*Edward*
"Favorite color?"
I barely looked up from the chart I was looking at as I passed her in the hallway, smirking.
"Green. Yours?"
"Orange!" she called out.
I laughed softly as I pushed through the heavy door to my patients' room.
We'd been throwing questions out at each other all morning. It had started last night when we went back to her apartment to eat. She hadn't asked about my past – either she didn't remember what I'd told her that night at the bar or she didn't want to push just yet – and I hadn’t asked about hers, as promised. I felt guilty enough as it was and every time I thought about the way she clung to me while she cried, my heart clenched and my stomach tightened. I'd pushed a little then and she'd ended up in hysterics – I had no desire to do that to her again. So we stuck to safe topics as we ate and I got to hear her laugh again.
The kiss wasn't brought up and as much as her reaction to finally remembering it had bothered the fuck out of me – for reasons that I still hadn't quite figured out yet – I wasn't pushing that either. Yes, it royally sucked that she seemed to regret it and had immediately started apologizing for it because fuck it all if it wasn't something that I wouldn't mind happening again. But this was Bella and when the right time came, I'd push. I'd push hard and I'd get the answers we both deserved to have.
Her favorite movie was The Nightmare Before Christmas, her favorite band was – for now – Secondhand Serenade, she'd rather be cold than hot and her favorite holiday was Christmas. And now, I'd just learned that her favorite color was orange.
We were getting there and I was enjoying every damn minute of it so far.
"Good afternoon, Krissy," I smiled at the small blonde girl sitting anxiously on the end of the table. "What can I do to help?"
"She's got this kind of hacking cough," her mother explained from the chair next to her daughter. "She's had it for about a week and I just wanted to make sure it's nothing to be worried about."
"All right," I said easily, setting the char down before going to the sink and washing my hands. "Let's see what's going on."
I dried my hands and threw the paper towel into the garbage next to me before stepping over to Krissy and smiling brightly at her. She giggled, kicked her feet and hid her face in her shoulder. Her mother laughed and shook her head, sighing heavily.
"I'm gonna have my hands full when she gets older," she mumbled.
I laughed and nodded at her.
"Okay sweetheart," I started softly, waiting for her to straighten up. "Can you say ah for me?"
Twenty minutes later, I'd given Krissy's mom a prescription for the cough medicine she'd need and grabbed her file, wishing them both a nice day before walking out of the room and towards my office.
"Favorite meal?"
I smirked at her as she stepped in front of me with a coffee mug.
"Meatloaf. You?"
She handed the mug to me and bit her bottom lip, casting her eyes to the ceiling as she thought.
"Breaded chicken breast. Mm," she hummed, licking her lips and rendering me almost speechless. "Now I'm hungry."
"Save it for dinner." I reached out and gently hit her shoulder with the file. "Thanks for the coffee."
"No problem."
She reached forward and pinched my stomach, her eyes lit up as she turned and hurried back to the front office. My eyes were once again on her ass before she disappeared and I shook my head at myself.
"She's just gonna destroy you."
Tanya's voice startled me and I whipped around to find her standing behind me, dressed in her Looney Toons scrubs. I raised an eyebrow at her as she crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin. I grabbed her elbow and pulled her into my office, closing the door behind me and stepping around her to stand behind my desk. I set the coffee cup down and opened the file to give my hands something to do. I needed as much space as possible between us.
"What do you have against her?"
"She's a needy, whiny, pathetic person that doesn't usually have enough common sense to come in out of the rain."
"Maybe she likes the rain; you ever think of that?"
"She killed him, you know."
I froze, the file falling to my desk as my eyes narrowed in her direction.
"What?"
"She may not have been with him that night, but she killed him."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and waving her off.
"Neither do you. How well do you really know her, Edward, after only being here for less than two weeks? She sucks people into her bullshit and destroys them."
"And you apparently know her better than I do, right?"
"I've known her longer."
I swallowed the irrational anger and need to protect her, fisting my hands at my sides.
"That doesn't mean that you know her. Is she perfect? No. But she's apparently a better person than you are."
"She's already started." She shook her head almost sympathetically. "You're going to be nothing more than another poor soul on her list, Edward. I hope you enjoy that."
With that, she turned on her heel and pulled open the door, storming out of my office. I stared at the doorway, licking my bottom lip and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down and forget about any of that conversation. When that didn't work, I walked out from behind the desk and down the hallway, standing in front of Carlisle's closed office door. Bouncing on the balls of my feet briefly, I raised my hand and knocked.
"Come in!" he exclaimed cheerfully.
I pushed through the door and closed it behind me, walking up behind one of the chairs and placing my hands on the back of it. He smiled up at me, folding his hands on the desk in front of him.
"What can I do for you, Edward?"
"Do you know that Tanya thinks Bella killed him?" I asked, tapping my fingertips against the leather. "I don't know who he is, but I'm pretty sure that's not true."
The smile fell from his face and he sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping forward as he reached up and ran a hand through his hair.
"Have a seat, Edward."
I huffed and did as I was told, leaning back and tapping my fingertips impatiently against the wooden arm rests.
"She hasn't told you."
"She was going to. I told her not to."
He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed, shaking my head and leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees and clasp my hands together in front of me.
"I'd pushed enough yesterday. I wasn't going to do it again."
He nodded, sighing. "You saw her yesterday."
"She had to pick up her car, saw that I was still here and came inside to see why. We were going to get dinner until I pushed a little."
"Yesterday was a bad day to push."
"Yeah, I figured that out."
"Keep doing it."
I blinked at him, leaned back, opened and closed my mouth in an attempt to find something to say to that.
"What?" I managed.
He smirked at me and nodded.
"If she was going to tell you despite having the kind of morning that she did, then you're doing something right. Whatever you're doing with her, keep doing it, Edward."
"I have a headache," I mumbled, reaching up and rubbing my temples.
"You're gonna have a lot of them if you keep hanging around Bella. You're gonna have a lot of aggravation and you're gonna wonder if any of what you're going through with her is worth it."
"Is it?" I groaned.
"I love her so yes, it is worth it to me. If you don't think you can handle it, please," he sighed and I looked up at him, "don't just use her."
"Carlisle, I would never do that," I said quietly, shaking my head. "I'm not that person."
He nodded once and sat back in his seat, pressing his fingertips together and watching me over the point he created.
"Okay. Then please take some time and think about what you're getting yourself in to. I don't want to see either of you hurt."
I nodded, shaking my head slightly before taking a deep breath.
"Thanks, I guess."
"I'll talk to Tanya," he nodded again, leaning forward once more and grabbing a pen from its wire holder on his desk. "Thank you for making me aware of it."
I nodded and stood up, running my hands through my hair.
"Carlisle, I care about her," I blurted out quickly. "She's my friend and I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to be hurt in the process because I don't want to hurt like that ever again but she's…" I sighed heavily and raised my arms up before dropping them limply to my sides. "She's not like anyone I know."
"She's one of a kind," he nodded, smirking at me. "I just hope that you both have the patience for each other."
"We'll find out. Thank you, Carlisle."
"You're welcome, Edward."
I nodded again and walked to the door, pulling it open and stopping short as I saw Bella standing there.
"Favorite board game?" she chirped, bouncing on her heels.
"Chutes and Ladders. Yours?"
"Monopoly. Did you drink your coffee?"
"I haven't gotten that far yet."
"Get to it!" she exclaimed, reaching up and tugging on the collar of my shirt. "We have a night ahead of us."
"Do we?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
She nodded enthusiastically and dropped her hand.
"Why's that?"
"I'm making you dinner."
I raised my other eyebrow at her.
"Don't give me that look!" she laughed, slapping my chest and narrowing one eye at me. "I can follow directions."
"Tell that to Esme's kitchen," Carlisle called from behind me.
"That was one time and it was Emmett's fault!"
"I think I'm scared," I mumbled.
"You should be," Carlisle quipped.
"You're not helping!" Bella exclaimed, hopping up on her toes and glaring at Carlisle.
He laughed loudly and I turned to look at him, a little scared when I saw that his damn shoulders were shaking because he was laughing so hard.
"Maybe I'll make dinner," I laughed nervously as I turned back to her.
"No." She looked back at me and smiled brightly, shaking her head. "Alice just gave me this great recipe that I'm sure you're gonna really like. We just have to stop at the store after work."
"I guess that means I'm driving again, huh?"
"If that's okay?"
I smiled and absently reached up, brushing hair off her forehead and watching as she grinned at me.
"That's fine," I said softly.
"But wait," she tilted her head and pursed her lips, "that doesn't make sense. Because then I'll have to leave to drop you off here. You can just follow me."
I laughed and shook my head, pushing hair behind her ear.
"Okay." She's worth it, Edward. "Whatever you want, Bella."
"You are so gonna regret that," Carlisle snorted.
"Shut up!" Bella laughed, once again up on her toes as she glared at him over my shoulder. "I'll tell Esme what really happened to the car if you don't."
"Touché."
"I win!" she declared before turning around and bouncing back down the hallway.
I laughed after her and shook my head, turning to look at Carlisle. He tilted his head back and I nodded, smirking before I started back towards my office.
Yes. She was worth it.
~*~
"Tell me something."
She looked up at me, her fork suspended over the black and white plate in her hand as she folded one of her legs underneath her and slowly chewed.
We were sitting on the floor of her living room facing each other and continuing with our questioning that we'd been at for the past day and a half. She really couldn't cook much that didn't come with either detailed instructions or from a box, she loved the way the snow looked but hated driving in it and would much rather spend the entire day in her pajamas than to get dressed in a pair of jeans.
She may have claimed that she couldn't cook very well and she may have deceived me with saying that Alice had given her a new recipe to try, but I couldn't say that I hated it. She'd finally broken down in the middle of the spice aisle of the supermarket when I asked her for the thousandth time what she was making for the night and told me that she wanted to thank me for being there for her yesterday. After numerous attempts at telling her that it wasn't necessary, I'd finally given up when she merely walked away from me each time and had promised that I'd cook for her someday. She waved me off and I followed her around the damn supermarket looking something like a lost puppy until she declared that she'd gotten everything she needed.
And then she'd banished me from hovering around her in the kitchen when we got back here, too. I'd been forced to stay on the other side of the doorway and reduced to sighing heavily and wincing each time she burned herself… which she did often.
"I've been telling you shit for long enough," she laughed, stabbing a piece of the meatloaf. "What more could you possibly want to know?"
"Anything," I grinned, shrugging and balancing my plate on my knees. "Whatever you want."
She stabbed another piece of meatloaf and shoved it into her mouth, slowly chewing as she eyed me. She finally set her plate down on the floor and swallowed, folding her other leg underneath her and taking a deep breath. She licked her lips and then held out her arm, pulling her sleeve up and showing me her tattoo again.
I stopped breathing.
"Mike Newton," she said softly.
I grabbed my plate and set it on the floor by hers, placing my hands in my lap and watching her carefully.
"Boyfriend?" I asked softly when she failed to say anything else.
She nodded, pressing her lips together and lowering her arm to her lap.
"Car crash," she whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Six years ago."
"Okay," I said softly, reaching out and placing my hands on her arms.
She closed her eyes tightly before dropping her head onto her knees and I sighed quietly, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. I wouldn't feel bad about this; I hadn't asked her directly about it. She'd told me out of her own free will.
I watched as she clenched her hands into fists and the pit of my stomach tightened. I continued to rub her arms and wracked my brain in an attempt to find something to say to her that would make her laugh. We'd been doing so well this afternoon and everything had just been so fucking… normal. She was the Bella I liked being around and I didn't want her to revert back to the girl I saw upon first arriving.
"My fiancée's name was Lauren," I blurted out, swallowing hard. All right, maybe it wasn't going to make her laugh – and if it did, I needed to seriously rethink the whole friend status we were working on – but it was better than watching her close in on herself. "My best friend's was Tyler. The three of us grew up together and when we were fifteen, Lauren and I started dating. Tyler was all for it; happy for us and supportive." I watched as she raised her head, resting her chin on her knees and relaxing her hands. "We had our rough patches, of course, and we stuck Tyler in the middle of it. That wasn't right," I mumbled, shaking my head.
I swallowed hard again. This was the first time I was talking about it since it happened and I'd been able to almost forget about how much it hurt for a while. It was always there, but when I didn't think about it, it didn't matter.
I kept rubbing her arms, staring down at my lap and doing my best to keep my breathing normal even as my heart tried to escape from my chest.
"We always made up, Lauren and I, and things would go back to normal. We all graduated high school together, went to the same college. They supported me and helped me through when things went to shit with my parents. Lauren and I got an apartment together and naturally, Tyler got one in the same building. We still spent all of our time together when we could and he helped me pick out the ring."
Bella's hands grabbed mine and she linked our fingers together, her thumbs making slow, soothing circles on the back of my hands. I squeezed hers tightly and took a deep breath, shaking my head once.
"I proposed to her in March of this year and we were thrown into a completely different relationship almost immediately. She spent a massive amount of time planning the wedding that wouldn't be taking place for another year and I tried to help when I could but I was working at the hospital a lot, trying to get my foot into the right doors and I wasn't there as much as I should've been. Tyler filled in for me and went to appointments that I wasn't able to make at the time."
Bella moved her legs from her chest, crossing them in front of her and holding my hands tightly in her lap, her thumbs still circling.
"We had a huge blow up fight one night about me never being home and never helping her with anything and I ended up storming out and crashing in the on-call room at the hospital. I'd had time to think about it and went home after my shift to apologize to her. Roses and all that," I laughed weakly.
"Door sex," Bella stated.
I smirked and nodded, looking up at her briefly before looking down at our hands. Well, she might not have remembered kissing me right away, but she definitely remembered that.
"We talked and I thought that everything was okay again. I woke up the next morning and everything seemed to be all right with us so I didn't think much of it. I got out of the hospital early and decided that I'd come home to surprise her. It never hurts to bring her some more roses, right?"
She squeezed my hands and I huffed out a breath.
"I tried calling Tyler to see if he could keep her out of the apartment for a while; give me some time to set things up and do the whole fairytale I love you thing. I couldn't get a hold of him, but didn't think anything of it. He had classes and he'd been seeing this other girl for a while so I just figured that he was out with her. I called Lauren to see where she was, but she didn't answer either." I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. "I didn't think anything then, either. I should've, but I didn't."
"You couldn't have known."
I nodded and opened my eyes again, staring directly at our hands.
"So I went home and I was confused as all hell when I saw both of their cars in the lot. But I still didn't think," I laughed sarcastically. "I walked into the apartment and it just hit me. I could hear them and…" I shook my head and latched even tighter onto Bella's hands when she squeezed again. "She wasn't even sorry," I breathed.
Bella shook her hands out of mine and I barely contained the small and feminine whimper that almost made its way out of my mouth at the loss of the one piece of contact I actually needed right now. I'd been comforting her for the past two days; couldn't she at least try to do the same for me?
But then she was against me, straddling my lap as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and tangled one hand in my hair. I didn't hesitate this time and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, holding her to me as I buried my face in her hair and breathed deeply.
I didn't want to analyze the way she felt when she was against me like this. I didn't want to think about the way my heart was beating out of my chest because of her; she was something real and solid and right at this moment, I needed that. I needed her.
"She said it was my fault that I wasn't ever home and that I treated her as a thing that was easily discarded instead of a fiancée. I never…" I swallowed hard and ground my teeth together. "I loved her. I would never treat her that way."
"She was making an excuse to make herself feel better," she whispered into my ear, her hand threading through my hair.
"I was with her for eleven years," I whispered into her neck, squeezing my eyes tightly. "And she slept with my best friend."
"Didn't he feel bad about it?"
"I don't know. I didn't really give him a chance to say anything. Almost broke his jaw, though."
She snorted and I smirked half-heartedly, flattening my hands on her back and keeping her pressed up against me.
"What's this almost crap? You should've shattered it."
I laughed and fisted my hands in her shirt, breathing deeply and trying to shove everything I'd just pulled out back into the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about this anymore; I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I'd told her what had happened and that was it; I was done with it.
But there was no way that I was letting her go. I needed this more than I'd realized.
"Yeah, I guess I should've."
"There's no guessing, Edward. You ever see him again and you shatter the fucker, okay?"
"Okay."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She nodded, her hand threading through my hair again as she dropped her nose to my neck.
"She's a stupid ho," she whispered.
I laughed half-heartedly and nodded, huffing slightly. I could hear those same words in her slurred voice and smirked softly against her shoulder.
"I don't know how anyone could do something like that to you; to anyone. You didn't deserve that."
I nuzzled my nose into her neck, concentrating on breathing evenly as she continued to run her hand through my hair.
"I could've done better by her," I whispered.
"You will not do that," she demanded, gently pulling on my hair.
I groaned and lifted my head to look at her, raising an eyebrow at the slightly angry expression on her face.
"Yes, you made mistakes, but she's the one that chose to be a coward and not talk to you about any of it. Just because she didn't have the balls to end things the right way – or to talk to you and try to work things out – does not mean that you deserved any of that. And your best friend," she scoffed and rolled her eyes, moving her hands from my hair to frame my face, "was a low-life bastard that was just as cowardly as she was."
I blinked at her.
"You…"
"I'm serious, Edward. Just don't…" She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Don't think you deserved that to happen to you."
"You're very protective," I observed.
She tilted her head from side to side and nodded, smiling softly.
"Of the important people in my life."
"I'm important huh?"
She nodded, shrugging.
"When the hell did that happen?" I asked, smirking at her.
She laughed and shrugged again, dropping her hands from my face to rest them on my shoulders.
"I don't know. It just kind of did."
"Do you think…?" I cleared my throat and rested my hands on her waist, licking my lips. "Do you think you deserved what happened to you?"
Her smile faltered and she swallowed hard, looking away from me.
"We're not talking about me," she said softly.
"Bella…"
"Please don't."
"Because if you do, then you really need to listen to yourself, all right? It sucks and you didn't tell me everything and that's okay," I said quickly when she shifted in my lap, "but it wasn't your fault, either."
"I should've been there," she said fiercely, shaking her head and causing her hair to fall in her face. "And I wasn't."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"That's bullshit. It happens to me and there are never any reasons for any of it."
She tried moving from me but I kept my grip tightly on her waist and pulled her back against me, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist as she struggled.
"Let me go."
"No."
"Edward, let me…"
"No," I whispered fiercely into her ear.
"We were talking about you."
"And now we're done talking about me. Thank you for being there for me and saying what you did but now it's your turn."
"I'm tired of talking about me. Edward, please don't," she whispered, begging as her head fell against my shoulder.
I sighed heavily and turned, keeping her firmly in my arms as I leaned back against the couch and pressed my hands on her back again.
"Then just stay here with me," I whispered, rubbing my hands in circles on her back.
She kept her head buried in my neck as we shifted until I was comfortable, clinging to each other as if the other held the secret to life and we'd just figured it out.
"I'm sorry she did that to you," she whispered after a few moments of silence. "You deserve better."
I lightly trailed my hand over her hair, resting my chin on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry you lost him," I whispered back.
She tightened her hold on my neck and I moved my hand from her hair, tightening my hold around her waist and closing my eyes again.
She didn't say that it was okay and I didn't either. It wasn't okay that this had happened to us and it wasn't okay that we were still broken because of all of it. But at least now I wasn't alone and I wouldn't let her be that way, either. Whatever we were doing with each other was working and just because I hadn't known her for more than two weeks didn't mean shit to me.
"I'll tell you soon," she mumbled.
"No rush."
"You deserve to know."
"I can wait."
"You shouldn't have to."
"Bella," I said quietly, pulling back from her and waiting for her eyes to meet mine. "I'm not going anywhere."
She bit her bottom lip and nodded once before plunging her face back into my neck. I sighed quietly and began rubbing her back, my chin back on her shoulder.
"I'm trying," she whispered weakly. "I know it's frustrating to wait, but I'm really trying, Edward."
I turned my head and leaned back, brushing my lips over her temple and welcoming the rush of sparks I felt.
"I know," I whispered. "Thank you."
One of her hands trailed back into my hair and my chin quickly reclaimed its spot on her shoulder. We sat there in a comfortable silence for at least a few hours until she groaned and said her hips hurt. I laughed until I realized that I couldn't feel my ass and then she laughed at me.
I helped her pick up the plates and was allowed into the kitchen to help her put away the leftovers, finding menial things to tease her about and watch her face light up as she laughed.
"I should go," I sighed, snapping the top onto the plastic container and setting it in her refrigerator.
She hummed and nodded, shrugging.
"I'll walk you out."
I nodded and turned on my heel, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing my coat from where I'd draped it over the back of her couch. I faced the door and took a deep breath, quickly turning around and grabbing her in my arms. She squeaked in surprise and laughed, her arms quickly wrapping around my shoulders as she tucked her head underneath my chin.
"Thank you for tonight, Bella," I said softly.
"Any time, Edward. And thank you for… just… thank you."
I smiled and tilted my head down, pressing my lips against the top of her head and lingering. She was comfort and warmth and friendship and everything I never thought I needed all wrapped up in one person.
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