Twenty

*Bella*

I turned onto my back, staring up at the ceiling and tapping my fingertips against my stomach.  It was nearing two in the morning and Edward would be here around seven to pick me up for work.  Jake had left around midnight and I hadn't been able to get to sleep, thinking over everything and analyzing every word he'd said like I was a crazy person.

Oh.  That's right.  I was a fucking crazy person.

He didn't like being left out of the loop.  He didn't like that I'd gotten a life outside of him and hadn't bothered to call to let him know that he didn't need to take full responsibility of my ass anymore.  He didn't like that he didn't know him and had never heard me mention him before he'd introduced himself.

"How much do you really know about him, Bella?  What can you possibly be thinking, rushing into a relationship like this?"

"Rushing?  You think three years for a new relationship and six for it to actually mean something is rushing?"

"I think when you obviously need some help, it's rushing, yes!"

"I'll be getting the help I need!"

"Oh yeah?  When?"

"I'm calling tomorrow!  And he offered to go with me, unlike you!"

Jake hadn't appreciated that too much, but it was the truth.  He was always telling me that I needed the help, but had never once offered to go with me to get it.  Maybe it was a bit of a low blow, but it felt really good to get everything off my chest.  He'd finally, grudgingly, admitted that Jean was out of line ninety-nine percent of the time and I agreed that I needed to stop calling him for every little thing.

Which I had already stopped doing anyway, but it was apparently something that he'd needed to hear.  Probably something that he needed to run back to Jean with so that she could be absolutely sure that I wouldn't be interrupting their sex lives any longer.  He'd promised me that he'd make her calm down when I was around them and I'd nodded, smiling tightly because fuck knows I didn't believe him.  She was probably overjoyed at the fact that I hadn't been in contact with him and he'd have hell to pay when he made it home.

I sighed and rolled onto my side, flinging my arm out onto the empty spot beside me and pouting at the wall.  My eyes trailed to one of the framed pictures of Mike sitting on my nightstand and I sighed again, shaking my head before turning onto my back and staring up at the ceiling once more.

I had missed Jake, but it had seemed like a natural feeling since he'd started dating Jean so I hadn't really given it too much more thought than I usually did.  I had Edward to spend my time with lately, Edward to distract me and keep me occupied in the best way possible so that I didn't dwell on it but when I saw Jake sitting on my front step, it was like my heart had jumped out of my chest.  I'd missed him more than I'd let myself realize and even when we were in the middle of a semi-argument, at least he was there.

Now that everything was out in the air and we were back on friendly terms – at least, I think we were back to that – I just couldn't sleep.  Something was off; missing almost and I couldn't shut my mind off.  It was too quiet, too still.  There wasn't enough noise, not enough little movements like I normally would've reveled in.  Now the stillness and the almost emptiness that was ricocheting around the apartment walls was almost too much to deal with.

At three, I threw the covers off and slammed my feet on the floor, giving up on sleep and padding my way into the kitchen.  I flipped on the lights and hissed, squinting as I made my way over to my coffee maker and yanked open the top.  I made myself coffee and walked into the living room, reaching under the lampshade and flicking on that light before I sat on the couch and stared at the blank television.

I was tired, bored and driving myself insane.  Yes, Jake and I were back to being friends, but we both knew that it wouldn't be the same.  Any and all respect we had for each other had plummeted in the time we hadn't spoken and my trust issues had flared up in full force again.  It was going to take a lot to get it back to where it used to be and he knew that, but I hated it.  I hated that I felt that way towards who was supposed to be my best friend.  I hated that we'd been reduced to this because of the way I was.

I sipped off my coffee and ran a hand through my hair, biting my bottom lip and looking over at the end table on the opposite side of the room.  I hadn't opened it for more than the need of a notebook in the past few years and why I was thinking about doing it again, I wasn't entirely sure.

I groaned quietly and stood up, setting my coffee mug on the floor before slowly inching towards the carved end table that matched the living room set in my mother's house.  She'd insisted that I take it with me when I moved out because I had all of my shit in there anyway.  She didn't mind not having matching end tables anymore; she barely used them as it was so I hadn't felt too horrible about stealing it from the living room and moving it into mine.

I finally reached it and plopped down on the floor in front of it, bringing my pointer finger up to my mouth and absently gnawing on my fingernail as I stared at the gold handles.  My eyes irrationally flicked from them to the front door, almost afraid that someone would actually walk in and catch me.  Not that I was doing anything wrong to begin with and it wouldn't matter if someone did…

"Fuck, Bella," I moaned, resting my elbows on my knees and covering my face.  I shook my head and took a deep breath.  "It's just an end table."

I looked up slightly, peeking through pieces of my hair as I stared at the gold handles again.

"An end table that has almost everything you've written since high school," I continued, mumbling.  "An end table that's like a fucking time capsule; Pandora's Box or some shit."

I slapped my hands over my face again, shaking my head.

"If Edward could hear you now, you'd be in a fucking mental institution before you could even fucking blink, you damn loon.  Talking yourself out of opening a fucking end table like it was the end of the fucking world."

Taking a deep breath, I kept my head down as I reached one hand out and quickly yanked on one of the gold handles.  I slowly looked up, huffing out a breath as I saw the unused stacked notebooks in the front, binders that I knew were full of pages and pages of my handwriting hiding in the back corners and a basket full of pens that probably had no ink left in them sitting in the middle of it all.

I slowly hooked my pointer finger on the edge of the basket, pulling it out and looking down in it.  At least a hundred blue Bic pens greeted me and I smirked slightly, shaking my head before I grabbed a handful and slapped them on the floor next to me.  I shoved the basket back inside and slapped my hand on the first notebook in the pile, pulling it out and wrapping my hand around the spiral-wire binding.  The cover was striped blue and brown and the little label in the corner proudly declared that the pages were college ruled – as I preferred that they be.

I grabbed the pens and slid the notebook into my lap before slamming the door shut and standing up.  I clutched the notebook to my chest, holding on tightly to the pens as I walked back to the couch and folded one leg underneath me as I sat down.  I dropped all but one pen to the floor and started chewing on my bottom lip as I slowly pushed back the cover on the notebook.

I'd done this all the time in high school.  When I had something on my mind and couldn't sleep or just couldn't seem to function without snapping at someone, I'd write.  It didn't matter what it turned out to be; as long as I got most of my issues down on paper, I was good to go for the rest of the day.  I don't know why I stopped doing it, to be perfectly honest, because it had always helped me get all of my emotions and frustrations out.

Taking a deep breath, I uncapped the pen and wrote the date in the right hand corner before staring at the faint blue lines on the page, only mildly surprised that the pen did in fact still work.

"Where to start," I mumbled, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

I tapped my fingertips against my forehead, pursing my lips before taking one more deep breath and placing the end of the pen on page.

He's my best friend and I feel like I don't even know him anymore.

I stared at the words, tapping the end of the pen against the page and licking my lips before nodding once and continuing.

~*~

I jumped when I heard my alarm clock blaring in my bedroom, blinking rapidly down at the completely full page in my lap.  I flipped backwards, counting out nine full pages of my babble and shook my head, setting the notebook and pen off to the side before standing up.  I stretched briefly, grabbed my coffee mug from the floor and walked into my bedroom.  I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock and sighed, reaching up to run a hand through my hair.

I hadn't slept and would be sorely paying for that later on today, but I'd actually written something.  I didn't know if any of it made any sense or if I could use it for anything – a thought that made me falter a little when I took a step because I hadn't had those thoughts since Mike passed – but regardless, at least I'd written something.

I felt better.  Not a hundred percent – I wasn't sure that I'd ever be that good again – but I felt almost lighter.  Like an entire world's worth of worry and tension had melted and disappeared from my shoulders.  I rolled my shoulders before I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen.  I dumped the cold coffee down the sink and set the mug on the counter before walking into the bathroom.

I showered and got ready for the day, smiling and humming to myself when I realized that I'd get to see Edward in a little while.  I'd been so preoccupied with Jake and then getting lost in my writing that it hadn't hit me how much I'd actually missed him just being there until I'd gotten out of the shower.

I grabbed two to-go mugs and made the both of us coffee, setting them on the counter before walking into the living room and grabbing the notebook.  I flipped it closed and stuck the pen in the spiral binding, twisting my lips to the side before hugging it to my chest and setting it on the back of the couch.

I was just slipping my shoes on when I heard a knock on the door and wasn't able to hide the smile on my face.  I quickly pulled my shoes the rest of the way on and practically lunged for the door, hastily unlocking it and pulling it open.  He was standing there, his hands in his pockets and sunglasses perched on his nose, his lips twitching into a smirk when he saw me.

"Morning," he mumbled, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Morning," I replied, nodding at him.  "I have coffee for you."

He grinned quickly and pulled his hands out of his pockets.  I moved out of the way and he made his way in, his arms immediately around my waist as the door closed behind him.  I laughed and reached up to move his sunglasses into his hair before stepping up to kiss him quickly.  He hummed and pulled me closer, kissing me again.

"How was your night?" he asked softly as he backed away, his hands rubbing circles on my back.

I shrugged one shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I haven't slept yet."

He frowned at me.

"How come?"

"Too much going on in my head."  I shrugged again.  "I'll be all right as long as I keep drinking coffee."

"Don't you want to call in and get some sleep?"

"I'm up now."  I shook my head.  "I'll be fine."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"For what?" I laughed, shaking my head.

"I don't know," he grumbled, shrugging one shoulder and pouting slightly.  "I could've… come over and… sang you to sleep.  Or something."

I laughed and stepped up to kiss him again, tightening my arms around his neck.

"It's okay," I said quietly as I stepped down from him.  "I… uh, I wrote."

He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Really now?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip.

"And you can read it… I mean, if you want to."

I wasn't sure when I decided that I wanted him to read it.  I wasn't sure when I realized that he was the only one I wanted to read it but there it was.  And since he looked like I'd just offered him six million dollars, taking it back was clearly out of the question.

"I want to," he said quickly, nodding and smiling.  "Yes."

"Then I guess… at lunch?  I mean, that's… you have time, right?"

"I always have time for you, Bella."  He leaned down and brushed his nose against mine, kissing me again.  "I want to read everything that you want to show me."

"'Kay," I managed, nodding.

"How'd things go with Jake?"

I sighed heavily and shrugged, moving closer to him and nuzzling my face into his jacket.

"All right, I guess.  It's not the same," I grumbled.  "The balance has been shifted and he's just… I'm… we're all sorts of screwed up."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his hands rubbing my back again.

"Yeah, well… I've got you so…"  I took a step back from him and swallowed hard, trying to smile a little.  "…it's not all that bad."

He smirked and pulled me back to him, his lips once again on mine.  I leaned into him, opening my mouth when his tongue traced my top lip.

"I missed you last night," he whispered, backing away from me.  "Felt weird without you."

I nodded, nudging my nose against his and barely brushing my lips over his.

"Yeah."

"Stay tonight?"

I smiled and nodded, placing a light kiss on his bottom lip before stepping back from him.  He groaned and huffed, reaching up and tipping his sunglasses back onto his nose.  I laughed at him and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the mugs and walking back to him.  The pout was gone when I handed him the mug and I laughed, shaking my head as I snatched the notebook, my purse and keys and nodded towards the door.

"Still have to come back here tonight.  I really need to get my car out of the parking lot."

"We can just stay here, if you want.  If it'd be easier," he suggested, pulling the door open and stepping to the side for me.

"No," I said quietly, shaking my head and sighing heavily when I realized that I'd need to put my coat on.  "We can stay at yours."

I turned around with every intention of setting all my crap down when I watched Edward balance the to-go mug in the crook of his arm and grab my coat, draping it around my shoulders before I could drop anything.

"If you're sure," he said easily, quickly kissing my cheek before grabbing the to-go mug and standing by the open door again.

I smirked at him and nodded, walking out of the apartment and down to his car.  I heard the door slam and his hasty footsteps on the walkway behind me, bypassing me to open the car door and grin at me as he motioned with the to-go cup to the seat.  I laughed at him and shook my head, gently nudging him with my elbow as I made it to him and plopped in the seat, attempting to contain the grin on my face as he closed the door and walked around to his side.

I may not have slept and had spent most of the night writing down every little thought and emotion I'd been going through for I don't know how long, but seeing him on my front step first thing this morning had kind of made it all worth it.  I felt better with him around; was starting to feel more like how I barely remembered myself to be and if being with him and seeing him made that happen, then I never wanted any of that to change.

~*~

By the time lunch had finally rolled around, I'd had at least six cups of coffee.  They weren't normal sized mugs, either.  I'd refilled my to-go mug at least three times and had found this amazingly large coffee mug shoved into the back corner that may have once upon a time belonged to the doctor we had before Edward showed up.

The one Tanya ran off with her stalking and creepy scrubs and even creepier-but-supposed-to-look-sexy smiles that she shot at him all the damn time.

I was thankful that he'd taken off in such a rush because this gorgeous cup with the countryside of some foreign country painted all around it had fueled my caffeine need for the day.  Alice and Angela had taken a great interest in the fact that I laughed every time the damn printer jammed – which it had done at least twenty times within the first hour alone – and had tried to figure out what else would make me giggle uncontrollably.  So far, paperclips amused the fuck out of me, especially when Alice twisted them into some form of perverted naughtiness that only she could consider a talent.  Along with paperclips, I found that Post-Its were really useful when it was too hard to talk through laughter and that binder clips hurt when you kept them on your lips for more than five seconds.

A small part of my brain was very thankful that all of our patients were used to the joking atmosphere that we had developed in the office and hadn't hidden their children from me when they checked in.

Edward had walked in at one point when I was bent over in my chair, laughing hysterically at the way Alice pronounced office and had quickly turned around to leave once more.  Carlisle had offered me a sick day and when I refused to take it, he'd offered me a patient room so that I could take a short nap to recharge.  I refused that, too, and told him so on a bright pink Post-It.

I was damn lucky that he loved me or I probably would've been fired for this insane one-woman comedy act on the spot.

Tanya hadn't said more than a few words to me, but her Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny scrubs were possibly better than paperclips, Post-Its, printer jams and binder clips all rolled together.  She, naturally, didn't find any of it amusing and that only made me laugh harder.  I'd tried apologizing, but I couldn't get the words out without laughing and she'd finally just stopped coming in to the front office for more than a minute.

I hummed as I walked down to Edward's office, my notebook and another mug full of coffee in my hands as I approached.  I tapped my knuckles against his door, watching through the glass as he shifted in his chair and called me in.  I somehow managed to get the door open without spilling or dropping anything and walked in, grinning at him as I kicked the door closed.

"How are you doing?" he asked, chuckling at me.

"Who are you, Joey?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know… from Friends?" I asked, setting everything on his desk before walking around it.  "You know… how you doin'?"

He turned his chair to face me, his lips twitching as he nodded and cleared his throat.

"Yes, dear, I know."

"Oh, you're using that tone," I stated, pointing a finger at him and pouting.  "That I-think-you've-lost-your-mind-and-will-do-anything-to-humor-you tone.  And dear!  You've never called me dear before.  I don't think that I like it too much."

"All right," he stated, nodding and licking his lips.  "Dear is out."

"Are you trying to think of things to call me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and placing my hands on my hips.

"Oh, there are a lot of things that I could call you running through my mind right now," he laughed, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands on his thighs.

"Like what?"

"Oh, no.  I'm not going down that road."

My stomach dropped a little and I twisted my lips to the side, dropping my arms and looking down at his lap.

"Are they bad?  Am I annoying you?  Do you want me to go?"

He grabbed my hand, staying completely silent as he pulled me towards him.  I reluctantly let him pull me in between his legs and fell ungracefully into his lap when he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me down.

"Sweetheart," he whispered, his lips suddenly on my neck.  "Honey."  He kissed the edge of my jaw.  "Baby."  He nipped the bottom of my ear and I closed my eyes.  "Beautiful."  He untangled his other hand from mine, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against his chest.  "Love."

I shivered and he squeezed me tightly, kissing my neck again.

"Oh," I breathed.  "So… I'll take that as a no?"

He laughed and nodded, placing one more kiss against my neck before I felt him leaning over me.  I opened my eyes and he grinned at me, squeezing me again.

"Right."

I relaxed and toed off my shoes before curling up in his lap and resting one hand on his chest.

"Which one did you decide on?"

"For what?"

I sighed dramatically and leaned back a little, pursing my lips at him.  His eyes widened briefly before he started laughing.

"I'm partial to the last one," he said easily, reaching up with one hand to push hair off my forehead.

"Hm," I mumbled, leaning back into his chest and biting my bottom lip.

"Yeah.  Hm," he mumbled back, his hand running through my hair.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on the way his hand felt as it glided through my hair, barely suppressing a yawn and burying my nose in his chest.

"So do I get to read that notebook or are you going to make me stare at it for the rest of lunch?"

"Oh!" I mumbled, shaking my head and blinking.  "Right."

"Why don't you go lay down for a while?" he asked softly, leaning in to me and kissing my temple.  "I'll wake you up when lunch is over."

"I'm fine," I yawned, placing my feet back on the floor and reaching across the desk to grab the notebook and my coffee mug.  "A little more coffee and I'll be good for the rest of the day."

"All right, well… did you wanna call the therapist and set up an appointment while you have a minute?"

"Probably not a bad idea, huh?" I yawned again, handing him the notebook.  "You sure you don't mind going with me?"

"I need that sign," he mumbled into my ear, already flipping open the cover on the notebook.

It was as if my entire body froze up as I watched his eyes scan over the words on the page and I stopped breathing.  I'd wanted him to read it this morning; in theory, it sounded really good.  He was one of the closest people in my life now.  One of the very few that knew I even wrote anything to begin with so it made sense that he should read what had come about in the early morning hours.  It would show him that I trusted him and it would show him what I couldn't always say to him.

Now I wanted to burn every single page so that no one had to see it.  It was pointless and pathetic and it made absolutely no sense.  He wouldn't be able to follow my edit marks and arrows and he'd just get confused and tell me that it sucked.  It wasn't good enough for him to read it and why I thought that it might be was beyond reason.  He was just going to laugh at me and realize that he was dating a complete idiot.

"You don't have to read it!" I blurted out, swallowing hard.

He slowly looked over at me, one of his eyebrows quirked up.

"I mean… if you don't want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to.  You know?"

"Didn't we go over this already?"

"I just… I don't want you feel like you have to just because you're dating me."

He snapped the cover shut and leaned back in the chair, his hands on my waist and his eyebrow still up in the middle of his forehead.  It was amazing how high he could get that thing to go.

"Bella…"

I whimpered and leaned forward, burying my face in his chest and placing my hands flat on his stomach.

"Do you want me to read it?" he asked softly, wrapping his arms around me and running his hands up and down my back.

"You're gonna hate it."

"I highly doubt that."

"It doesn't make any sense!"

"So what?  It may not make sense now, but maybe if you start writing a little more, you might be able to build off of it."

"I'm just… ugh, this is hard."

He chuckled and I felt his lips on the top of my head.

"It's all up to you, Bella.  I'm not pushing."  He placed his hands flat on my back.  "I will tell you that I really do want to read it, though."

I sucked in a deep breath and pulled back from him, keeping my hands flat on his stomach as I nodded once.

"I'm going to go call the therapist's office and then I'll get us lunch," I decided, nodding again.  "You can… read."  I waved my hand at the notebook sitting on the very edge of his desk and briefly squeezed my eyes shut as if that would make it disappear somehow.  "What did you want?"

"I want you to relax," he laughed, reaching up to grab my shoulders and shake me a little.  "And also to maybe get some damn sleep."

"I can work on the relaxing part," I stated, pursing my lips at him.  "The sleeping part will come much later.  What do you want for lunch?"

"Whatever you're getting."

"Okay."

I climbed off his lap, sliding my shoes back on and yawning again as I took a step away from him.  I felt his fingers circle my wrist and looked back at him.

"Forget something?" he asked.

I looked down, searching the ground to see if maybe I'd managed to drop something before looking back up at him and shaking my head.

"No?"

He laughed and stood up, pulling me against him and kissing me softly.

"I think you did," he mumbled, nodding.

"Oh, right," I grinned, kissing him again.

"That's what I thought."

I laughed and slapped at his chest, shaking my head as I stepped back from him.

"I'll be back soon."

"Good."

He plopped back into the seat and placed the notebook in the center of his desk, rolling his chair closer and propping his elbows on the blotter, watching me carefully.  I smiled nervously and swallowed hard before walking out of his office.  I blew out a deep breath when his door clicked shut and started towards the front office, chewing on my bottom lip.

The entire office was deserted; Edward and I being the only two that had hung back while the rest of them had gone off to Jared's like they usually did for lunch.

I walked into the front and grabbed my purse from underneath my desk, slinging it over my shoulder before walking into the lobby and grabbing my coat.  I made my way out of the building and across the street, stepping into the warmth of the restaurant and walking up to the front counter.  I leaned my hands against it, looking around to see that Embry was waiting on the table full of my co-workers.

I made my way over to them, dropping my hands onto Carlisle's shoulders and grinning broadly when he jumped and his words faltered while he was giving his order.  He composed himself, turning to narrow an eye at me before finishing his order.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, turning completely in his seat as Embry made his way around the table.

"I'm getting lunch for me and Edward.  He's… reading and I need to call the… place, anyway."

He nodded, reaching up and briefly cupping my cheek in his hand before he dropped it back to his lap.

"Proud of you," he said quietly, smiling softly.

I smirked at him and nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

"I'm getting there."

"That's all I'd ever want from you.  I know you said that you had it, but if you don't, the number is in the Rolodex on my desk."  He sat up a little and fished out his wallet from his back pocket, pulling out two twenties and handing them to me.  "Lunch is on me."

"Carlisle, no…"

"Don't argue!" Alice exclaimed, her chin resting in her hand and a bright smile on her face.  "It's not often he actually pays for someone else!"

"That's a lie and you know it!" Carlisle exclaimed, turning in his seat and pointing at her.  "I bought yours last week!"

"That doesn't count."

"Of course it doesn't."

"She's just greedy.  We all know this," Angela said easily, handing Embry her menu and grinning at us.

"I think you're all crazy," Tanya sighed, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair.

I looked over at her and snorted, her scrubs immediately catching my eye.

"You really need to lighten up," Alice told her, raising an eyebrow.  "It wouldn't kill you to enjoy our company."

"Oh, it might."

"Enough, girls."  Carlisle shot me a look and I shrugged, laughing nervously before leaning down and kissing his cheek.  "You're lucky I love you," he grumbled into my ear.

"I'm very much aware of that.  See you all in a few."

I ordered the food and got it to go, clutching onto the paper bag with one hand and waving at my co-workers with the other as I walked out of the restaurant and outside into the cold weather.  I grabbed my cell phone from my purse and sucked in a deep breath, searching for the number I'd stored there a little over a month ago.  Finding it and chewing on my bottom lip, I held it up to my ear and walked to the edge of the sidewalk, looking up and down the street before I crossed and started back up to the office.

"Thank you for calling Aro, how can we help you?"

I cleared my throat, pacing around in front of the main entrance.

"I'd like to make an appointment."

"All right then.  Your name, sweetie?"

I cringed and my eye twitched.  I had this thing with strangers calling me endearments as if they've known me for my entire life as opposed to five fucking seconds.  It annoyed the shit out of me.

I swallowed the immediate distaste and gave her all of my information, garnering an appointment for this coming Thursday night at five-thirty.  I thanked her and hung up, puffing my cheeks and blowing out a deep breath before stuffing the phone back in my purse and walking inside.  I shed my coat and hung it back up, deposited my purse on my part of the counter in the front office and slowly made my way back to Edward's office.  The door was open and the notebook closed in front of him, his elbows propped up on the desk and his chin resting on his fists.  His eyes were closed until I gently knocked on the doorjamb and then they immediately snapped open to meet mine.

"Food," I managed weakly, holding up the bag.

"I need more," he said simply.

"More food?  I asked you what you wanted, Edward, and you haven't even looked at what I got you in the first place."

"No," he laughed, shaking his head and standing up.  He rounded the desk and walked over to me, taking the bag and setting it on the floor next to us.  "I need more of what you wrote."

"Really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  "None of it makes any sense and I don't know how you…"

"It made perfect sense to me and I'm telling you, Bella, I need to read more of it.  You have to write more."  He placed his hands on my cheeks and leaned down to rest his forehead on mine.  "You have a natural talent and you can't let it go to waste."

"It was just… I was only… it doesn't fit with…"

He laughed and before I could attempt to make sense out of anything else, his mouth was covering mine.  I melted in to him, anchoring my hands on his waist as I leaned closer to him and quickly swept my tongue against his bottom lip.

"Accept my compliment, Bella," he whispered between kisses, his hands sliding back to thread through my hair.  "Accept that I'm pretty much going to adore anything you write from here on out and we can just keep doing this for the rest of lunch."

I hummed and stepped up on my toes, forcing my lips against his again and reaching in between us to wrap my arms around his neck.  He dropped his hands from my hair and I barely noticed when he reached over to slam the door shut.  His arms circled my waist and kept me tight against him, his lips lazily moving over mine.

"Kay," I mumbled.

He laughed and pulled back slightly, his forehead back on mine.

"I called Emmett."

"I thought you said we were going to be otherwise occupied for the rest of lunch?" I pouted, my eyes still closed.  He laughed and I felt him shrug.  I sighed heavily and opened my eyes into slits.  "Why did you call Emmett?"

"Because you are coming home with me and you are going to get some damn sleep."

"I am fine!"

"You are exhausted," he laughed.  "I can pick out a bike any other day of the week."

"No, you can't."  I shook my head and popped my lips.  "Thursday night at five-thirty, we have plans."

"All right, well, that still leaves tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday.  Please just get some sleep tonight, Bella."

"As long as you stay with me," I sang, moving my forehead from his to bury my face in his throat.

"Of course I'm staying with you.  I could barely sleep without you last night as it was," he whispered, his lips right by my ear.

"You slept more than I did."

"That's a given."

I snorted into his throat and tightened my arms around his neck, humming happily.

"You make me happy, Edward," I mumbled.

I felt his arms tighten around my waist and yawned, nuzzling my nose into his chest and silently demanding that I not fall asleep.  It didn't matter that I was standing upright; I was comfortable and content in his arms.

"Maybe we should eat, huh?" he asked, his voice a little husky.

My eyebrows furrowed a little at the sound, but I yawned again and nodded, tilting my head up enough to press a small kiss into the hollow of his throat before stepping out of his arms.  I raised my hands above my head, standing on my toes as I stretched.  I watched as he grabbed the bag and walked back to his desk, pulling out the containers and setting them in front of the chairs.  I tilted my head to the side and smiled slightly, shaking my head as I walked over to one of the chairs and plopped down in it.

Despite not sleeping and making a fool out of myself because of it, I felt accomplished in a way.  I'd written something that had obviously impressed Edward, I'd made an appointment with a therapist that I fully intended on keeping because of Edward and I just felt… happy.  And I refused to wonder when it would be taken from me because both thoughts had the ability to cripple me.  For now, I was just going to enjoy what I felt while I was in the moment because it was all I had.

It was good enough for now.



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