Seventeen

*Edward*

I slowly opened my eyes the next morning, not even attempting to fight off the insane grin I felt that spread across my face as I stretched and yawned.

I had never felt anything like that with Lauren.  It had always just been sex that I'd mistaken for this amazing experience.  She was my first; I hadn't realized that there could be something more with someone else because I never thought there would be anyone else.  And now that there was, well… I was more than fucking happy about it.  I lowered my arms, sliding one hand over the mattress next to me, confused when I found nothing but cold sheets.

"Bella?" I mumbled, turning my head to look around the empty room.

I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face before crawling out of bed and grabbing my work pants from the floor.  I pulled them up over my hips, reaching up and running my hands through my hair as I lazily walked out of the bedroom and wandered into the kitchen.  I found her standing at the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in her hands as she stared at the sink.  She was dressed in a pair of my pajama pants and my shirt, her hands tapping absently against the mug as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"You got the coffee machine to work?"

Her head snapped in my direction and the smile fell from my face.  For someone who claimed that she was happy last night, she did not look that way now.  My heart fell in my chest as I stepped all the way into the kitchen, suddenly completely unsure of how to act or what to say.

"There's a reset button on the bottom," she said quietly.  "I hope you don't mind."

I swallowed the fear flowing through my veins and walked up to her, taking the mug out of her hands and placing it on the counter behind her.  I slowly put my hands on her hips and pulled her close to me, keeping my eyes on hers the entire time.

"No, I don't mind."  I leaned down, keeping my eyes open as I gently pressed my lips to hers.  "You okay?"

She nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm just… I'm thinking, is all."

"About what?"

She huffed out a breath and kissed me again.

"We should get some breakfast," she said quietly as she stepped back. "Why don't you go take a shower and I can, uhm… I can make some eggs?"

I eyed her, quirking an eyebrow at her.  She was back to avoiding questions and my heart fell a little further.

"Or you can take a shower with me and we can go to Jared's when we're done," I said softly, rubbing circles into her hips with my thumbs.

"I don't think…"

"You regret it, don't you?" I asked, closing my eyes and shaking my head.  "You… it wasn't… why didn't you just stop me?"

"What?  Edward, no," she said forcefully and I felt her hands on my cheeks.  "It has nothing to do with last night, all right?"

"What else could it be, Bella?  You said that you were okay when we went to sleep and I wake up to find you skittish and freaked out this morning!"

I opened my eyes and shook my head, looking away from her and crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, Edward, stop… Edward!"  She grabbed my face in her hands again and I clenched my jaw when she forced me to look at her.  "I do not regret last night."

"Then what happened between then and now?"

She sucked in a deep breath and pressed her lips together before moving her hands from my face and trailing them down to rest on my chest.

"I dreamed about Mike last night," she whispered, biting her bottom lip.

If she'd punched me in the stomach, I would've been able to handle that better.  But hearing that she'd dreamed about her dead boyfriend the night after we made love, the night that I'd felt something with someone else that I never thought even existed…

It really fucking hurt.

"I see."

I looked away from her, shaking my head and running my tongue along my teeth.

"Wait, please," she pleaded, one of her hands back on my cheek and guiding my eyes back to hers.  "Don't shut me out."

"What are you thinking about?" I asked evenly.

"He knew about you," she blurted out.  "He… we were in our old high school and at first, there was no one there and I couldn't talk.  He showed up and we… he told me that it wasn't my fault and that he loved me.  He said that I needed to give you a real chance and that we were good for each other and… I just… it's a lot to take in at once.  I was just thinking…"

"So as long as he's okay with it, you are, too?"

Her eyes widened and she quickly shook her head.

"No!  No, it's not like that at all!  I just… he never talks to me in dreams.  We never have a conversation like that and it's… Edward, please," she whispered, both of her hands on my cheeks.  "I didn't ask for this."

She looked like she was on the verge of tears and I sighed, relenting enough to wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her against me.  I rested my chin against the side of her head and stared down at the floor, cupping the back of her head in one of my hands.  She buried her nose in my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist and clinging to me.

"You're mad," she whispered.

"No."

"You're not happy."

"No, I'm not."  I sighed heavily as her arms tightened around my waist and leaned down to kiss the side of her head.  "I'm going to take a shower."

She immediately stepped back from me, her head down as she nodded and crossed her arms over her chest.  I huffed out a breath and shook my head before walking out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

I stood under the spray of the shower for about twenty minutes, not able to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling or what I should do about anything.  I'd been expecting maybe round two or at least a few minutes where she was just lying in my arms when we woke up this morning.  I had not expected to hear that she'd dreamed about her dead boyfriend during the night, waking up to find that I was alone and she was thinking.

I stepped out of the shower and draped a towel around my waist before walking into my bedroom.  I noticed that all of her things were missing from the corner they'd been in before and that the clothes she'd been wearing were neatly folded on the edge of the still-rumpled bed.

I ran my hand down my face and reached over, slamming the door shut and getting dressed.  I ran my hands through my hair, fluffing it slightly and generally not giving a damn about how I looked.  I was going to be stuck with her brother and her friends all day – the last thing I wanted to do now – and I just didn't care enough about how I looked.

I walked out of the bedroom and found her sitting curled up on the end of the couch in the living room, tears drying on her face as she stared blankly at the fireplace.

"You're not going to take a shower?"

She shook her head, slowly sitting up and wiping off her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater.

"And you're not staying tonight?"

"Do you want me to?" she asked softly, her voice rough.

"I won't know how else to get to your mom's place for dinner, will I?"

I watched her bite down on her trembling bottom lip before she shook her head and sucked in a deep breath.

"I guess not.  You don't have to come anymore if you don't want to, Edward."

"Carlisle is expecting me."

"Carlisle will understand that I fucked it up."  She looked over at me, her eyes full of tears.  "It's what I do, remember?"

She stood up and rubbed her eyes with her thumbs, keeping her gaze away from me before crossing her arms over her stomach and squaring her shoulders.

"If you don't want to come today, that's fine, too.  Everyone will understand."

"No," I said softly.  "I'll go."

"I can call Alice and have her pick me up here.  It's not a big deal."

"We need to go," I said quietly.  "Or we'll be late."

She nodded and walked by me to stand at the front door, pulling her coat on and grabbing her purse from the pile of her things by the door.  I followed her, pulling my sneakers on and grabbing my coat before opening the door for her.  I grabbed my keys and locked the door behind me, following her out to the car and unlocking it.  She pulled open her door before I even had a chance and I sighed, running a hand through my wet hair as I walked to my side of the car and climbed in.

We spent the ride to her brother's house in silence except for when she needed to give me directions.  I pulled into the driveway, immediately recognizing Alice's bright yellow Porsche and I grabbed her arm before she could escape.

"I've got more than enough to deal with right now," she said quietly, looking down at my hand.  "If you still want to be mad at me and argue with me after the day is over then you're more than welcome to but please not right now."

"It's not…"

"Please," she begged in a whisper, looking up at me.  "I can't take much more right now."

I nodded and moved my hand, watching as she quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and bolted from the car, slamming the door.  I sighed heavily and unbuckled my own seatbelt, climbing out of the car and hesitantly taking her hand when she offered it to me.  She wordlessly led me towards the front door, yanking back the screen door and pushing through the heavy oak door.  Loud voices raised in laughter immediately greeted us as we walked down a short hallway, through the living room into the kitchen.

"Bells!" Emmett exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.  "There you are!"

She let go of my hand and walked over to him, hugging him quickly and tightly before standing up straight and walking directly to the coffee machine.  I watched as she quickly got into a conversation with Angela, leaning back against the counter once her coffee was fixed the way she liked it.

I felt completely disconnected from her, almost like a part of me was suddenly missing and as I stood off to the side, watching everyone else interact with each other like one big extended family, I wanted nothing more than to bolt.  Alice was sitting in Jasper's lap, her head thrown back so that she could look at Angela and Bella while they stood behind her.  Rosalie was sitting at the kitchen table, her hands splayed out on the top in front of her as she admired her nails and seemed to ignore everyone else.  Everyone was completely in sync – or at least semi-comfortable with each other – and I most definitely was not.

Fifteen minutes and a half-hearted kiss from Bella later, the girls were all leaving in Emmett's Jeep – driven by Rosalie – and I was alone with three very curious men staring at me.

"What do we have planned?" I asked, shifting awkwardly under their stares and shrugging out of my coat.

"How are you with cars?" Emmett asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm all right with them, I guess.  Why?"

"How about motorcycles?" Ben asked, standing up from his spot at the kitchen table to make himself another cup of coffee.

"I know nothing about them."

"Perfect!" Emmett boomed, standing up and downing the rest of his coffee.  "I can teach you how to fix it the right way."

"Your way is not the right way," Jasper commented, pointing at him as he stood up and shoved his chair underneath the table.

"I've been fixing them since I was fifteen years old!"

"How many of them have blown up as soon as they left the lot?" Ben countered.

"Kept them coming back, didn't it?  And not all of them blew up when they left the lot, thank you.  Just half of them and I didn't work on most of them!"

"Good Christ," Jasper sighed, shaking his head.  "You're gonna need some coffee."

I laughed nervously and draped my jacket over the back of one of the chairs at the table.  I got a cup of coffee and followed them out into the garage, surveying the mess of bike parts, bike skeletons and tools scattered all around what was big enough to be a two-car garage.

"This," Emmett started proudly, walking over to the only whole bike in the entire garage with his arms spread out in front of him, "is my baby.  First one I ever fixed on my own."

"We're all amazed that it still runs," Ben snorted, shaking his head as he walked over to the bench and grabbed a few tools.

"Shut it," he snapped, scowling at him.

I laughed and shook my head, raising the cup to my lips and venturing over to the bench where Ben was standing to lean against it.

"So, uh," Emmett started as he sat down on a footstool and looked up at me, "would you mind telling me what's going on with you and my sister now?"

I licked my lips and sighed heavily, tapping my fingertips against the mug.

"We're together."

He nodded, taking the screwdriver that Ben offered him and turning towards his bike.

"When did that happen?"

"The night before last."

"And you'll be at dinner tomorrow night, right?" Jasper asked, sitting in one of the bar chairs that were randomly spread around the garage.

"Well that explains everything," Emmett stated, turning to look at me again and waving the screwdriver at me.  "We haven't had a huge dinner like that in a while."

"Renee's breaking out the nice china for you," Ben laughed, nudging me with his elbow.  "She's been calling all morning asking what all of us would like to eat."

"Oh Christ," I mumbled, sighing heavily.

"It'll be fine," Emmett stated, shrugging.  "Our family is pretty normal.  Don't go around mom when she's got a rolling pin, though."

Jasper threw his head back and laughed, absently twirling around in the chair.

"Why?" I asked slowly.

"She smacked James over the head with it when he first showed up," Ben laughed, shaking his head. "Asshole deserved it, too."

"Who's James?" I asked, raising my mug to my lips.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at me and the garage got eerily quiet as they all looked at each other uneasily.

"She hasn't told you about him?"

I shook my head, unease settling in the pit of my stomach as I stood up straight.

"You'll have to ask her," Emmett stated, pursing his lips and turning back to the bike.

I nodded, pursing my lips and sighing heavily as I set the mug behind me on the bench.  Silence shrouded the garage and I kept staring at my feet as Emmett went back to work on his bike.

"So you still interested in buying a bike?" Ben finally asked.

"Yeah," I said quickly, nodding and looking over at him.  "When the weather's better, I'll give it some serious thought."

"You can buy it now and we can spend the rest of the time teaching you how to ride one," Emmett suggested.

"It's not much harder than riding a regular bike, Emmett," Jasper stated, still twirling in the chair and staring up at the ceiling.

"You have to get a license and all that for it, too.  Register the bike… take the course so that you can actually get the license… that'll take a while."

"You just want my money."

"Yep!" Emmett chirped, turning to look at me and grinning.  "I am not too proud to deny that."

I laughed and shook my head at him, sighing.

"So are you gonna show me how to fix this thing or are we just going to stand here and watch you break something?"

"There it is!" Jasper exclaimed, pointing at me as he stopped twirling.

"And you're officially in the group, dude," Ben laughed, slapping my shoulder.

"I'll let that one slide!" Emmett exclaimed, pointing at me with the screwdriver that he hadn't used yet.  "Any more and this will be up your ass sideways."

"Noted," I smirked, walking up next to him and crouching down on the floor.  "Now show me."

I wasn't relaxed; in fact, I was pretty damn nervous to be around all of these guys that loved Bella unconditionally but so far, they hadn't threatened me with anything pertaining to her and they'd given me coffee.  It wasn't as good as it usually is when Bella makes it for me, but it was coffee and Jasper was right in saying that I'd need it.  And if it kept my mind off of what I needed to deal with tonight with Bella, then I was all for helping Emmett break shit.

~*~

"You'll have to get a Suzuki, dude, it's the best," Emmett stated, wiping his hands on a rag as we all walked back into the house.

We'd spent the entire day in the garage and had traded coffee in for beers when it hit one-thirty.  I was more relaxed and came to find out that I really did like Emmett.  He still scared me at times – like when he was wielding a wrench dangerously close to my fingers and was known to take skin off other people's fingers – but for the most part, I found myself really enjoying hanging out with all of them.  They were easy to talk to and they kept me occupied with something other than all the questions I had swimming around in my head.

They argued more than they got anything accomplished and the only thing I really got to see how to fix properly was replacing a gasket of some sort.  The rest of the afternoon, they ragged on each other about anything and everything but somehow we were still covered in grease and dirt from one of the many bikes Emmett had taken apart and tried to put back together again before getting annoying and moving on.

"I'll come in on Monday," I stated, plopping into a seat at the table and leaning back.  "Take a look around."

"How's Bella feel about you getting a bike?" Ben asked as he pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed another round of beers for us.  "Angela hated the idea of me getting one for personal use."

"Ah, knowing Bells, she'll love the idea," Emmett laughed, sitting down next to me after throwing the rag on the counter by the sink.

"I told her I'd teach her how to ride it," I shrugged, accepting the beer from Ben with a nod.

"You are a very brave man," Jasper stated, tipping his unopened bottle at me as he leaned back against the sink.  "The girl is a disaster on wheels.  I don't know how the hell she got her license."

"You'd be good to keep that in mind," Emmett laughed, snatching the beer from Ben's hand and twisting the top off.  "You might be in the emergency room for a broken bone."

"I won't let anything happen to her."

"Not her.  You."

I laughed nervously and twisted the cap off the bottle, twisting it around in my fingers as I raised the bottle to my lips.

"Everything going okay with you two?"

I looked over at Emmett, immediately seeing that he was being completely serious and maybe even a little curious.  He was leaning on the table, peeling back the label on his beer bottle and staring intently at me.

"Few bumps," I said honestly, tapping my fingertips against the bottle.  "Nothing I can't handle."

"She's not easy to deal with a lot of the time," he acknowledged, nodding somberly at me.  "God knows she's got a way of getting underneath your skin and driving you up the fucking wall but she doesn't do it on purpose.  She takes the world on her shoulders and forgets how to roll it off.  Has this habit of stressing herself out beyond belief."

He lifted the bottle to his lips, tipping his head back and staring absently up at the ceiling.  Ben and Jasper were quiet the whole time, both of them seeming to find something infinitely interesting about the table and the floor as they stared down at them.

"She needs help, Edward, and she hasn't been able to do it for herself."

"I told her I'd go with her."

He slowly looked over at me and nodded once before leaning back in his seat and sliding the bottle in between his hands on the table.

"All right, then."

The four of us jumped when we heard a car pull into the driveway before laughing nervously and shifting in our spots.

"You guys sticking around for dinner?  We were going to order pizza," Ben stated, sitting up straighter in his chair and leaning back.

"That's up to Bella, but I'm all—"

"Rosalie, I suggest that you—"

"What?  What do you suggest, Alice?  I coddle her like everyone else?"

"Fuck you!"

My shoulders tensed when I heard Bella's voice and we all looked at each other slowly, none of us moving from our spots like we probably should've.  Doors slammed from the Jeep and we didn't hear anything for a few seconds.

"What the hell do these guys even see in you, anyway?  Huh?  I don't fucking get it because you're nothing but pathetic from where I'm standing!"

"Because you're just fucking perfect, aren't you Rosalie?  Think no one can be any fucking better than you, is that it?"

"It's better than being a fucking lunatic!"

I jumped out of my chair and took off towards the front door, hearing footsteps behind me as I yanked it open and jumped onto the front step to see Alice and Angela standing in between a furious Bella and Rosalie.

"You go through half of what I've gone through and try not being fucked in the head!" Bella shouted, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

"That's your excuse for every fucking thing, isn't it?  Why the hell don't you just go to therapy?"

"You think I haven't fucking tried?  It's not as damn easy as it looks, you stupid bitch!"

"Okay," I mumbled, jumping off the step and quickly walking over to them.

The look of relief on Alice's face would've been amusing had I not seen the tears trailing down Bella's red cheeks or the way her entire body was shaking.

"Why the hell not?  Scared of that, too?  Is there anything in the world you aren't afraid of?"

"Rose!" Emmett bellowed, right behind me.

"Bella, come on," I said quietly, wrapping an arm around her waist and starting to pull her back.

"Imagine if it was Emmett!" she continued to yell, her voice catching in her throat as she stumbled over her feet.  "If it was Emmett falling off a ladder or getting into a car accident!  How the fuck would you react?"

"I'd go to therapy and get my head out of my ass!  I'd grow the fuck up because that's what you're supposed to fucking do!"

"Enough!" Emmett shouted.

Bella let a sob escape her lips before she hooked one arm around my neck and placed her other hand on the arm I had around her waist, her head falling against my shoulder.

"Easy, Bella, hang on," I mumbled, pulling her against my side.

"I can't do this anymore," she sobbed, shaking her head.  "I can't…"

I stopped and quickly pulled her into my arms as we reached my car, far enough away from everyone else.  She buried her face in my chest, her hands resting on my chest before she fisted them in my shirt.  I wrapped my arms around her tightly, doing my best to protect her as she sobbed into my shirt, her body rocking and shaking.

Everything I'd been worrying about this morning had disappeared from my mind.  None of it mattered anymore; not when Bella seemed to be falling apart in my arms.

I looked over to see Emmett and Rosalie in an obviously heated argument while Angela and Alice stood in the middle of the driveway, Ben and Jasper standing in front of them and trying to get the full story.  At least, that's all I could really assume because fuck knows I wanted the whole goddamn thing and I imagined they did, too.

"I'm sorry," Bella wailed, lifting her head to look up at me.  "I'm sorry about this morning and I'm sorry about… I'm sorry about everything that I've done to you up until this point.  Edward, I'm so sorry."

"Stop it, Bella," I said softly, shaking my head and reaching up to cup her face in my hands.  "None of that matters right now, okay?"

"Yes, it does!  It does!  Edward, I can't hurt you.  I can't."

"You didn't.  Bella, it's okay," I whispered, attempting to wipe the never-ending tears from her cheeks.  "It's okay."

"No, it's not," she cried, shaking her head before burying her face back into my shirt.  "You deserve better."

"Stop this," I whispered, my arms tight around her shoulders and my lips right by her ear.  "We've been over this."

She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist, pressing herself against me and keeping her face buried in my shirt.

"This is what I fucking mean!" Rosalie screeched.  "She won't break if you just tell her like it is!"

Bella's sobs got louder and she seemed to try burrowing in closer to me, her feet shuffling on the ground beneath us as her arms tightened around me.  I barely heard Emmett's voice raised in anger, feeling Bella's shaking get a little worse against me.

"Shh, it's okay, Bella, you're safe," I whispered into her ear, slowly starting to rock from side to side with her.  "You're safe with me."

"You're… ugh!" Rosalie screeched again.

I looked over at her, glaring at her as she stomped her way to Emmett's Jeep, grabbed a massive amount of packages from the very back and stalked her way to her own car.  She yanked open the door, throwing her things in the back and falling into the driver's seat.  She slammed the door closed and peeled out of the driveway once the car was started, taking off down the road.  I looked over at Emmett to see he had his arms crossed over the top of his head, his eyes closed and his jaw tense.  I felt Bella relax a little in my arms, her cries starting to calm.

"Bella?"

I focused in on Angela standing next to us, her bottom lip caught in between her teeth as she looked up at me and offered me a small smile.  Emmett was making his way over to us, shaking his head.

"Bella, why don't we go inside for a minute, okay?" she asked softly, reaching out and placing a hand on her back.

Bella shook her head, her arms tightening even more around my waist.

"I'll be right there, okay?" I whispered, reaching up and running a hand down her hair.  "Then we'll go or we'll do whatever you want, all right?"

She held on for a few moments longer before she nodded and moved her arms from my waist, keeping her head turned from everyone as she wiped off her face.  I threaded one hand through her hair, leaning over to look at her.  She avoided my eyes, sucking in deep breaths as she shook her head.

"Bella," I whispered, cupping her cheek in my hand and making her look at me.

Her lips trembled and she quickly bit down on her bottom one, shaking her head and forcing in another breath.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked out, still shaking her head.

"There's nothing to apologize for."  I leaned in and kissed her forehead, relaxing slightly when she reached up to place her hand on mine.  "Go inside."

She wrapped her hand around mine, squeezing tightly before she turned towards Angela and they started towards the house.  I walked behind them, coming to a stop by Ben's side as the girls disappeared into the house, Alice and Angela flanking Bella's sides as the door snapped shut behind them.

"What happened?" Emmett asked, his voice lethally low as he began to pace up and down the driveway.

"Apparently she's been doing this," Jasper drawled, rocking back and forth on his heels.  "Putting Bella down and not thinking twice about it."

"Why didn't Bella say anything?" he hissed, kicking at the tire of his Jeep.

"She didn't want to upset you," Ben chimed in.  "She knew Rosalie made you happy and she didn't want to ruin it for you."

"Fucking Christ!"

"What did she say today?" I asked, sticking my hands in my pockets and shivering a little.

Now that the excitement was over with, I realized that I'd left my jacket inside and it was fucking cold out.

"That was the most of it."  Jasper stuck his chin towards the front end of the Jeep.  "Bella was quiet most of the day, from what Alice said, and she finally told them why on the way home.  Rosalie tore into her."

"How did I not see this shit?"

"Bella would cut off her left arm if it meant you were happy," Ben stated, crossing his arms over his chest.  "You wouldn't have seen it because she didn't want you to."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he grumbled, walking through us and into the house, the screen door slamming shut behind him as he pushed through the oak door.

I looked at Ben and Jasper and they sighed, shrugging.

"I didn't think Bella would let it get this far," Jasper finally said, shaking his head.  "I thought she'd stick up for herself by now."

"Your sister is a bitch, Jasper," I said bluntly.

He pursed his lips but nodded, his shoulders slumping in defeat before he grabbed the screen door and walked into the house without another word.

"You all right, man?"

I nodded, forcing a smile on my face.

"Just another day," I sighed before following the path Jasper had taken and walking into the house.

I found Bella wrapped in Emmett's arms, her face buried in his chest.  She wasn't crying anymore and he had his chin resting on the top of her head, his eyes closed and his lips moving in a whispered conversation I'm sure we weren't meant to be a part of.  I hung back by the entrance, watching as Ben and Jasper joined their significant others, leading them out of the room and into another part of the house I hadn't seen yet.  I stepped back into the hallway and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the wall behind me and closing my eyes.

I don't know how long I stood there, lost in the silence of my mind before I heard footsteps approaching me.  I opened my eyes, looking up to find Bella standing at the entrance of the hallway, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as she watched me.  Her eyes were puffy, red and still shining with more tears as her gaze darted from me to the wall to the floor and back again.

"If you don't wanna be with me anymore, it's okay," she squeaked, her breath hitching on almost every word.  "I'll understand."

"Do you still wanna be with me?" I asked softly, slowly dropping my arms to my sides and watching her.

"Yes," she squeaked again, her lips trembling as she nodded and sucked in a shaky breath.  "But if you don't, no one would blame you."

"Bella," I whispered, pushing off the wall and walking over to her.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me tightly, burying my nose into her hair as she clutched onto me, her nose in my chest.

"I don't wanna hurt you anymore, Edward."

"Stop thinking like this, Bella.  Stop saying these things."

"I want you to be happy."

"I want the same for you," I whispered, tangling my hands in her hair.  "And we'll make that happen, we'll do it together."

She buried her head further in my chest, her sniffles muffled by my shirt and her arms tight around my waist.

"I'll call Monday morning," she mumbled.  "Will you still go with me?"

"I told you that I would."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We stood there for a few minutes longer before I heard footsteps and looked up to see Angela standing at the entrance of the hallway.  She offered me a meek smile and nodded at Bella, mouthing the word "Staying?”  I rubbed my hands over Bella's back, turning back to rest my chin on the top of her head.

"Do you wanna stay?  Pizza was mentioned."

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head.  "I just wanna be alone."

I swallowed hard and looked over at Angela.  She nodded and flashed a thumbs-up sign to me before disappearing around the corner.

"I'll take you home," I said softly, pulling back from her slightly.

"No!" she exclaimed, her arms tightening around me and pulling me back to her.  "Alone with you, Edward, please."  She looked up at me, unshed tears still lining her eyes.  "I… we have to talk."

Fear shot down my spine and I nodded, running a hand down her hair.

"We'll go back to my place, okay?"

She nodded, sniffling and stepping back from me, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"Okay."

She grabbed my hand in hers and we wordlessly walked down the hallway, joining everyone back in the kitchen.  We said goodbye to everyone and I pulled on my coat, waiting by the doorway as Emmett pulled Bella into another hug.  She nodded at something he'd whispered into her ear, kissed his cheek and backed away from him before we said goodbye and made it outside.  I followed Bella to Emmett's Jeep and grabbed all of the bags she pointed out that were hers, hefting them over my head and walking over to my car.  She walked to her side of the car and I set her bags in the back before climbing in and looking over at her.  She settled back against the seat, resting her head back and closing her eyes.  I started the car and sighed quietly, pulling my seatbelt over my lap before backing out of the driveway and starting in the direction of my apartment.

I parked in my space once we got there, the entire ride spent in silence.  She slowly climbed out and I did the same, meeting her at the front of the car.  She grabbed my hand, her thumb immediately making slow circles on the back as we walked to the door.  I unlocked it, let her walk ahead of me, watching as she toed off her shoes before I walked in, and did the same.  I closed the door behind us and stood with her, watching her carefully.

Her face was completely blank and it scared the shit out of me.  In the time I'd known her, she'd never been completely blank before.  Her face always gave away her emotions and to see nothing on her face was unnerving.

"Can I take a shower?" she finally asked, her voice rough.

"Of course."

She untangled her hand from mine and I watched as she shrugged out of her coat, draping it over her arm as she walked into the bedroom.  I slowly shrugged out of mine before hanging it up on the coat rack by the door and running my hands through my hair.

She wanted to talk.  She wanted to talk and we'd already established that we both still wanted to be with each other so there was no reason for me to be nervous about anything.  Yes, it had been a hell of a day and the only thing I really wanted to do was crawl in my bed with her and pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist until tomorrow night when we had to go to her mom's for dinner.

Sighing and running my hands down my face, I walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch, snatching the remote from the coffee table and hitting the button.

An hour later, I was losing my mind.  She hadn't come back out into the living room yet and everything that she could possibly need to talk about with me was running rampant through my mind.  I quickly pushed down on the button, turning off the television and standing up.  I walked to the bathroom and found that the door was open and everything was eerily quiet.  I grumbled and walked into my bedroom, my heart stopping its sudden rampant beat as I saw her lying on her side on the bed, dressed in the pajamas she'd been wearing this morning.

I scrubbed my face roughly with my hands, sighing quietly and swallowing hard.  I walked to my closet, quietly sliding the door open and grabbing an extra blanket from the top shelf.  I shook it out and walked over to her, draping it over her still form before reaching out and brushing wet hair from her forehead.  I leaned down and gently kissed her temple, briefly closing my eyes before I stood up straight and turned to walk out.

She needed to sleep more than we needed to talk and I wasn't going to push it.

"Edward?" I heard her mumble sleepily.

"It's okay.  Get some sleep."

"I'm sorry you're dating such a basket case."

I pursed my lips and walked to the other side of the bed, slowly climbing in next to her and laying down.  I propped my head in my hand, reaching over and threading my fingers through her hair.

"You shouldn't insult my girlfriend like that.  I'm kinda fond of her."

She stared up at me and I kept my hand in her hair, gently scratching the back of her head.

"Yeah?"

"Bella, you know I care about you," I whispered.  "Don't you?"

She huffed out a breath and nodded slowly.

"I'm just… I'm a mess."

"I'm not much better," I admitted, smirking sadly.

"Rosalie was right.  I need to grow up."

"Do not listen to her," I said fiercely.  "She's a bitch and you've… Bella, I don't know how you've done it.  If I was in your position, I don't know what I'd be like right now."

"I'm going to be better," she whispered, pulling one arm out of the blanket and resting her hand on my arm.  "I want to be better because seeing that look on your face this morning…"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, sucking in a deep breath.

"Tell me what he said.  In your dream," I whispered, moving my hand from her hair to grab her hand and link our fingers together.

"Edward…"

"Please."

She opened her eyes again and I dropped my head to the pillow, offering her as much of an encouraging smile as I could.  She blew out a deep breath and I squeezed her hand.

"He said that he loved me and that nothing was my fault.  He said that his mom was hurting and lashed out at me because I was closest.  And then he said that you," her voice broke and she shook her hand out of mine to place it over my heart, "were the best thing for me.  But if I keep pushing, you'd walk and I don't want that."  She shook her head and looked up at me.  "I don't want to watch you walk away from me, too."

Huh.  That's a lot to hear from someone you've been hurting over for six years.

And you got pissed at her for it.  Asshole.

"So I'm going to be better because I can't do this anymore.  I feel too much for you to watch you leave, too."

I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me and closing my eyes tightly.  She draped the blanket over me and curled up against me, the top of her head underneath my chin and her free arm draped over my waist.

"I'm gonna try harder, too," I whispered, tilting my head and pressing my lips against the top of her head.  "You keep saying that you don't deserve me, but I'm not that great, Bella."

"You're great for me."

I sighed and reached up, tilting her chin up and looking down at her.  She looked innocent in so many ways as she blinked sleepily and relaxed against me.

"I will be," I whispered, nodding and cupping her cheek in my hand.  "We both deserve that, don't you think?"

"I don't know if I…"

"You'd better work on this self esteem thing," I stated quietly, smirking at her.  "You deserve as much as you give."

She sighed slightly and pursed her lips, twisting them to the side before nodding once.

"I'll try."

I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers, leaning forward and kissing her softly.

"So will I."

She nodded and brushed her nose against mine before kissing me again.  She pulled back slightly and I rubbed my thumb over her cheek before I dragged my hand back into her hair.

"Don't let me go anytime soon, okay?" she whispered.  "I…"  She huffed out a breath and I opened my eyes to see that hers were closed and she had her lips pressed together.  "I need you tonight."

I wordlessly pulled her back against me, throwing one of my legs over hers and burying my face in her neck as she wrapped one of her legs around my other one.  I tightened my arms around her and she did the same, nuzzling her nose into my chest and sighing softly.

"You can't let go either, 'kay?" I whispered, swallowing hard and snapping my eyes shut.

"Promise."

If today had shown me anything, it was that I needed Bella as much as she seemed to need me.  She needed stability as much as I did and if that meant that we both needed to go into therapy, then it was something that we'd do together.  She said that she didn't want to watch me walk away and I didn't want to walk away but the minute comparisons to Lauren had to stop and I had to indirectly stop blaming Bella for the things that had happened in my past the same way that she needed to realize that I wasn't Josh or Mike.  Or James; whatever the hell he did to her.

"I need you too, Bella," I whispered into her ear, squeezing her once.

She merely tightened her arms around my waist, burrowing closer to me and humming against my chest.  I smirked nervously before wrapping myself completely around her and burying my nose into her hair.

We could do this.

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