, taking a deep breath and looking up at her.
"You don't…"
"My father is a doctor and he was never home," I continued, shaking my head slightly. "I spent all my time with my mother and she gave free music lessons to anyone who wanted them. She taught me to play the piano and the guitar."
Bella looked up at me then, her eyes focused on my face as she placed her hands in her lap and leaned in.
"I resented my father almost as much as she did by the time I was graduating high school. I don't think that I've ever had a meaningful conversation with him in my entire life." I scoffed and reached up to run a hand through my hair. "I didn't want to be a doctor at first and when I made it to college, I was a music major. I was damn good at the piano and I enjoyed it. It was my outlet."
She was nodding at me, her lips pressed into a tight line.
"My roommate was taking courses to be a doctor and I finally asked him why he wanted to be one. I hadn't had the best example in my life and the thought of spending so much time away from my family when I finally had one and practically living at the hospital repulsed me." I smirked and shook my head, my hand automatically threading through my hair again. "But he told me that he wanted to save lives. He wanted to have that… pride at the end of the day when he went home and could say that he'd had a hand in saving someone's life. Keeping a family together and helping add on as many more years as they were supposed to have to their lives. And I just… got it."
I dropped my hand to the arm rest, shaking my head again.
"He still had time to go out with friends at the end of the day. He still went home during the holidays and he still had a life outside of our studies. He worked hard and he busted his ass all the time, but he could still enjoy himself." I licked my lips and huffed out a breath. "And I realized that if Garrett could still have a life outside of everything, then why couldn’t my father?"
"Edward, I'm so…"
"I'm not done," I said quietly, smiling softly at her.
She returned it weakly and nodded at me.
"I went with him to class one day out of pure curiosity. Just to see what it was all about and I spent the entire hour completely… enraptured with everything the professor was saying." I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. "I went and changed my major the minute I could. I called my mother that night, told her…" I absently scratched at my arm as I twisted my lips to the side. "She threatened to call and pull me out altogether and I told her that I'd do everything in my power to get back as soon as possible. She screamed and ranted and cried… called me a traitor; she brought up every little thing my father had ever done to us and my only response was that I wasn't him." I watched as she looked down at her lap. "She never forgave me for betraying her."
"But you didn't," Bella said quietly, shaking her head. "You followed your heart. You should always follow your heart."
"My mother didn't see it that way."
"She should've supported you." I was surprised to hear the hint of anger in her voice and sat back in my chair, watching as she puffed out her cheeks. "That's what mothers are supposed to do. They're supposed to support you on everything that you want to do and it doesn't matter if it doesn't fit into their plans for you. Your happiness should mean everything to them."
"It sounds like your mother is a very amazing woman, Bella," I said softly.
She looked up at me and nodded.
"She is. She supports me the way that yours should've supported you. A mother should never say those things or make you feel bad about what you want to do for the rest of your life. It's your life and you're going to be stuck in whatever decision you made back in college. You need to be happy in what you're doing."
"I am now."
"It's something she should've supported you on. She should've been happy that you had that immediate passion for something that she didn't understand. You could've shown her differently; shown her that you're different than your father."
I nodded, impressed as I thought over her words. She was absolutely right. Her face was red, her eyes were narrowed at her legs; she looked pretty damn annoyed and she was pretty damn annoyed for something that I had to go through. I'd heard of people being upset and pissed off about things that had happened to other people, but I'd never had anyone react this way to me.
I couldn't say that I hated it. I wasn't sure what to do with it, but I definitely didn't hate it.
"That wasn't right of her at all," she said softly, shaking her head and sighing. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that."
I smirked at her and shrugged, finally opening my wrapped utensils and pulling them out.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
I smiled as I cut into my chicken and speared it on the end of my fork, raising it in a mock toast to her.
"For listening."
