Sixteen

*Bella*

I rocked back and forth on my heels, standing outside Carlisle's office once we'd ushered the last patient out the door and twisting my hands around behind my back.  Edward stood down the hallway, poking his head out of his office door and raising an eyebrow at me.

I wanted to tell Carlisle what had happened during the night.  I didn't want him to hear it from anyone else if it came to that; he deserved to hear it from me.  We hadn't told anyone else yet – even though they might've suspected something when the dumbass came back from lunch with a damn rose and handed it to me in front of them – because I'd wanted to tell Carlisle first.  I didn't know what his rules of inter-office dating were and I didn't want either of us to lose our jobs over something that we could clearly keep under wraps during business hours.

And just because I spent the entire day procrastinating and dealing with Edward's eyebrow-raises and pursed lips each time he walked by me didn't mean anything.  I was nervous as all fuck and he wasn't helping.

Carlisle was like my father.  Edward was the new boy in town, the boy that he knew practically nothing about who was dating one of his "daughters."  I know that he'd never shoot anyone or threaten to – Christ, he'd let Emmett into the house without hesitation for the traditional meet the parents dinner when he first started dating Rosalie – but I'd never had to worry about this shit before.  By the time I started working here, I'd stopped dating completely.  I was scared and mentally exhausted and the last thing I needed was a man in my life.

And then fucking Edward Masen waltzes into the god damned office and my life is blown apart.  Granted, it was four years later, but the effect was still the same.

"Bella," Edward hissed.

I looked over at him and glared.  "What?"

He blew me a kiss and I rolled my eyes, barely able to contain the stupid grin that wanted to find a home on my lips before I raised my hand and finally knocked on the glass.

He may have shaken my world up and confused the fuck out of me, but he was more than worth it.  He was still with me after what I'd told him the night before and I couldn't ask for more than that.

"I'll be here!" he hissed.

I waved at him, shooing him into his office as I heard Carlisle call out for me to walk in.  I took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob, pushing my way into his office and quickly closing the door behind me.  He was sitting at his desk, his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose as he stared down at what was probably some article about a new piece of medical equipment that intrigued him.

"Hey, Bella," he said cheerfully, hardly looking up from the pages in his hands.  "How is everything?"

Loaded, Carlisle.  You and your loaded questions.

"Good," I chirped, walking over to one of the chairs in front of him and toeing off my shoes.  I plopped into the seat and brought my knees up to my chest.  "How are you?"

"Very well, thanks.  What can I do for you?"

You can never just do small talk, can you Carlisle?  Always have to get to the heart of the matter, don't you?

"Oh, you know," I mumbled, twisting my lips to the side.  "Just… haven't had a chance to talk to you and just… checking in."

"Mhmm," he mumbled, flipping the pages.  "Well, Esme is already writing things down for the Christmas Eve party.  She and Alice are especially excited about it this year."

"Oh yeah?" I asked absently, reaching down and picking at a random thread on my sock.  "Why's that?"

"I don't know."  He shrugged and hummed, leaning forward and resting one elbow on his desk as he leaned in to the papers.  "You know how they get."

"Yep."

I licked my lips, watching as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose, staring in silence and watching as they started to slide back to the end of his nose again.

Do it, Bella.  Do it.  It's like ripping off a band-aid.  He's slightly distracted so he might not even react.  That could be good.  No reaction is a good reaction.  Right?

"I'm dating Edward," I blurted out, leaning forward and burying my nose in my knees.

I watched him over them, his eyes slowly lifting to mine.  He stared at me in silence for a few minutes and I began to shift nervously, biting the inside of my cheek and stabbing at my pinky toe with my thumb nail.

"One more time," he finally requested, his voice even.

Word vomit.  There was no other way to explain what came out of my mouth next.  I'd always been very good at it, but this was an extreme.

"I spent the night with him," I blurted again, widening my eyes when he widened his.  "Not like that!  I just… we slept and I told him about Mike and I hurt him and then we kind of had this weird moment where he said the right thing and I kind of attacked him…" My face heated up and I buried it back into my knees.  "…but he said that he wanted more with me and he wanted to wait and he wanted to be with me even with everything I've already put him through and I told him about not being able to go to therapy and he said that he'd come with me when I asked him to because I want to try again, Carlisle, and I want to be good for him.  I want to be good for everyone, but really, he deserves someone really good and he asked me to do it for me and I want to."  I sucked in a deep breath, fully realizing that I was rambling.  "But he wants to be with me and I wanna be with him and it's fucking scary but I want to.  And I haven't wanted to since Mike and I'm terrified but I wanna try and…"  I swallowed hard and looked up at him sheepishly.  "…and we're together as of last night."

He blinked at me and I popped my lips, huffing.

"He brought me a rose today after lunch," I offered quietly.

"You…"  He finally set the papers down on the desk and grabbed his glasses from his face, placing those on top of the paper as well.  "You're dating Edward."

I nodded, wrapping my arms tightly around my legs.

"You're okay with that?"

"I'm fucking terrified but… he is, too.  So…"

He sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips against the desk, nodding to the thoughts I'm sure he had running through his mind.

"You really want this?"

I nodded again.  "I really do."

I still hadn't been able to figure out when I decided that I did, but I had.  Edward was the only one outside of my family that had stuck around throughout the breakdowns and freak-outs and my crazy ass dating history without turning tail and running the other way like he should've.  He'd stuck by my side through everything and even though the rational part of my mind was extremely fucking small, it had screamed at me to get over myself and be with him; give him what he wants because the both of us deserved someone good in our lives.

I wasn't so sure that he deserved me, but that's what the therapy would be for, right?  And if they had to put me on pills and tell me what I was already quite aware of, I'd do it for him.

No, you'll do it for the both of you because you need this.

I watched as Carlisle rose from his chair and walked over to me, pulling me up and crushing me against his chest in a hug.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, Bella," he whispered into my ear.  "And so happy for you."

I grinned and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, bouncing on my toes a little as I buried my face in his chest.

"Okay," he stated a few moments later, backing away from me.  "Have you told your mother?"

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head.

"It just happened last night.  I wanted to tell you first and let you know before anyone else.  The whole working together thing," I mumbled when I saw his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

He nodded and pursed his lips, walking to the door and yanking it open.  I stared at him as he disappeared out of it, confused and somewhat afraid.  He hadn't changed his mind about this, has he?  I sat back down, turning to watch the doorway as I chewed on my bottom lip and slipped my feet back into my shoes.

He showed up a few seconds later with Edward in tow and I attempted a small smile when I saw the terrified look on his face.

"Have a seat, Edward," Carlisle said easily, stepping out of the way and closing the door before walking behind his desk.

They both sat down and I slowly faced forward, forcing my hands to stay in my lap.  I wanted to grab onto Edward for dear life and tell Carlisle that whatever this was all about, I was not leaving without this man at my side.

"I wanted to go over this with the both of you," he started, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his desk.  "I have no problem with you dating as long as it doesn't interfere with your work during the day.  Stay professional while you're here and everything should continue to run smoothly."  We both nodded almost frantically and I watched Carlisle grin.  "As long as you both understand that this is still your place of business and don't maul each other in plain sight, there shouldn't be a problem."  He turned his gaze to Edward and I swallowed hard, almost squinting at him.  "I expect to see you at Sunday dinner.  We're having a joint one this week."

I groaned and leaned forward to bury my face in my hands.

"Is mom aware of this?" I mumbled, shaking my head.

"She will be," he stated excitedly.  "Is that okay with you, Edward?"

"Uh-huh."

I turned my head and looked over at him, dropping my hands back to my lap.  He looked beyond terrified at this point.

"Good!  Now, I'm very happy for the both of you, but get out of my office.  I want to go home."

We both stood up and turned towards the door.

"Oh, Bella?"

We both stopped and I turned around again, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you need the number?"

Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed Edward's hand, squeezing as I shook my head.

"Still got it."

"Good."

I nodded once at him and turned once more, walking out of the office and quickly coming face-to-face with an over-excited Alice.  Who was supposed to have left twenty minutes ago with Angela hot on her heels as they continued talking about… hell, I don't even remember what they were talking about.  I'd been too busy trying to figure out an easy way to tell Carlisle about Edward and I to have paid as much attention to my co-workers as I clearly should've.

"You're going with Jasper, Ben and Emmett tomorrow!" she chirped, pointing at Edward.

"What?" he deadpanned, his hand tightening around mine.

"The girls," she motioned between her and me, "are going Christmas shopping.  The guys are all hanging out while we do it.  You are now included in that and there is absolutely no arguing."

"How did you…?" I started, shaking my head and blinking at her.

"I told you I saw it," she grinned, reaching up to tap the side of her head.  "Meet me at Emmett's at eleven!"

She pranced off and I blinked after her, shaking my head.  Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one around here…

Edward tugged on my hand, pulling me down to his office, slamming the door behind us and immediately wrapping his arms around me.  I smiled, burying my nose into his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I guess I'm meeting your mom?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"You don't have to," I said quickly, shaking my head.  "Carlisle is just… he's…"

"He's like your father and you don't go against what your girlfriend's father says to you."

I was insanely glad that my face was buried into his chest because the way I felt it burn and the smile I felt on my face when he said girlfriend was probably beyond comical.

"You were gonna have to meet her on Christmas anyway, you know."

He grunted and held me tighter, burying his face in my hair and splaying his hands on my back.

"I hadn't really thought about it that way, I guess.  And what's this about me hanging out with your brother tomorrow?"

"That was all Alice.  I'm just as confused as you are."

"Did you know that you were going shopping with her?"

"Well, yeah, but I just figured that I'd see you after or something.  I didn't think she'd stick you with… oh my God," I breathed, reality finally hitting me square in the face and I clung to him.

"What?  What happened?"

"You're hanging out with Emmett… meaning that Rose will be with us," I gulped, burying my nose into his chest and doing my absolute best to crawl underneath his skin.

"Maybe she'll… uhm… ignore you?"

I snorted and shook my head, sighing heavily and turning my head to press a small kiss against his throat.

"I'm not thinking about it right now."

He hummed quietly and leaned back, quickly capturing my top lip in between his.

"Maybe I can distract you?" he whispered before kissing me again.

"Please," I breathed out, tightening my hands into fists around his waist and sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.

"How's this working?" he mumbled, his tongue snaking out and touching my top lip.

I hummed and opened my mouth completely to his, slipping my tongue inside and holding him even tighter.

"Stay with me tonight?" he whispered as he pulled away.

"We have…"

"We both apparently have to be at your brother's tomorrow morning at eleven.  I'm making this easier for both of us," he smiled, his thumbs rubbing over my back.

"Are you…?"

He kissed me and I hummed again, the question completely forgotten the moment his lips touched mine.

"Okay," I mumbled as he backed away.

He grinned at me.

"Come with me to get my number changed?  And then I'll make you dinner for real this time?"

"'Kay."

He laughed and kissed me once more before he let me go.

"Go get your stuff.  I'll be there in a minute."

"Don't you have charts?  Or paperwork?  Something?" I asked, shaking my head once and managing to break out of my daze for a minute.

"Weekend," he chirped, walking around his desk and plopping his briefcase on the top.  "Go on."

I turned around, the daze quickly returning before I made my way back to the front office to get my things.  Once again, Tanya was in my chair, glaring at me as I walked in.

"You're ridiculous," she snarled.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, slightly tipping my head to the side.  I wasn't going to let her get to me this time.  I'd spent way too much time in a very, very dark place and I was finally starting to see little pinpoints of light; I refused to let her ruin it this early on.

"I loved Josh and I loved Mike.  That'll never change no matter who I'm with.  Now, I'd really appreciate it if you'd go fuck yourself," I said, chipper.

I moved around her, internally snorting at her open mouth as I grabbed my things and shut down the computer.  I grabbed the rose Edward had given me earlier in the day and twisted it in between my fingers as I stood up straight.

"Have a nice night, Tanya."

I slung my purse over my shoulder, walked down to the kitchen and quickly grabbed a random vase that was ten times bigger than the rose.  I filled it with water, smirking and humming to myself as I set the rose in and placed the whole vase on top of the microwave.  That finished, I walked down to Edward's office, a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  I burst through the door, hopping from foot to foot with anticipation as the door slammed shut behind me.  He was halfway in between the door and his desk, one of his eyebrows quirked at me.

"You all right?" he asked slowly.

"I told her off!" I squealed, actually clapping my hands and giggling like Alice does when she's excited about something.

"Who?"

"Tanya!"

He grinned again and stepped up to me, leaning in and gently kissing the end of my nose.

"'Bout damn time, woman."

I reached forward and pinched his stomach, laughing as he dropped his briefcase and grabbed me around the waist.  He pulled me against his chest, his arms tight around me as he kissed all over my face.  I squealed but had absolutely no desire to pull away from him, tilting my face up to his and grinning as his lips finally landed on mine again.  He laughed, dropping his forehead to mine.

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Well then get moving!" he laughed, kissing me again before letting me go and reaching down to grab his briefcase again.  "We have things to do!"

I grinned, grabbing his free hand and lacing our fingers together, proudly walking out of his office with him.

This was what happy felt like.  I'd forgotten how it could be and with my hand caught in Edward's as we walked into the lobby, I never wanted to forget it again.

~*~

"Where'd you get these pictures from?  They're amazing."

I stopped shoving things into my over night bag and swallowed hard, closing my eyes and shaking my head before taking a deep breath and walking out of my bedroom with the bag clutched in my hands.  I walked into the living room, nervously zipping the bag and biting the inside of my cheek to find Edward standing next to my television, staring at the two framed photographs hanging on the wall.

I'd asked him to stop at my apartment so that I could get some clothes and other necessities that I'd need for spending the night with him again.  I hadn't questioned why it was so easy to say yes to that with him; I didn't care.  I was done caring and I was doing my best to ignore all the second thoughts that were floating around in my head; the ones that would destroy me and everything I was trying to rebuild after being so far gone for so long.

"I took them," I said quietly, slinging the bag over my shoulder.

He turned to face me, his new phone still clutched in his hand like it had been ever since we walked out of the store twenty minutes ago with one of his eyebrows raised at me.

He'd been glued to the damn thing.  He'd intended to just get a new number, but the minute his eyes landed on the newest version of the Blackberry, he'd gotten this stupid look on his face and just had to have it.  We spent almost an hour in the store as it was; he'd gotten roped into a riveting conversation with the sales guy and I'd walked around the store at least fifty damn times waiting for him.  He'd even exchanged numbers with the guy and I spent half the time I was walking around trying to determine if Brian was trying to get into my boyfriend's pants.  The other half of the time, I was silently swooning over even being able to use the term boyfriend in relation to myself.

This was completely new territory and I was equal parts ecstatic and terrified about all of it.

"You took them?"

I nodded, shifting uneasily under his gaze and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yeah."

"When…?  I… how?"

"That's what I went to school for."

"Bella…"  He turned back to the two photos and I bit my lip.  "These are really good!  Why are you not doing this for a living?"

"Those are the only two prints that I took over the entire ten-month course that were any good.  I failed my final portfolio review the first time.  I'm not meant to be a photographer, Edward."

"I find that really hard to believe.  Have you looked at these lately?  They're… Bella, this one is amazing," he gushed, turning again and pointing to the one of Jake's back as he stood on a rock overlooking the ocean.

"Jake was better than I was," I sighed, shaking my head.  I wasn't lying, either.  The mechanic that had accidentally enrolled into a photography class was ten times better than the aspiring photographer he'd befriended.  "And I found out that I just… I don't want to do it.  That's not what I want to do."

He turned back to me, shaking his head.

"Bella… these are amazing.  I mean that."

"Well, thank you," I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

He tipped my chin up, leaning down and kissing me gently.

"I mean it.  And I want to see this portfolio of yours one day, too."

"Why?" I groaned, pouting.

He smiled and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip.

"Because I live to prove you wrong."

"Well, in that case," I said slowly, leaning down a little and kissing his thumb as he made another pass over my lip, "I want to hear you play something.  I've heard you sing and now I want to hear you play."

"I have no problem with that," he grinned.  "I know I'm a good musician."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, reaching forward and pinching his stomach lightly.

"Ass."

"And yet," he started, flinging an arm around my shoulders and leading me towards my door, "you're still dating me."

I grinned and leaned against him, resting my head against his chest.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Hey!" he whined, squeezing my shoulders tightly.  "That wasn't fair!"

I laughed and stopped him, leaning up and gently kissing him.

"You know I didn't mean it."

He grinned and nodded, kissing me again.

"Come on.  I'm hungry."

I followed him out of the apartment, locking the door behind us and closing it, letting him grab my hand and lead me to the car.  He opened my door and I grinned to myself, throwing my bag over the seat before climbing in and letting him close the door.

We drove to his apartment in a comfortable silence, the radio playing softly in the background.  I followed him inside once we climbed out, nodding to him as he suggested I put my bag in the bedroom, absently flipping the lights on as I went.  I threw my bag and purse into the corner by the bed, toeing off my shoes and stretching before I walked into the kitchen.

He already had his shirt sleeves pulled up to his elbows, shaking a bag with what I assumed contained a chicken breast and some bread crumbs.  I grinned, pressing my lips together and wrapping my arms around myself as I quietly walked in behind him.

Apparently it had taken me a lot longer to put my things away than I'd thought.  That, or he moved at the speed of light.

"What are you making?"

"Breaded chicken breast," he said simply, looking behind him and smiling brightly at me.  "What else would I make?"

I let out something that sounded close to a squeak before I stepped up to him, placed my hands on his shoulders and kissed him quickly.

"You're unreal, you know?"

"That's a good thing, right?"

I nodded and stepped down, crossing my arms over my chest as I walked next to him and leaned back against the counter, watching as he carelessly tossed the bag between his hands.

"I'm assuming you're a good cook," I started, tilting my head to the side.

"My mother taught me that, too," he said quietly, nodding once at me before dropping the bag to the counter and untying the loose knot in the top.

I bit the inside of my cheek, watching as he grabbed the chicken from the bag and placed it in a glass pan resting on the stove next to him.

"There's some wine in the cabinet next to the fridge if you want it," he offered, looking over at me as he grabbed another piece of chicken and dumped it into a bowl of something white.

"Only if you have one, too."

"Naturally."

I smiled and pushed off from the counter, quickly finding the bottle and staring at the cabinets surrounding me.

"Glasses?"

He nodded to one of the cabinets next to him and I quickly made my way over to them, standing on my toes to grab two wine glasses.  I worked the cork out of the top of the bottle and poured, setting his glass of wine safely away from his elbows before hopping up onto a clean space of the counter and watching him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I took a deep breath, biting back the immediate response I usually gave him and nodded as I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip.

"Your photography."

I raised an eyebrow, smirking as I wiggled a little on the counter and set the glass in between my legs.

"You really need to learn to start asking things, Edward.  I can't read minds."

He huffed out a laugh and looked over at me, one of his eyes narrowed playfully at me as he stuffed the chicken into the bag and loosely knotted the top.

"Why did you study that if you didn't like it?"

"It wasn't that I didn't like it.  I do like it."

"So why aren't you doing it?"

"I'm not meant for it."

"How'd you come to that conclusion?"

I took a deep breath and huffed it out.

"Mike wanted me to do it," I said quietly.  "He said that I had the mind and the eye for it.  I did it for him."

"Did you want to do it after he…?"

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head.  "But he wanted me to, so I did."

"What did you want to do?"

I leaned back against the wall behind me, resting my head against it and looking up at the ceiling as I absently ran my tongue along my bottom lip.

"I wanted to write," I said quietly.  "I've been writing my entire life.  My mother always said that it was what I should've done."

"Do you still write?"

"I haven't in a long time."  I looked over at him and leaned forward, grabbing my wine glass and sipping from it.  "Nothing like I used to, anyway.  I have a journal that I write to Mike in.  When our anniversary comes around or when I just miss him a lot…  I write to him."

"Did he ever see anything that you wrote?"

I nodded again.

"He loved my writing," I smiled softly, looking down at the glass in my hands.  "I'd write him letters when I was at work; when I got bored or something.  I'd pour my heart and soul into these long letters and I'd hand them to him when I saw him next.  I was always so nervous."  I laughed, shaking my head and leaning back against the wall again.  "I always thought that I would scare him away when he read how I felt about him; things that I couldn't bring myself to say to him face-to-face.  But he never did.  He always told me that my words to him were… amazing.  They made him feel closer to me."

"But he still wanted you to go into photography?"

I sighed and nodded, shrugging as I once again leaned forward.

"Yep.  So… that's what I did."

"You're not using it, though."

"I struggled the entire ten months that I was there.  Jake had to help me through everything; he even did a couple of assignments for me."   I sucked in a deep breath and lifted the glass to my lips again.  "I wasn't cut out to be a photographer."

"But…"

"I got a second chance to pass it," I sighed out, setting the glass between my legs again and running the tip of my pointer finger around the rim.  "And I did.  But I could've done better.  I should've passed the first time."  I looked over at him and shook my head.  "I don't regret going and getting my degree because I met Jake.  And I might be really pissed off at him right now, but he was the one good thing that came out of that time."

"I think you should do it on the side," he said quickly, setting the bag back onto the counter and untying the knot once more.  "I meant it when I said that I loved those pictures, Bella.  They were great and you should do something with it."

I shrugged one shoulder, still tracing the rim of the glass with my fingertip.

"Maybe."

We sat in silence and I listened as he made two more pieces of chicken before he washed off his hands and covered the pan with tinfoil before sticking it in the oven.  I watched as he cleaned up the mess he'd made of the counter, placing dishes into the dishwasher and throwing the bag of bread crumbs into the garbage.  He grabbed his glass of wine when he was finished and walked over to me, working himself between my legs.  He set the glass down at my side and placed his hands on either side of me, waiting patiently for me to meet his eyes.

"I'm not gonna pressure you into it or anything, Bella."

"I know."

"It's just that you have the knowledge to do something like that.  And if you want to write, I'll support you on that, too."  He smirked and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine.  "If you want to stay in the front office of the practice for the rest of your life, I'll be the first to give you my blessings.  I just think that maybe you should try again."

"I love Carlisle and everyone else, but I don't want to be there for the rest of my life," I smirked, shaking my head slightly.  "I just haven't decided what I want to do yet."

"Can I read something that you've written?"

"Uhm," I mumbled, twisting my lips to the side.  "I'm not… I haven't written… I haven't written anything in a while…"

"Would you show it to me if you had?" he asked softly.

I swallowed hard and sucked in another deep breath, staring into his eyes and feeling my heart fall a little when he merely nodded and stepped back from me.  He grabbed his glass and lifted it to his lips, staring at the oven as he sipped.  I looked down at my lap, crossing my hands over my glass and pressing my lips together.

Gotta ruin everything, don't you, Bella?

"Edward, I'm…"

"Don't apologize, Bella," he said quickly, shaking his head.  "Please stop apologizing."

I nodded, grabbing the glass and jumping down from the counter.  I walked by him, holding the glass to my chest as I started out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get something."

"Bella…"

"I'll be right back," I grumbled, shaking my head and walking out of the kitchen.

I walked into his bedroom and set my glass on the end table, grabbing my purse from the corner I'd thrown it in and pulling out my wallet.  I yanked open the back, bypassing the measly amount of cash I had there and grabbed the worn out pieces of scratch paper I'd had in there for six years.  I stood up straight, closed my eyes briefly, held the paper up to my lips and shook my head.  I opened my eyes and grabbed my glass before turning and quickly walking back into the kitchen.  He was leaning against the counter I'd been sitting on, his glass sitting off to the side and his head down.  He looked up when he heard me and I walked over to him, standing in front of him and holding the folded paper up in between us.

"I wrote this to him the morning of the party.  I was working at a small portrait studio at the time and it was quiet.  I was thinking of him and everything that I wanted him to know, so I wrote this to him."

His eyes flicked from mine to the paper in between us.

"I was going to save it for his birthday; put it in his card.  He got into the accident six days before his birthday and I never got the chance to give it to him."  I swallowed hard and palmed the paper, pressing my hand against his chest and waiting for him to look at me.  "This was the last thing I wrote that didn't involve work or a grocery list.  This is all that I can offer you."

"I didn't…"

"Take it," I whispered, sliding my hand down his chest, keeping the paper pressed against him with my fingertips.  "Read it."

He quickly placed his hand over it as my hand slid away from him and I stepped back, wrapping my free arm around my waist and pressing the glass to my lips as I stared down at the floor.

"Bella, I don't…"

"It's all I have, Edward," I whispered, shaking my head and dragging the edge of the glass back and forth on my bottom lip.  "I can't offer you anything else."

"That's not what I…"

"Would you just read it already?" I snapped, looking up at him quickly before turning on my heel and walking into the living room.

I plopped down on the couch, setting the glass haphazardly on the coffee table and leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees.  I buried my hands in my hair and closed my eyes tightly, sucking in even breaths through my mouth.  The letter I'd just given Edward to read was the last thing I wrote; one of the most personal things that I could ever remember writing to anyone.  His birthday had been coming up and I had this entire elaborate night planned.  Dinner out, a surprise party with all of our friends when we got back to his house and then I'd give him the card and letter when we finally made it to bed pending he wasn't too hammered to read it.  It was everything I'd felt for him, everything that he'd made me feel all written down.

I hadn't read it since I'd put it in my wallet.  I don't know why I kept it there; there was no logical reason to keep it so close to me when I knew that I'd never be able to read it without having a small breakdown.

But Edward wanted to read something that I'd written.  I'd seen the look of disappointment and defeat in his eyes when I didn't answer him; it was the only thing I could think of.  He already knew everything anyway; why not add this to the monstrous pile of issues we had between us?

I blew out a breath and ran my hands through my hair, reaching forward and grabbing my glass again.  I downed the rest of it, making a face at the coffee table as I set the glass back down and swallowed, coughing.

I really didn't even like wine.  I was only drinking it because he'd offered it.

I felt naked.  No one had read that; not my mother, not Emmett, not Carlisle… no one.  It was like a safety net; something that I could just know was there so that I could torture myself to make everything a little worse when my world was spinning out of control.  I could hold it and turn it over in my hand as many damn times as I wanted to without reading.  It was enough to know that it was there; that there was a piece of my feelings and Mike all wrapped together in those four pages I'd folded and crushed behind the pathetic amount of cash I carried.  It was the last thing I wrote that had any meaning at all and Edward was reading it.  He was reading it.

I leaned forward and dug my hands into my hair again, still trying to breathe evenly as I waited for him to finish reading.  I felt it the minute he walked into the living room and I tensed, pressing my lips together and doing my best not to move as he sat down on the couch next to me.  I heard the papers rustling and chanced a look over as he set them on the coffee table.  My handwriting jumped out at me, words like happy birthday, love, you make me, and changes taunting me, crashing down on my shoulders and making my heart twinge in my chest.

We sat in silence for a few moments.  I kept staring at the letter sitting just within my reach and was hyper-aware of Edward sitting still and silent next to me.

"You should be a writer," he said softly, his voice hoarse.

I looked over at him, my eyes wide as I watched him rub his fingertips underneath his eyes before he pressed his thumbs against his lips and stared down at his shoes.

"Forget everything anyone has ever told you about photography or being stuffed in an office all damn day, Bella.  You need to be a writer."

He looked over at me and I swallowed hard, licking my lips before dropping my arms and sitting up straight.

"I can't imagine – after reading just that – why Mike would've wanted you to be a photographer.  If he'd read all of what you'd ever written him, I don't understand.  And I'm sorry if you didn't want me to read it."  He nodded towards the note, wiping his palms on his thighs before looking over at me again.  "I'm sorry if I pushed."

"You… I…"  I blinked at him, shaking my head.  "It wasn't…"

He placed his hand in between us, his palm facing up and I looked down at it.

"I would buy every single photograph you took and sold.  I will watch you in awe as you type away on the keyboard at work because God knows I can't type to save my life."  I laughed a little, shaking my head and looking up at him.  He smirked at me and held his hand up.  I didn't hesitate any longer and placed my hand in his, linking our fingers.  "But I would stalk you while you toured for your book and be at every single damn signing that I could get to."

"All of that over a letter?" I choked out, laughing a little and shaking my head at him.

He turned completely towards me, reached up with his free hand to brush hair from my forehead as he nodded.

"Yes."

"You can't…"

"You're a woman of many talents," he said softly, moving in closer to me and resting his forehead on mine.  "Your photographs are amazing and your office skills are great."  I laughed and rolled my eyes, shaking my head slightly.  "But your writing is perfect."

"You can't really think…"

"Oh, but I do," he said quickly, squeezing my hand and placing his other on my knee.  "Thank you for trusting me with that."

I huffed out a breath and reached up to place my other hand on his neck, leaning in and kissing him softly.

"I'm doing my best," I whispered as I backed away from him.

"That's all I'd ever ask from you."  He squeezed my knee and gently kissed me again.  "What do you say to some music?"

I smirked and nodded at him.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Why don't you go put that away?"  He motioned with his chin towards the letter on the coffee table.  "I'll get everything set up in here."

I nodded again and stood up, quickly snatching the letter and folding it back up into the small square as I walked into his bedroom.  I placed it back into my wallet, pursing my lips as I stuffed it back into my purse and stood back up to walk into the living room.  I stopped at the entrance when I saw Edward sitting in the armchair in the corner, an acoustic guitar in his lap as he absently strummed a few chords, tuning it.

"You're gonna play for me?" I asked softly, slowly walking in and standing in front of him.

He looked up and smiled at me, nodding.

"What would you like to hear?"

I immediately dropped to the floor, crossing my legs in front of me and resting back on my hands, smiling up at him.

"Anything you want."

He nodded, catching his tongue between his teeth as he looked back down at the guitar and continued to tune it.  I watched his hands, tilting my head to the side and watching as he expertly twisted knobs and strummed before he seemed to think it was finished.

"I see you standing there, but you're so far away," he started singing and immediately, I was relaxed.  "Starving for your attention, you don't even know my name.  You're going through so much, but I know that I could be the one to hold you."

The song sounded familiar enough, but I couldn't place it.  And with his voice wrapping around me, I closed my eyes and realized that I really didn't care.  He might've been a really great doctor, but the obvious musical talent that he possessed was even better.  I could easily get lost in his voice, listening to him sing or play the guitar for as long as he was willing to sit there and do it for me.

"Every single day, I find it hard to say, I could be yours to hold.  You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold.  I was yours to hold."

I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me, his hands smoothly moving along the strings of the guitar as his eyes locked with mine.  My breath got caught in my throat and I tilted my head down slightly, still keeping my eyes connected with his.

"I see you walking by, your hair always hiding your face.  I wonder why you've been hurting, I wish I had some way to say.  You're going through so much, don't you know that I could be the one to hold you?"

He launched into the chorus and I felt goose bumps cover my arms and legs as I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach.  You should know I'm ready when you're ready for me.  And I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know that I'm yours to hold."

He sang the chorus again and I wiggled a little on the floor, licking my bottom lip and scraping my teeth against it, tilting my head when he missed a few chords and words.

I know that he hadn't written it or anything, but the way he kept looking at me and the way he sounded completely sincere about every single word had me glued to the floor, my heart beating rapidly in my chest and every inch of me alert.  I chose to ignore the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that any good musician would make it seem like he meant them and instead focused on the way his mouth formed each syllable.

I realized with a sharp intake of breath that I wanted him.

And I hadn't wanted anyone since James.  I couldn't figure out if that was supposed to terrify me or placate me because that had just ended in pure disaster.  I didn't want this to turn out like that; this was so much more than that and Edward was nothing like James was.

It won't end like that.  You know it won't end like that because you know that everything is different with Edward.  You know that he's more and you know that it won't end that way.

"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach.  I'm ready when you're ready for me," he sang as he played the last notes and slapped his hand against the strings.

We stared at each other and I watched as he slowly moved the guitar from his lap, resting it against the side of the chair and resting his hands on the arm rests.

"Bella," he said softly, slightly tipping his head down.

"Edward," I replied just as softly, tilting my head back and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Are you still hungry?" he asked, his tongue coming out to lick his bottom lip.

I shook my head, my ability to speak suddenly gone.

He slowly slid down from the chair, resting on his knees in front of me.  I leaned back on my hands again and he leaned forward, anchoring his hands below mine on the floor.  His fingers brushed over the back of my hands and my breathing picked up as he leaned in and kissed me softly.  We kept our eyes open and locked together as he kissed me again, his tongue running over my bottom lip.  I opened my mouth under his, quickly twisting our tongues together before I sucked his top lip into my mouth.

This was different and I knew it.  I was very much aware of where this was going to lead and I could only hope that he didn't stop us this time.  I understood his reasoning for last night after I'd really taken the time to think about it a little more, but I wouldn't be able to understand tonight.  Tonight was different and I could only pray that he knew it, too.

He broke away from me briefly, his lips hovering over mine.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he whispered.

I leaned forward and he leaned away until his back was pressed against the chair and I sat up on my knees until I hovered over him.  I raised my hands and threaded them into his hair, scratching my nails over his scalp.

"Don't," I whispered before I kissed him again.

His arms were around my waist, his hands splayed out on my back as he pulled me closer to him and kissed me with more force.  His hands trailed down my back and stopped at the hem of my work shirt, tugging slightly before he worked them underneath and pressed his hands on my back.  The sparks and fireworks were back, his touch leaving trails of fire as he moved them in circles and then in a straight line up and down.  I moaned softly into his mouth, moving my hands from his hair to place them on each side of his face.  I mimicked the trail of his hands with my thumbs on his cheeks, moving in closer to him and pressing my chest against his.

"Tell me you're sure," he breathed, pulling back to move to my neck.  "I won't push you on this, Bella.  Tell me you really want this."

My hands made their way back into his hair as my head fell back, trailing down the back of his neck and fisting into the shoulders of his shirt.

"I really want this," I managed, pulling up.

He groaned into my skin, moving from my neck.  I tipped my head back up and quickly pulled his shirt off, meeting his eyes as he trailed his hands from my back to my stomach.  I threw his shirt on the couch, biting my bottom lip as his hands made their way up, brushing over my breasts as he lifted my shirt.  I held my arms up and let him pull it off, shaking my hair out of my face and dropping my hands to his shoulders as he threw my shirt to join his.  I ran my hands down his chest, my eyes landing on a tattoo directly over his heart.

"You have one, too," I whispered, oddly marveled by this fact as I traced the lines of the triquetra.

"Yeah," he breathed out, his hands resting on my waist briefly before he splayed them on my stomach.

His fingertips slid under the wires of my bra and I sucked in a deep breath.

"What's it for?" I managed as he traced the undersides of my breasts.

"Lauren, Tyler and I got matching ones after our high school graduation.  We called ourselves the Charmed Ones because ours was the only friendship that had lasted throughout all four years and all the bullshit."

I looked up at him, my fingertips still tracing the edges as he continued to drag his fingertips on my ribs.  He had that look in his eyes again – the forlorn and broken look I'd seen when he was telling me what had happened between all of them.  I leaned forward, keeping my eyes locked with his as I pressed my lips to the center of his tattoo.  He shivered and moved his hands to my back, quickly unclasping my bra.  I sat back and pulled it from my arms, throwing it to the side and leaning in to kiss him.  He palmed my breasts, gently squeezing my nipples between his thumb and forefinger.  I hummed against his mouth, arching my chest into his hands.

"Up," he breathed, trailing his mouth across my cheek and along my jaw.  "Bedroom."

I stood up, using his shoulders as support and found that my entire body was shaking.

Was I scared?  Yes.  My last sexual encounter had not been all that stellar and I was afraid of disappointing Edward.  I wasn't sure who was at fault the last time – even though I had a sneaking suspicion that it was probably me – and I didn't want to ruin what had started out to be really fucking good.  I wanted to be good in all the right ways, but had little to no sexual knowledge and every inch of me was just… well, scared.

He stood up and his arms immediately wound around my waist, pulling me against him.  His mouth was halfway to mine when he froze, his hands splayed out on my back once again.

"You're shaking," he whispered, his voice concerned and worried and every other adjective that I did not deserve.

I merely nodded and swallowed hard, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Bella, we don't have to…"

"I want to," I said quickly, shaking my head once.  "I don’t want you to be upset if I…"

"Stop," he said, his eyes narrowing at me.  "Don’t even think it."

"But I haven't… I don't know…"

He crushed his mouth to mine, his tongue insistently darting into my mouth as he pulled me tightly against him.  I reveled in the sparks shooting through me, delighted in the fireworks I saw behind my eyes.

"Do you feel that?" he whispered gruffly, pulling back from me.

Once again, I could only nod.

"You will not upset me."  He grabbed one of my hands and placed it on the front of his pants.  My mouth dropped open a little as I felt him.  "You did that to me."

"Oh," I breathed.

He chuckled a little and placed both of his hands on my cheeks.  I kept one hand on his pants and the other on his shoulder, looking up at him as he tilted my head up.

"I'm with you, Bella," he whispered, "and that's really all that – holy fuck."

I twisted my lips to the side at the reaction I got when I curled my fingers around him as much as I could and dragged my hand up.

"You were saying?" I asked quietly, flattening my hand against him and sliding it back down.

"You don't really expect me to remember when you're doing that, do you?" he breathed, his eyes fluttering closed and his head rolling back onto his shoulders.

"Try."

I swallowed hard, slid my hand back up and stood up on my toes to press my lips against the hollow of his throat.  He dragged his hands down to my shoulders, rubbing small circles into my skin.

"I can't," he managed, his voice breaking as he shook his head.  "I need… Bella, this is your last chance to say no."

I slid my tongue along his collarbone and despite the way my hands were still slightly shaking, I managed to unsnap the button of his pants.  He breathed out a moan and tightened his hands around my shoulders, gently pushing me back before crushing his lips against mine.

"I have to turn the oven off," he breathed against my lips.  "Go wait for me."

I nodded, kissing him once more before I turned from him and made my way towards his bedroom.  My bottom lip was in my mouth and my arms were over my bare chest as I walked in, staring at his bed.  I kept my eyes on the pillows at the head of the bed as I reached down and pulled off my socks.

It was normal to be nervous, wasn't it?  Being with someone else for the first time in three years; that was completely something to be nervous about, wasn't it?  And feeling this way for someone new so quickly after meeting them… that meant that something was right about the whole thing, didn't it?  I don't rush into things; I take my sweet ass time making decisions and with Edward, all the rules had been changed.

I heard his footsteps behind me and then his arms were around my waist as he pulled me close to him.  I leaned my head against his shoulder, reaching one arm up and tangling my hand in his hair.  He pressed his lips against my shoulder, slowly swaying side to side with me as his hands trailed up my stomach and stopped at my breasts.  I hummed, looking down and watching as his hands cupped them, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples.  I tightened my hand in his hair before turning completely and grabbing his face in my hands, crashing my lips against his.

"Oh yeah?" he mumbled, laughing a little.

"Mhmm," I mumbled back, pressing my chest completely against his and doing my best not to trip over anything as he walked us towards his bed.

My legs hit the side of it and I didn't have time to realize what was going on until he had already bent down and scooped me into his arms.

"What are you…?"

He grinned at me and slid onto the bed with me still in his arms before he set me down in the middle and crawled on top of me.

"I'm treating you right, Bella," he whispered, placing one hand on my cheek and rubbing his thumb over my chin.  "You'd better get used to it."

My eyes involuntarily watered and I grabbed his face again, bringing his lips to mine and kissing him slowly, reveling in the sparks and everything else that he made me feel.  One of his hands was on my stomach, slowly making its way down to my work pants and I merely lifted my hips once he'd gotten the button open and the zipper down.

There was no more thinking about whether or not this was right or wrong or completely insane.  The man who was currently running his hands up and down my calves and kissing me like I'd be the last person to ever do so didn't deserve to be second guessed or pushed away.  He was either going to be the one to save me or he'd end up killing me in the end, but right now – as I moved my hands down his back and yanked on the belt loops of his work pants – I felt the way I'd been longing to feel again for the past six years.  I didn't want that to change and if Edward could bring that back to me, then I wasn't going to keep questioning it.

"I'm not on birth control," I breathed as he kissed down to my neck.  "I was tested the last time I slept with someone and I’m clean."

He laughed into my skin, his hands roaming my stomach and teasing my breasts.

"I was tested before Carlisle hired me and the only person I'd ever been with was Lauren."  He leaned back, anchoring his hands on either side of my head.  "And now, you."

"I just wanted you to know.  And if you don't have…"

"I have condoms," he reassured me, nodding and smirking at me.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned, shrugging innocently.

"Wishful thinking?"

"Hopeful," he corrected, leaning down again and kissing me softly.

He helped me in dragging his pants down, briefly moving from me as he kicked them off.

"Please be sure," he whispered, his fingertips tapping against my stomach as he trailed one hand down.

"Now who needs the sign?" I breathed out on a laugh.

He playfully narrowed an eye at me before leaning down and pressing his lips to the center of my chest.  I pressed my lips together, keeping eye contact with him as he moved his hands to my sides and continued his kisses down my stomach.  I reached up, my limbs ten times heavier than normal and tangled my fingers in his hair.

"Safe," he whispered as he hooked his fingers into my panties.

I nodded frantically, lifting my hips once in anticipation.  He chuckled softly and kissed his way back up, slowly pulling my panties down and off.

As soon as they were off my feet, the nerves started to kick in and I wanted nothing more than to hurl myself off a cliff to get rid of them.  This was not the time to be wondering if I'd be good enough for him; if I'd wake up to his disappointed face staring down at me and his lips – his perfect lips – forming the word goodbye.

"It's been a really…" I started, swallowing hard as he pulled away from me.

"I will never hurt you that way, Bella," he whispered, placing a line of soft kisses against my forehead.  "You say stop at any time and I will."

"I'm just…"

"I know."  He kissed me softly and I trailed my hands down his sides.  "Safe."

Oh my God, I could love you.

My heart stuttered in my chest and with that one terrifying thought, I kissed him harder and grabbed onto his boxers, yanking them down.  He breathed out something between a moan and a breathy laugh as he kicked them off as well.  One of his hands trailed up my leg and stopped at my hip, his thumb making lazy circles on my skin.  He slowly moved his hand over, resting it on my stomach with his fingers splayed out.

"Trust me?" he breathed, pulling away from me.

If I trusted you much more, I'd be crawling inside of you, sweetheart.

I merely nodded, biting my bottom lip and sucking in a deep breath as he slid his hand even further down, his thumb pressing into me.  I moaned, twisting my hips underneath him as he slowly dragged his thumb up and down my clit.

"Oh," I whimpered, my hands clutching onto his shoulders as he twisted his hand and slid a finger inside of me.

It had been so long that the slightest movement, the lightest touch of his fingers had me nearing the edge already.  I would've been embarrassed if I could really think about anything else that didn't involve the way he was making me feel.  My hips moved against his hand and my eyes were screwed tightly together as kept up his movements.

"Edward."

"Yes, Bella."  His voice was hoarse and rough, only pushing me even closer to that peak I was so reaching for.  "Feel me."

He curled his finger and I was lost; my hips jerking against his hand and my fingernails digging into his shoulders so hard that I barely registered that I might've drawn blood at some point.  I cried out, my back arched off the bed and my toes curled tightly.

I fell back into the mattress and he moved his hand from me, stroking my hip.  I kept my eyes closed and retracted my hands from his shoulders, dropping them to my chest as I tried catching my breath.

"Okay?" he asked, his voice still rough and raw.

I opened my eyes and met his, staring back at him for a few moments before I sat up and launched myself at him.  He caught me, his arms immediately wrapping tightly around my waist and his mouth hot and urgent against mine.  His hands roamed my back, briefly curling into the ends of my hair before he curled his hands over my shoulders and pushed me onto my back again.  He broke away from me, resting his forehead against mine as he reached over to the bedside table and fumbled with the drawer.

"Safe," I whispered, pulling my legs up and placing them on either side of him.

I watched as his tongue darted out of his mouth, wetting his bottom lip before he pulled away from me and sat back a little.  I watched as he ripped open the little gold wrapper, throwing it off to the side.  I sat up on my elbows, watching as he rolled it on to himself as my breathing picked up and my heartbeat got louder in my ears.  He leaned over me when he was done, his forehead back on mine and his breath washing over my face as he situated himself in between my legs again.

"You'll tell me," he managed.

I nodded, placing my hands on his neck and slowly raising my hips to his.  He kissed me again and slowly began pushing into me.  I made some kind of noise that didn't sound remotely similar to human and he stopped, his entire body stilling.

"Don't," I begged, wrapping my legs around his waist.

My breath caught as he went in a little deeper and I moaned softly, digging my nails into the back of his neck.  He moaned against my mouth and thrust all the way into me.  I threw my head back, the sensation of being completely full and pretty damn whole for the very first time overwhelming and more than welcome.

"Bella," he whimpered, his forehead falling to my heaving chest.

I shifted my hips against his, every one of my nerve endings alive, sparking and shouting from the damn rooftops that this was everything.  This was life, this was living, this was being and everything in between that I'd never wanted to find before.

I lowered my hips and he met me halfway when I shifted up again; tingling, sparks and my entire body was just completely alive.  He buried his nose in my neck, his breathing labored as he found our rhythm.

"Oh my God," I moaned, moving my hands from his neck to slap them on the mattress.

We moved slowly, our moans, pants and whimpers bouncing off the walls of his bedroom.  His breath was hot against my neck and when he slid his hands up the mattress to find mine, I squeezed them as tightly as I could.  We had the most amazing connection I'd ever felt, but I wanted more.  I didn't want to let him go and I never wanted him further from me than he had to be.

"Bella," he groaned out, his hips moving faster against mine.

I turned my head, seeking out his lips as I matched the movements of his hips with mine.  He pulled away from me, panting and squeezing my hands tightly.  A knot formed in the pit of my stomach and I cried out, twisting my hips against his as the tension released and I tightened my legs around his hips.  My mind filled with Edward and I opened my eyes in enough time to see him throw his head back, his mouth falling open as his body stilled above me.  I kept moving my hips against his until he let go of my hands and fell forward on his elbows.  His head rolled forward, his ear resting against my cheek as he slowly slid his hands underneath me and kept me close to him as he rolled onto his side.  I lazily wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my legs still wrapped around his hips as I buried my nose into his chest.  He placed one of his hands on the back of my head and pressed his lips to my neck as he shifted and pulled out of me.

"Mm," I mumbled in disagreement, tightening my hold on his shoulders.

He laughed, his voice husky as he shifted away from me slightly.  I moved my legs from around him, kissing his collarbone once before I rolled away from him and stretched, curling my fingers a few times before flattening them against the solid headboard behind me.  A few of my muscles protested at the movement and I smiled in satisfaction about it.  I might be walking funny tomorrow, but it was most definitely more than worth it.

"Do that a few more times," he mumbled, rolling over to me a few seconds later and burying his face in my neck, "and we won't be making it out of this bed in time to meet everyone tomorrow."

I shivered, smiling sleepily as I pulled my arms down and placed one on his cheek.

"You okay?" he whispered, his voice once again laced with concern.

He shifted next to me and I looked over at him as he propped his head up with his elbow, placing his other hand on my stomach.

"I'm feeling pretty damn good," I grinned, grabbing his hand in mine and tangling our fingers together.  "You?"

He grinned and leaned down to kiss me, curling his fingers tightly over mine.

"Feeling pretty damn good, too," he whispered, throwing one of his legs over mine and pulling me in even closer to him.  "Tired, but really, really…"  He sighed and kissed my forehead.  "Really, really happy."

I bit my bottom lip to keep from grinning like the idiot I was sure I really was and burrowed into him, nuzzling my nose into his chest.

"Me too," I whispered, squeezing his hand and yawning.

We laid there until I was almost asleep; Edward nudged me and said that we needed to get underneath the covers and I might've mumbled something in response before I obliged and crawled into warmth.  He had me pulled up against him almost as soon as he was situated and I smiled, curling up against him and doing my best to tell myself that I needed to remember this feeling for the rest of my life.

I never wanted to lose this feeling because I never remembered feeling this way before.  And I didn't ever want it to end.

~*~

I was in the deserted hallways of my high school, the lights off and every single classroom empty when I checked in to it.  My voice wasn't working; every time I tried to say something or call out to see if anyone was around, nothing ever came out of my mouth.  I wasn't scared; just annoyed.

I'd graduated high school already.  Why the hell was I back here when no one else was?  How did I even get here?  I don't remember driving my car or riding with anyone.  And what the hell had happened to my voice?  It was perfectly fine a few minutes ago.

I looked down to see that I was wearing an old sweatshirt that I'd bought a long time ago.  It was ten times bigger than I was, hanging almost to my knees.  Why was I wearing this?  I hadn't worn this sweatshirt in years.  In fact, I don't even think that I owned it anymore.  I thought mom sold it in a garage sale a few years ago…

I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing and turning in a slow circle.  The boring brown lockers loomed over me and the dismal light shining in through the very few windows at the end of each hallway illuminated small spots on the floor.

Huffing again, I walked to the end of the hallway and slid down the wall once I reached it, crossing my arms on my knees and staring at the other end.

I don't know how long I sat there until I heard footsteps on the stairs and I scrambled to my feet, hooking my thumbs into my faded jean pockets and waiting anxiously for whoever it was to show themselves.  A familiar blonde head of hair popped up over the iron railing and my breath whooshed out of my lungs as his shining blue eyes met mine.

He stopped at the top of the stairs, a bright smile on his face as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Mike," I whimpered.

I fell to my knees, my hands falling limply to my sides on the faded and worn brown linoleum on the floor beneath me.

"Hi, baby girl."

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