Pieces

Welcome!

2009-08-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

And we have the second home for Pieces. :)

Slight warning if you are just joining us... you are going to be highly annoyed with the Bella I've written for a good portion of this story. It's full of angst, self-loathing, massive insecurities and pity-parties up the ass. So, if that's really not your cup of tea per se, then this is my warning to you.

On the other hand, if you are, well then, by all means... please...

Enjoy!

<3

~Crimson

Five

2009-08-09T11:47:00.001-07:00

*Edward*

I pulled into the parking lot of the office the next morning, setting my lips in a straight line as I saw Bella leaning against the trunk of her car with her eyes staring down at her feet and a coffee cup in her hands.

I hadn't been sure what to say to her after the whole coffee shop incident and had honestly been dreading having to go into work. I'd even given some serious thought into calling out and giving myself an entire day to myself before I had to face the crazy mess that had been Bella Swan yesterday afternoon.

But I figured that Carlisle probably wouldn't appreciate having me call out on my fourth day of work so I'd sucked it up, gotten ready for work and had been giving myself a pep talk on any way possible to get out of this impromptu dinner she'd suggested yesterday before everything had gone to hell.

I liked hanging out with the Bella that had saved me from Tanya and yelled at her printer; not the Bella that had frozen me out upon the mention of what I thought was clearly an engagement question.

It made sense, damn it. Just because she didn't have a ring on her finger didn't mean a damn thing. Maybe they couldn't afford it or she had some kind of feminist, fiercely independent side to her that meant she didn't want a ring unless it was a wedding ring.

I hadn't expected the slight pang of jealousy and disappointment that had surged through my stomach, but I hadn't expected her to get all frigid and dash off into the bathroom, either.

I didn't want the drama.

Fuck if I didn't still want to know what had happened to her, though. There had to be something obviously going on to get that kind of a reaction from her after a seemingly innocent, simple question.

Sighing heavily, I pulled into a parking spot and hastily shoved the car into park before running my hands through my hair, grabbing my keys and briefcase and shoving my way out of the car.

I looked over at her and saw that she was biting her bottom lip as she looked in my direction, one of her feet digging into the pavement below her as she stepped away from her car and waited for me.

Sighing heavily and fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the both of us, I squared my shoulders and stopped in front of her.

I must enjoy this kind of torture to keep going back for more. She'd give me a glimpse of her issues, run away from me and then expect everything to be okay again if she just bought me a cup of coffee.

I wish I knew why the fuck it mattered to me to know all about this so damn much.

She stuck her hand out, holding the coffee out to me and still gnawing on her bottom lip as she stared at my chin.

"I want to," she started, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets once I cautiously took the cup from her and shaking her head slightly, "I want to apologize for yesterday."

"You don't…"

"My father left us when I was three and Emmett was one," she blurted out quickly, her eyes immediately back on the ground. "He said that he didn't want to be a father anymore and left it all on my mom's shoulders. He doesn't remember Emmett's birthday and he only shows up when we do something that makes him look good. Neither of us wants much to do with him. I've been saving up the money to change my last name and soon enough, I'll be able to." She huffed out a deep breath and I stood incredibly still, gaping at the top of her head. "It was an overreaction on my part last night and… I'm sorry."

I continued to gape at the top of her head, slowly shaking my head side to side and trying to get my tongue to cooperate with me so that I could actually respond to her.

Of all the things that she could've said to me, that was not one of the things that I'd ever been expecting to hear.

Once again, I felt like an ass for even thinking any of those things about her. She had a damn good reason for shutting me out last night and I had no right to think anything of what I had been.

She finally looked up at me when I failed to say anything and I saw her face twist and watched her cringe, shaking her hands out of her pockets and wrapping her arms around her chest protectively.

"So… I'm sorry. I'll… uhm… I'll see you inside."

She shook her head and turned on her heel, mumbling to herself as she started to walk to the door.

"Bella," I blurted out, quickly catching up to her and stepping into stride with her. "It's okay."

"You don't need to be nice to me anymore," she grumbled. "I get it."

"But I want to be nice to you."

"Why?" she sighed, abruptly coming to a stop and reaching up to rub her fingertips on her forehead. "I'm not worth your time, Edward."

"Don't you think that's something I need to decide?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I'm nothing like you think I am."

"I like that."

"What?"

"Why would I want to talk to someone who is the exact same as anyone else in the entire world? It gets boring hearing the same shit out of people's mouths all the time, Bella and you've been one of the few that I've met in the past few days that have kept my interest."

"There are at least three other people in that office that you could talk to if you really wanted to," she stated quietly, pointing over her shoulder.

"Well, I don't want to," I said stubbornly, jutting my chin out and looking down at her. "I like going to get coffee with you."

She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest again, shaking her head.

"When I don't freak out over easy questions, right?"

"Everyone has a past, Bella," I said quietly, shifting on my feet and tapping my fingertips against the cup.

"Even you?"

I nodded, sighing quietly and lifting the cup to my lips. This time, I was the one avoiding her eyes.

"Even me."

"Still even," she said quietly.

I merely nodded and sipped off the coffee again, clenching my teeth together as I looked back down at her.

"Did you… uhm." She cleared her throat and tapped her toes on the pavement. "Did you still want to do dinner tonight?"

"If you want to," I said quietly, nodding.

"If you want to."

I smirked and rolled my eyes, taking a chance and turning slightly to nudge my elbow against hers.

"You buying?"

I almost fell over in shock when she elbowed me gently in the ribs, but managed to not trip over my own two feet as we began walking towards the door again.

"As long as you spring for tomorrow's dinner then yeah, I'll buy tonight."

Tomorrow? She was making plans with me for tomorrow after work?

I felt like scratching my head, turning to stare at her and asking her what the fuck happened to the jumpy, scared girl that I'd met on my first day here and had been trying to crack since she'd first saved me from Tanya.

Because this girl – the one who was actually freely having a little physical contact with me and making plans for tomorrow – was nothing like her.

"Or… you know, if you have plans…" she mumbled.

Ah, there she was.

"No, that's fine. Tomorrow, I'll buy dinner."

We reached the door and I quickly balanced my coffee cup and briefcase in the same hand, pulling it open for her and watching as she looked up at me, smiled, and walked in ahead of me.

I blinked at her back as she shrugged out of her coat, slowly walking in behind her and setting my briefcase and coffee cup on the floor at my feet to do the same.

Now I was just back to being really fucking confused. If I thought I was the moody one before, I had nothing on Bella.

"Good morning, guys!" Alice chirped from her perch behind the front desk when the door slammed shut behind me.

"Morning, Alice!" Bella chirped back, hanging up her coat and shouldering her purse before walking through the door.

I openly stared at her as she appeared behind the desk, slowly hanging up my coat before bending down to grab my briefcase and coffee.

"Morning, Alice," I finally managed, shaking my head to clear it a little.

Alice shrugged at me and smiled. I huffed quietly and made my way through the side door, walking down the hallway and into the supply room. I set my briefcase down before walking back out, nearly colliding with Carlisle.

"Edward!" he exclaimed brightly, shoving a basket of what I assumed were more oatmeal raisin cookies into my hands. "They're going to be moving the rest of the furniture into your office later today."

"Great. Thanks," I smiled, eyeing the basket. "Your wife really didn't have to do this."

"She wanted to. Now, I don't know if the girls have told you yet, but we have an office Christmas party every year at the house on Christmas Eve. I hope you'll come." He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows. "Unless you're going back to Chicago for the holidays, of course."

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I'll be here."

"Well, okay then!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Alice will give you all the specifics. She goes all out on this."

"Alice does? At your house?"

I think I missed some very important information along the way. Why in God's name would Alice – the girl that worked for him – put together an entire Christmas party at his house?

Carlisle just smiled and shrugged easily.

"She's dating my son, Jasper. She's like a part of the family and she loves the holidays. It works out well for everyone that way."

"All right," I said slowly, nodding.

He hadn't been kidding about that family stuff.

"Great! We'll get everything all figured out for everyone when it gets a little closer to the time."

"That would be good," I nodded, chuckling a little.

He laughed loudly and clapped me on the back before heading into the bathroom. I shook my head again and started back to the front office, wondering yet again what I'd gotten myself in to when I decided that I wanted to work here.

I stopped just outside the office door when I heard loud laughter, immediately picking Bella's out of the bunch. I'd only heard it that one time at the coffee shop, but I was positive in saying that I'd recognize it anywhere. It was so carefree and so happy; the complete opposite of what she'd been the past few days that I've known her. I liked hearing it; knowing that she wasn't always so detached and scared all the time. She could laugh and enjoy herself.

"And then he points at me, says 'Bella, you're my bestest friend' before falling onto the floor, hitting his head on the edge of his train table and he was out," Bella squeaked.

Jake?

I pushed through the door to see both Alice and Angela – who had seemed to appear out of thin air all within the two minutes it took me to walk back this way – bent over in their chairs, gasping out laughter.

"He is not going to live that down," Alice gasped, sitting up straight and pointing at Bella. "Hey, Edward."

"Hey," I chuckled, shaking my head at the three of them. "Do I want to know?"

"My brother was quite smashed last night," Bella said proudly, looking up at me and nodding.

"He didn't have a concussion or anything, did he?" Angela asked, still gasping for air as she wiped a few tears from her cheeks.

"You've seen Emmett, Ang," Bella laughed, looking back at her and shaking her head. "Do you really think something like the edge of a table is going to hurt his thick head?"

She nodded, tilting her head from side to side before running her hands through her hair and taking a deep breath. Her eyes zeroed in on the basket in my hands and I watched her lick her lips.

"What do you have there, Edward?"

I smirked and held up the basket to her.

"Carlisle's wife apparently felt the need to make me some more oatmeal raisin cookies."

"Really?" Alice asked, her eyes attached to the wicker basket as well.

I laughed and walked in between Angela and Alice, setting the basket down and stepping back as they practically pounced on it. Bella laughed and I looked back at her, smirking as she shook her head. I walked over to her and leaned on her side of the counter, crossing my ankles and watching as the other two grabbed as many cookies as possible in their hands, eyeing each other.

"I hope you didn't want any of those."

"Nah," I shook my head, laughing. "I'm good."

"Good. Because to them, those cookies are better than gold."

"Better than clothes!" Alice called out through a mouthful.

"Almost better than sex," Angela moaned, dropping her head back onto her shoulders as she chewed.

"Well, then I don't know what kind of sex you're having lately, but even as good as these are, they don't come close to sex," Alice drawled.

"Oh, good Lord," Bella mumbled, laughing and shaking her head as she reached up to tap her fingertips against her forehead.

"I'm having great sex, thank you very much," Angela stated, picking her head back up and narrowing her eyes at Alice. "But there are just some things that top it sometimes."

"Maybe you need some pointers then."

"I don't need any damn pointers! I'm very well aware of the logistics, Alice!"

"If you think cookies are better than sex, then you obviously don't, honey." Alice shook her head sympathetically, clucking her tongue. "We'll talk."

"No, we won't! My sex life is fine!"

"Do you want a muffin?" Bella laughed, looking up at me.

I agreed, shaking my head at Alice and Angela as they kept arguing and pushed myself off the counter, waiting for Bella to stand up and walk ahead of me.

"Is the coffee okay?" she asked as we walked into the small blue and white kitchen.

"Oh, yeah. It's perfect. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said softly, nodding as she plucked a muffin out of the white box in the middle of the round table.

"Are they always like that?"

Are you always like that around them?

She laughed and nodded, picking the top of the muffin apart and popping a piece into her mouth.

"You'll get used to them. It takes a while."

I smirked and nodded, raising my coffee to my lips and watching her over the rim. She was fidgeting nervously with the paper around the muffin and only looking up at me when she had to, but at least she seemed a lot more relaxed than she usually was when we were alone together. And that was probably the biggest accomplishment I could even hope for today.

~*~

"Hey, Edward?"

I looked up from the file on my desk – yes, my actual desk – to see Alice standing in the doorway, her purse slung over her shoulder and her jacket on.

The infamous Esme had shown up about an hour before office hours closed with a herd of men carrying furniture in through the lobby and into the door that had been mainly closed since I'd arrived. Thankfully, there hadn't been any patients and I hadn't been able to figure out if that was on purpose or not.

Either way, I didn't care. I had an actual office and I wouldn't have to deal with that fucking copier for anything more than its purpose. No more sore elbows for me. I had an office with a beautiful mahogany desk, one of the most comfortable chairs my ass had ever had the privilege of sitting in, an entire wall of bookshelves that I needed to fill immediately so that it didn't look so bare and a cream colored carpet that I could sleep on comfortably if I needed to.

I'd had to reign in the incredible urge I felt at hugging Esme to within an inch of her life before she and Carlisle left for the day. I'd had to stop myself from giving in to the need to plaster myself against the desk and stay there for the rest of the night, too.

"Yeah?"

Alice bit her bottom lip briefly before stepping in completely and closing the door behind her.

Okay, so this was clearly not a mere social call it seems.

"Are you interested in Bella?"

My eyes widened and the pen in my hand fell to the floor.

"Excuse me?"

She merely raised an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You heard me."

"I like hanging out with her," I managed, clearing my throat. "Why?"

"Is it more than that?"

"I just met her!"

I just met you so what's with the third degree already?

"She's been through a lot, Edward."

I nodded, licking my lips and taking a deep breath.

"She told me about her father."

Her eyes widened and she dropped her arms, staring at me in disbelief.

"She did?" she asked, her voice monotone and the complete opposite of the shock on her face.

I nodded, reaching down to grab my pen.

"Yes, this morning."

"Oh."

"Can I ask why it's a big deal?" I asked, threading the pen through my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

Alice blinked and shook her head, taking a deep breath.

"Please be patient with her," she said quietly, her eyes pleading with me. "She needs time, but she's so worth it."

"Alice, I'm not interested in her that way, okay? We're just hanging out."

"I mean it." She pointed at me and seemed to ignore everything I just said. "She deserves to be happy. Just because I don't know your story doesn't mean I can't see how much you need someone like Bella."

"Alice, I already told you…"

"And I already told you," she countered softly. "Be patient and you won't regret it."

With that, she turned on her heel, flung open the door and left me wanting to smash my face against the fucking wall.

I don't want a relationship. Not with Bella, not with anyone. I wanted to be free and single and I didn't want to have to answer to anyone else.

Then why are you always so lonely when you go home at night?

I growled at the voice in my head and slapped the pen on my desk, glaring at the door that Alice had left open and reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair.

Was it written somewhere that just because I took an interest in talking to someone of the opposite sex that I immediately had to be looking to date them? I couldn't just want to get to know them and be friends with them? Why did there always have to be an ulterior motive?

"Hey, you all right?"

I focused on the person standing in the doorway when I heard Bella's voice and shot her a tentative smile, nodding and sitting up straight. She'd been so free with me today and I sure as hell didn't want her thinking that I was pissed off at her. That had happened yesterday and the overall outcome really wasn't something I wanted to revisit.

"So? What do you think?" I asked, leaning back in the chair and spreading my arms at my sides. "Pretty fucking nice, huh?"

She laughed and nodded, walking in and setting a menu on the desk before sitting in one of the chairs across from me.

"Esme never does anything half-assed. Decide what you want," she stated, nodding towards the bright green paper in front of me. "I'll go get it."

"Don't they deliver or something?"

"And what am I gonna do until they get here? Stare at you?" she laughed, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in the chair to cross her arms over her chest. "That won't be much fun."

"Ha, ha," I drawled, smirking at her and snatching the menu. "You're just full of it today, aren't you?"

"I had a pretty good night last night," she nodded, stretching her arms out in front of her and rubbing her palms on her thighs.

"Why's that?" I asked absently, perusing the menu choices.

"Hung out with my brother. He always makes me feel better."

"You two are close?"

"We have to be."

I folded my bottom lip into my mouth and nodded, looking up at her over the edge of the paper to see that she was staring at her knees.

"And your mom? Are you close with her, too?"

She nodded, tapping her fingertips against her kneecaps and I looked back at the menu, not wanting to chance pushing her back into her shell.

"They're my best friends. The only ones that have ever stuck around for me."

"Well, that's always nice," I nodded, trying to decide between the chicken parmigiana and a steak.

"What about you? Are you close to your parents?"

"No," I snapped, glaring up at her. "I'm not."

The innocent and slightly relaxed look on her face immediately disappeared but at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to feel bad or care much.

"I'll have the chicken parmigiana," I nearly growled, all but throwing the menu back at her. "Thank you."

She quickly grabbed the menu from where it landed on the edge of my desk and ran out. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair. I listened as the main door slammed a few minutes later, echoing around the empty office before I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the files on my desk.

I had been close to my mother at one time. My father hadn't been around much for me to develop any kind of emotional ties – aside from obligation. They were one of the reasons that I was even in this town to begin with. I came here to escape them and all that being a Masen had entailed.

So, no, my parents and I were not close. We were not the typical American family and I did not want anything to do with them. I didn't want to talk about them, I didn't want to think about them and I sure as hell didn't want to be linked to them more than I was already bound to.

I continued to stare at the files, the spark of anger and resentment waning only slightly before I heard the door slam again. I looked down at my watch, blinking when I saw that it was already an hour after the office had closed.

It felt like Bella had just left.

Bella. Shit.

I looked up when I heard her footsteps just outside my office door a few minutes later. She walked in, her head down and a black plastic to-go container in her hands.

The anger was gone and guilt was quickly taking its place, gnawing on the edges of my stomach and creeping up my throat as I watched her slowly cross the room to me.

"Here," she said quietly, her voice shaking as she placed it on the edge of my desk, plastic wrapped utensils on the top.

"Thanks," I said softly, hoping that she'd look up at me.

Fucked this up nice and well, didn't you?

She nodded and turned on her heel, quickly walking to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I, uhm… I have some stuff I forgot to do. I'll eat out there."

"Wait, Bella…"

"You need to work."

She darted out of the room before I could say anything else and I slammed my wrists on the desk in total frustration.

She was finally opening up and laughing around me, openly talking to me and I have to go and let my stupid fucking parents help ruin that, too. They were in a completely different state and they could still manage to fuck things up for me.

Fucking perfect.

Resisting the urge to put a hole through one of the walls or the top of this gorgeous, brand new desk I was sitting at with my fists, I stood up and took a few deep breaths before walking out and down the hallway. The door was open and I could see Bella sitting at her space, picking at her bottom lip with one hand and the other tapping a fork against the unopened to-go container that matched the one she'd set on my desk. Her eyes were focused on something in front of her and I swallowed hard at seeing that lost and heartbroken look back on her face.

It had been gone every time I'd seen her throughout the day and with a few innocent questions and harshly spoken answers – completely reversing what had happened between us yesterday at the coffee shop – she was back to being the scared little rabbit I'd met four days ago.

"You should be working," she said quietly as I walked in and stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"You should be, too."

"I'm not getting paid to be here," she countered, her eyes still fixed on whatever it was in front of her.

Ouch.

"Bella…"

"You owe me no apologies or explanations," she said quickly, her eyes sliding closed and the fork clattering to the counter as she dropped it and placed both hands in her lap. "Please don't feel like you do."

"You just asked me a simple question."

"Yes, well, I know better than anyone what a simple question can do to you. I'm sorry for prying."

"But you weren't," I sighed, slightly exasperated that she wasn't even giving me the chance to explain.

"Are we still even?" she asked softly, her eyes opening and sliding over to me, looking down at the floor near my feet.

I shifted awkwardly and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Well… yeah, but you…"

"Then yes, I was prying. And I'm sorry for it." She nodded and leaned forward, grabbing her container and carefully pulling off the top. "I'll be out here if you need anything from me. I hope your dinner is good."

This wasn't how this night was supposed to go. We were supposed to be eating in the same room and I'd hoped beyond all measure that she'd laugh with me, stay relaxed and start to enjoy my company.

"My father wasn't home much," I started, swallowing hard. "He's a doctor, too and he wasn't home-"

"Just because I told you about my father this morning doesn't mean that you have to return the favor," she interrupted, grabbing her fork and stabbing at a carrot. "I'm not asking you for anything, Edward. I never will."

I wanted to pull my hair out.

"Fine," I finally snapped, throwing my hands in the air even as she flinched. "Just forget about the whole damn thing. Don't stay here for me if you don't fucking want to."

I turned around and was a step out the door when I heard her voice, soft and laced with that fucking painful tone I'd heard from her too many times before.

"I told you that you were wasting your time."

I reached up and rubbed my face, groaning softly into my hands and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down.

Maybe she was right. Maybe Tanya was right, too. Maybe they were both right and I was the asshole walking into a situation that I shouldn't have to deal with. Maybe I should've just gone to New York City like I was originally going to. Far enough away from absolutely everything that I was trying so hard to get away from and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. Maybe I could still go there. Maybe I could go there, disappear into the crowds and forget everything about my former life and everything that I'd walked in to when I walked into this fucking office four damn days ago.

I dropped my hands and turned around when I heard a sharp pop to see that she'd placed the plastic cover back onto her dinner and had her purse slung over her shoulder, her bottom lip caught tightly in between her teeth to the point where I was sure she was going to draw blood from it in a matter of seconds. She slid her chair underneath the counter and grabbed the container, her head down as she started in my direction.

"Bella," I said softly, guilt creeping up my spine.

She jumped and screamed a little, dropping the entire container on the floor. I watched as she reached up and covered her face with her hands, shaking her head and taking an audibly shaky deep breath. I swallowed hard and bent down, picking up the container and offering it back to her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her hands shaking as she dropped them to her sides. "I… I'll go and I'll leave you alone, okay? I won't… I won't ask you for anything that doesn't revolve around work, okay?" She grabbed the container from my hands and started to walk around me. I blocked her way and she flinched away from me. "Edward, please. I-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean any harm. Just… I'm trying to go. Please let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not? Everyone else does it just fine. Call Jake, he'll even give you some pointers." Her voice broke and I clenched my teeth together. "I've got an entire list of people you could talk to that have made it seem like a cake walk when they leave."

"Did it ever occur to you that I'm not like everyone else?" I asked softly, fighting the surprising urge I felt to brush her hair from her face. "Come and eat with me, Bella."

"You don't want me to."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"I want you to come and sit with me. I want to have dinner with you."

"You don't have to do this. Don't feel bad about this, okay? I made the mistake. I'm trying to make it right."

"If you're trying to make it right then you need to come and have dinner with me. That's the only way."

"You have work to do."

I shrugged one shoulder, leaning against the doorjamb and watching her cautiously as I made enough room in the doorway for her to leave if she really wanted to. It surprised me at how much I didn't want her to leave. I really did want her to stay – even after all of the shit we'd already been through in the past twenty minutes, I still wanted her to stay and keep me company.

"I'll get it done one way or another."

"I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am."

"If I promise to annoy the fuck out of you all day tomorrow, will you come and sit with me tonight?"

She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow.

"What?"

I raised my own eyebrow at her and shrugged, smirking.

"You seem to think you're bothering me right now, so if I promise to annoy you beyond words tomorrow during work, will you have dinner with me tonight?"

"That doesn't even…"

"I want to have dinner with you tonight, Bella," I said quietly, nodding once. "If you really want to go, I'll let you but I really want you to come and sit with me."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, reaching up with her free hand to rub her fingertips against her forehead.

"That doesn't make sense," she whispered, still shaking her head.

"Why?"

"You wanted me to… you said to forget… oh, I hate men."

I barked out a laugh and quickly covered my mouth with my hand as her head snapped up to mine, her eyes narrowed at me.

"You talk in circles!" she accused.

"So do you!"

She huffed and dropped her hand onto the container in her hands, pursing her lips at me.

"You really want me to stay?"

I dropped my hand to stuff it in my pocket and nodded.

"I really want you to stay. Gotta christen the new office, you know."

Her mouth dropped open and I laughed loudly, thankful that I was already leaning against the doorjamb or I probably would've fall on my ass.

"Ass," she mumbled, shaking her head and twisting her lips to the side.

"Come on," I laughed, motioning with my head to the hallway. "I'm hungry."

"I really am sorry," she said quietly, biting her bottom lip and looking down at her feet.

"Don't be," I said just as quietly, standing up straight. "Please."

She nodded and I turned around, looking over my shoulder as I started back to my office and watched as she followed a few steps behind me, her purse still over her shoulder and the container still gripped tightly in her hands. I looked straight ahead again, biting the inside of my cheek as I walked into my office again. I grabbed the container and placed it in the middle of my desk as I rounded it, watching as Bella awkwardly sat down in one of the chairs in front of me again. She slowly set her purse on the floor and the container on the very edge of the desk, her eyes cast down and her posture rigid.

I did that to her this time. She was uncomfortable because of what I'd done and said to her.

I swallowed hard and sat down, grabbing my plastic utensils before flicking open the top of the container and staring down at it.

"My mother didn't want me to become a doctor," I said quietly, taking a deep breath and looking up at her.

"You don't…"

"My father is a doctor and he was never home," I continued, shaking my head slightly. "I spent all my time with my mother and she gave free music lessons to anyone who wanted them. She taught me to play the piano and the guitar."

Bella looked up at me then, her eyes focused on my face as she placed her hands in her lap and leaned in.

"I resented my father almost as much as she did by the time I was graduating high school. I don't think that I've ever had a meaningful conversation with him in my entire life." I scoffed and reached up to run a hand through my hair. "I didn't want to be a doctor at first and when I made it to college, I was a music major. I was damn good at the piano and I enjoyed it. It was my outlet."

She was nodding at me, her lips pressed into a tight line.

"My roommate was taking courses to be a doctor and I finally asked him why he wanted to be one. I hadn't had the best example in my life and the thought of spending so much time away from my family when I finally had one and practically living at the hospital repulsed me." I smirked and shook my head, my hand automatically threading through my hair again. "But he told me that he wanted to save lives. He wanted to have that… pride at the end of the day when he went home and could say that he'd had a hand in saving someone's life. Keeping a family together and helping add on as many more years as they were supposed to have to their lives. And I just… got it."

I dropped my hand to the arm rest, shaking my head again.

"He still had time to go out with friends at the end of the day. He still went home during the holidays and he still had a life outside of our studies. He worked hard and he busted his ass all the time, but he could still enjoy himself." I licked my lips and huffed out a breath. "And I realized that if Garrett could still have a life outside of everything, then why couldn’t my father?"

"Edward, I'm so…"

"I'm not done," I said quietly, smiling softly at her.

She returned it weakly and nodded at me.

"I went with him to class one day out of pure curiosity. Just to see what it was all about and I spent the entire hour completely… enraptured with everything the professor was saying." I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. "I went and changed my major the minute I could. I called my mother that night, told her…" I absently scratched at my arm as I twisted my lips to the side. "She threatened to call and pull me out altogether and I told her that I'd do everything in my power to get back as soon as possible. She screamed and ranted and cried… called me a traitor; she brought up every little thing my father had ever done to us and my only response was that I wasn't him." I watched as she looked down at her lap. "She never forgave me for betraying her."

"But you didn't," Bella said quietly, shaking her head. "You followed your heart. You should always follow your heart."

"My mother didn't see it that way."

"She should've supported you." I was surprised to hear the hint of anger in her voice and sat back in my chair, watching as she puffed out her cheeks. "That's what mothers are supposed to do. They're supposed to support you on everything that you want to do and it doesn't matter if it doesn't fit into their plans for you. Your happiness should mean everything to them."

"It sounds like your mother is a very amazing woman, Bella," I said softly.

She looked up at me and nodded.

"She is. She supports me the way that yours should've supported you. A mother should never say those things or make you feel bad about what you want to do for the rest of your life. It's your life and you're going to be stuck in whatever decision you made back in college. You need to be happy in what you're doing."

"I am now."

"It's something she should've supported you on. She should've been happy that you had that immediate passion for something that she didn't understand. You could've shown her differently; shown her that you're different than your father."

I nodded, impressed as I thought over her words. She was absolutely right. Her face was red, her eyes were narrowed at her legs; she looked pretty damn annoyed and she was pretty damn annoyed for something that I had to go through. I'd heard of people being upset and pissed off about things that had happened to other people, but I'd never had anyone react this way to me.

I couldn't say that I hated it. I wasn't sure what to do with it, but I definitely didn't hate it.

"That wasn't right of her at all," she said softly, shaking her head and sighing. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

I smirked at her and shrugged, finally opening my wrapped utensils and pulling them out.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

I smiled as I cut into my chicken and speared it on the end of my fork, raising it in a mock toast to her.

"For listening."

Back or Next

Four

2009-08-09T11:46:00.003-07:00

*Bella*

I watched Edward out of the corner of my eye as I turned around to grab a pen from Alice's wire mesh holder – even though I had more than enough sitting right in front of me – and blew out a quiet, shaky breath.

It was the end of the day and he was back in Angela's seat, studiously working on the files that he needed to have finished before the next morning while I sat here and demanded my nerves to relax.

I'd been on edge all day. Alice and Angela had thankfully not asked me about it – probably just figuring it was one of my moods and Carlisle had been too busy to do more than stop in for a few seconds to greet everyone before patients started pouring into the waiting room.

Apparently, today was the day that every young child in Forks decided to come down with a cold. Esme's design crew had decided that today would be as good as any other to do some actual work on his office and it had been noisy as fuck in the hallway all damn day. It had been an absolutely insane day altogether. Angela and I had even had to run across the street to get lunch because there was absolutely no way that we'd be able to take an hour away from the phones and walk-ins.

I have to say, it was rather nice not spending the entire hour by myself. I'd been eating at my desk since Edward showed up and I had almost forgotten how much I actually missed having other people around to talk to if I'd felt so inclined to do so.

From the glimpses I allowed myself of Edward, even he looked exhausted and slightly annoyed. From what I'd overheard Angela and Alice talking about, Tanya hadn't let up on him since he walked in the door. She was definitely persistent when she wanted to be.

Maybe he doesn't want to go for coffee after work anymore. Maybe he's tired of you, too.

I licked my lips, tapping the end of the pen against the appointment book in front of me and swallowing hard.

It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

And while yesterday had been awkward and I'd said more than I really wanted to, it was nice getting out and talking to someone who didn't already know everything. I didn't have to go back to my apartment and sit around until it was late enough that I could go to bed and wait for the next morning. I wasn't waiting for the phone to ring, hearing Jake rambling on about some new adventure that he and Jean were going on that didn't involve me.

I'd had something to do. Something that didn't revolve around my best friend slowly pushing me out of his life.

Granted, I'd pushed myself in Edward's car the minute Jake had left and he was probably just taking me to be polite, but at least he'd taken me somewhere. He hadn't demanded that I get out of his car and look at me with disgust when I would've undoubtedly burst into tears.

After all, there's only so much rejection and half-assed apologies I could deal with in one day.

"We don't," I started, forced to clear my throat when my voice came out rough, "we don't have to go tonight."

"Huh? Go where?" he asked, obviously trying to stifle a yawn.

My stomach fell and I closed my eyes tightly, frantically tapping the pen against the appointment book and taking a deep breath through my nose.

He was tired. He'd had a busy day and he'd forgotten about our coffee proposition from last night.

You're not even memorable enough to keep him interested in something that he asked you not even twenty-four hours ago.

"Nevermind," I managed, my leg jiggling up and down nervously as I began to clear up the space on my desk.

I needed to go. It was stupid of me to be worried about this all fucking day. He obviously didn't want to and there was no reason that I should've brought it up. He probably just felt bad for me yesterday, knowing what had happened between Jake and me.

I felt like an ass for telling him anything. I knew better than to do that. What the hell had I been thinking?

Christ, Bella, you're such an idiot.

"Oh! Oh, shit! Bella, I…"

"It's fine," I said quietly, shaking my head as I quickly shut down my computer and began to stand up. "You had a long day."

"No, Bella… well, yes, okay, I did but I-"

"It's okay," I laughed nervously, grabbing my purse from the floor and setting it on the counter. "I'll just see you tomorrow, right?"

"Don't leave?" he asked quickly. "Please? Tanya will probably be here soon…"

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, swallowing hard. Right. Tanya would be coming in soon, I'm sure, in an attempt to get him to go out with her and he needed me to save him from her.

That's all you're good for, after all.

"Right," I whispered, nodding and plopping back down into my chair, opening my eyes again and staring straight ahead.

Fuck, I needed a cigarette.

"I didn't forget," he offered hopefully. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

The least of which is making me feel like I have an actual life again.

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm buying, right? That was the deal?"

"You don't have to, Edward," I mumbled, shaking my head as I brought my elbows up to rest on the desk and cradle my head in my hands. "I know you're tired."

"Which just means that I need the coffee, right?"

"Are you doing anything after work that warrants the need for coffee?"

He was quiet and I rubbed my hands over my face, jiggling both of my legs up and down underneath the counter.

"We can go to dinner or something," he offered again.

"Don't," I said quietly. "It's fine. Another time."

Where in the fuck was Tanya when I needed her? Any other time, she's bursting in here with all of her inappropriate scrubs and craziness and today; nothing.

"Bella…"

"Edward, it's fine, all right?" I asked, standing up and starting towards the door. "Don't worry about it."

I walked into the lobby and popped the lock on the cabinet, grabbing the disinfectant and starting to spray down all the toys in the corner.

It wasn't a big deal. It didn't matter. He did a hell of a lot more than I did today so it was normal for him to be tired and not remember something insignificant like a non-trusting coffee meeting with a girl that he worked with.

"Bella…"

I turned on my heel to see his head poking out of the sliding window in front of Alice's space, his cheek resting on the counter on the side in the waiting room with his bottom lip pouting out and his eyes wide, innocent and directed at me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, crossing one arm over my waist and letting my other hand fall to my side, the disinfectant smacking against my knee.

"What are you doing?"

He turned his head, resting his chin on the counter as he sighed.

"Come for coffee with me?"

"It's not a big deal, Edward." I brushed him off and turned around again, spraying down the chairs as I walked by them. "You've had a rough day."

"And I'd like to make it better by going to get coffee with you."

"Who says I'd make it better?"

"I do."

"You don't know me well enough to make that assumption."

"And you don't know me well enough to assume I don't need coffee no matter what time of day it is."

I rolled my eyes as I threw a coloring book onto one of the tables in the corner, gritting my teeth together.

He just wants coffee, Bella. This has nothing at all to do with you.

"So what do you need me there for?"

"Company."

"I'm sure Tanya would love to join you."

"Do you dislike me that much, Bella?" he gasped.

I looked over my shoulder at him to see that he was standing up straight with a hand over his heart, a look of horror and disgust on his face and his mouth hanging open.

"I'm just stating a fact," I said simply, looking down at the mound of outdated magazines and forcing my lips to stop twitching.

All right, that move was rather amusing.

"I like all of my junk being not itchy, thank you very much," he huffed.

I couldn't help it as I laughed, leaning against the table with the magazines and looking back at him. He was grinning at me and shrugging his shoulders, his fingertips tapping out a rhythm on his chest.

"Well, I don't!" he exclaimed.

"Good to know," I laughed, shaking my head as I stood up straight again.

"You'll come with me?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and sighing, giving in. He grinned at me again, actually bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

"Great! Let me just…"

"Edward!" Tanya screeched, appearing in the doorway of the office out of nowhere.

When I needed her; nothing. When I want nothing more than to get out of here without seeing her one more time, there she fucking is.

I watched his grin falter as he slowly turned on his heels and faced her. She was wearing Scooby Doo scrubs today and the way Scooby was stretched across her breasts was obscene. Especially since his tongue was hanging out.

Christ, I wished Carlisle would say something to her about those damn things already. At least make her buy the correct size to begin with. She was good with the kids, I could give her that, but I wished to holy hell that she'd learn how to deal with adults; specifically male adults.

"Hi, Tanya," he said through his teeth, forcing a smile on his face.

Poor bastard.

I quickly put the disinfectant back in the cabinet, locked it and grabbed our coats from the pegs, sliding mine on over my shoulders.

"I'm having this dinner party," I could hear Tanya purr as I walked through the door leading to the hallway, "and I was wondering if you'd wanna come? It's tomorrow night right after work. You could meet all of my friends!"

"Sorry, Tanya," I said easily, squeezing by her and walking over to Edward to hand him his coat, "we've got plans for tomorrow night."

"Is there something wrong with you?" she demanded, staring at Edward through narrowed eyes.

"Excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he took his coat from me.

"She's… there's… she's a wretched bitch!" Tanya exclaimed, pointing at me as I grabbed my purse. "She's probably just using you!"

"Yes, Tanya," I sighed, tilting my head at her as I slung my purse over my shoulder, "I'm using him. He knows this. He's okay with this. Let it go."

She sputtered, throwing her hands in the air and shaking her head.

"You're okay with this?" she screeched.

Edward shrugged, pulling his coat on before turning to grab his files and shove them in his briefcase.

"I'm not opposed to it."

"There's something wrong with the both of you!" she screeched again before storming out of the office and back down the hallway. "I'll tell Carlisle about this! He won't approve!"

Edward's head snapped in my direction and I waved him off, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Carlisle knows better," I said quietly, nervous again now that I was back in the same room with him and we were alone. "Don't worry about it."

He nodded slowly, clipping the snaps on his briefcase closed and standing up straight. I turned on my heel, leading the way down the hallway and out of the office altogether, listening to his footsteps behind me.

"Did you want to ride with me again?"

"I can drive," I said quietly, swallowing hard and nodding. I hated to drive; absolutely fucking hated it. If I didn't need to in order to get to work in the morning, I'd walk my ass everywhere. "This way you don't have to come back here and drop me off."

"I don't mind."

"It's probably out of your way…"

"It's really not." He stepped up to me, jiggling his keys in his hand as we stood awkwardly in the middle of the parking lot. "I live in the Heights. I have to go back by here anyway."

My face fell. Of course he'd live in the most expensive, ritzy apartments in all of Forks. Why the hell wouldn't he?

He's too good for you. You're kidding yourself if you think you could ever fit into his life.

I shook my head and reached around, clasping my right wrist in my hand and dragging my thumb up and down as I looked over to his car.

I didn't want to fit into his life. Not like that. Coffee after work was a long ways away from fitting into someone else's life as a permanent fixture.

I felt my face pale.

Did I want that? When had the words permanent fixture even become an option in my brain?

"Bella? Are you all right?"

My eyes snapped to his face and I swallowed hard, reaching up with my hands to rub my face and nod.

"Yeah, fine," I managed, taking a few deep breaths. "I was just… I was thinking."

"Care to share?" he asked casually as he took a step towards his car.

"No," I snorted, dropping my hands and slowly following him. "Do you mind giving me a ride?"

"Would I have offered if I didn't?"

"I don't know. Would you have?" I shot back, raising an eyebrow at his retreating back.

He threw his keys up in the air before catching them and looking over his shoulder at me, smirking and shaking his head.

"Not a chance, Bella. Now get in the car."

I listened as the locks flipped before we even reached it and pursed my lips. Damn expensive, nice car with its automatic locks, windows and fancy remote. Probably cost him more than my entire life was even worth.

Yet another reason why being anything more than the girl he took pity on and went for coffee with was completely absurd.

"Do you remember how to get there?"

He nodded before pulling open the driver's side door and sinking down into the seat. I pursed my lips and huffed, grabbing the door handle and plopping myself into the seat, setting my purse in my lap. I pulled my door closed, staring straight ahead at our building as he started the car and pulled out of his parking space.

"So are you all caught up on your hours?"

I nodded, looking down and fidgeting with my purse strap.

"Yeah. Today was the last day that I needed to stay late."

"So you won't be staying late tomorrow night," he mused quietly.

"No. But Tanya will probably leave right on time to get to her dinner party. You'll have nothing to worry about."

"You said that we were doing something tomorrow night, though," he stated lightly, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel as he pulled into traffic and started in the direction of the coffee house.

I spared a glance over at him, one eyebrow raised before I went back to tugging on my purse strap.

"Did you want to meet all her friends?"

"Fuck no."

"I was your excuse, Edward," I said quietly, sighing and slapping my hands on my purse to keep them still. "And really, we don't need to go for coffee. I know that you're tired and that it's been a rough day…"

"How many more times am I going to have to tell you that I want to go?" he sighed, clearly frustrated.

I bit my bottom lip and went back to playing with my purse strap, awkwardly shifting in the leather seat.

Good job, Bella. Frustrate him so that he never wants to talk to you again.

"Sorry," I said softly.

He hummed in response and I kept my eyes on my lap, my bottom lip in between my teeth and my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

We rode the rest of the way in silence and I berated myself the whole time, warding off pointless tears at the thought of yet another rejection and chasing yet another guy away from me.

Well, fuck, I had perfected it at this point. Why should I feel so damn surprised that it had only taken three days this time?

I quickly pushed out of the door as soon as he stopped and waited at the front of the car with my head down as he walked up next to me, shoving his keys into his jacket pocket. I followed behind him as we walked into the shop and stood behind him in line, swallowing hard and taking deep breaths in an attempt to steady… everything about me. I'd need to order and I couldn't be on the verge of tears when I did it.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly, turning to me.

"I can get it," I all but whispered, stuffing my shaking hand in my purse and searching for my wallet.

"I said I'd get it today, Bella. Just tell me what you want."

"Carmel coffee, cream and three sugars," I managed, swallowing hard and slowly pushing my purse onto my shoulder.

"Go find a table," he grumbled and I watched his feet as he turned his back on me.

I sniffled and looked up a little through my hair, weaving in between the people that never cared enough to look up before I found an empty table in the back in a corner. I shrugged my purse off my shoulder and set it on the table, pulling my coat off and hanging it on the back of the chair before climbing into it and resting my hands in my lap. I twisted my fingers together, biting down hard on my bottom lip again as it trembled.

Why was I such an idiot all the damn time? How did I always do this?

Failure.

I slapped a hand over my mouth when I felt the sob building up in the back of my throat and forced myself to take deep, even breaths even as I felt a few tears trail down my cheeks and stop at my hand.

God, I just wanted to go home. I never should've reminded him that we had plans tonight. I should've just gone home and waited for the phone to ring like I always did. I wouldn't have had the chance to piss anyone else off if I'd done just that.

I jumped, whimpering at an embarrassingly loud level when the chair in front of me scraped against the stone floor. I quickly tried to subtly wipe the tears off my cheeks before lifting my head slightly and staring at the coffee cup I hadn't realized Edward had put there.

"Thank you," I said, humiliated at the way my voice shook and broke.

"Sure. Owed it to you."

I immediately looked down at my lap again, my bottom lip back between my teeth. He was just here to pay what he thought was a debt to me. He wasn't here because he wanted to be.

Who in their right mind would actually want to be here with me anyway?

"Have you talked to Jake at all today?"

I shook my head, twisting my fingers around each other.

"He hasn't called you since you saw him yesterday? At all?"

I shook my head again, releasing my bottom lip from my teeth and sucking in a shaky breath.

"Hey, Bella… are you okay?" he asked, his voice quiet and closer as he leaned in.

"Fine," I choked out, my breath hitching in my chest.

Fuck. Perfect. No hiding from that. Now he'd just think that I was this pathetic blob who burst into tears at every little thing that he did – or, in this case, didn't – say.

I should've just fucking gone home.

"Hey, what happened? What's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to…" I took another deep breath and twisted my fingers in different directions, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean to frustrate you or upset you. I just… I don't want you to do anything with me if you really don't want to. I'm sorry."

"Bella, will you look at me?" he asked, his voice soft.

I huffed out a breath and reached up to wipe underneath my eyes, looking up and directly at the end of his nose.

"It's been a really long day."

"I know and I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"I'm a moody bastard, Bella. It didn't even have much to do with you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I mumbled, feeling like a complete ass.

If I hadn't scared him away before, I most definitely had now. What man sticks around after a girl sits across a table from him doing her best not to make a fool out of herself while crying?

"Are you going to break up with me again?"

I focused in on his face instead of just his nose and saw a smirk on his lips. I snorted – it came out more as a watery sniffle than anything – and knuckled away the tears under my eyes, nodding.

"Yes. We're over. Completely done. I can't stand the sight of you any longer."

He threw his head back and laughed loudly, garnering the attention of, oh, everyone. My cheeks burned, but I laughed with him, sniffling a little as I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the table.

I liked his laugh. It was deep and only slightly obnoxious but there was no doubt that he meant it. He wasn't laughing out of pity or out of sarcasm – it was easy and natural.

"I see how it is," he started when he calmed down, "you use me for coffee and then you're done with me."

I nodded, picking up my coffee and sipping from it.

"I am only using you, after all."

"And I am not opposed to it," he answered easily, smiling and resting his elbows on the table as well.

I forced myself to stay where I was even as my muscles tensed and my heart started beating fast again.

I don't know why I always had this reaction when it came to most men. I'd never been abused in my entire life but the minute a man I didn't know well got too close to me, I was tense and nervous. I didn't understand it, it made no fucking sense and I hated it.

"Good," I managed, nodding and looking down at my cup.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?"

I sighed heavily and shook my head, sucking my bottom lip back into my mouth as I stared at the white rim of the coffee cup.

"Edward, really…"

"Bella, I mean it." I looked up when his voice changed and met his eyes, swallowing hard. "I like hanging out with you."

He does?

"You do?"

He smiled softly and I think my heart skipped a beat.

Well, fuck. That couldn't be natural. What the hell was that shit all about? That had never happened before. And I never wanted it to happen again. Shit like that wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me; not anymore.

"Yes, I really do."

"Oh," I said quietly, looking back down at my cup and gnawing on my bottom lip again.

"So? Tomorrow?"

"Uhm, I don't…" I shrugged and sucked in a deep breath, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter, I guess. Won't you have work to get done, though?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, sighing heavily. "And I can never concentrate at my apartment."

"How come?"

I looked up at him in enough time to see him shrug his shoulders and purse his lips.

"Too many distractions, I guess. Any suggestions?"

"Well," I cleared my throat and swallowed hard, shifting in my seat and wrapping my hands around my cup, "we could stay at the office? I could, uhm, I could run across the street and get something from Jared's? We could hang out there until you're finished?"

If my heart pounded any louder or harder against my chest, it was going to be sitting in the middle of the table in a matter of seconds.

"Do you really want to spend more time at the office than you have to?"

"No." I swallowed hard again, shaking my head and lifting my cup to my lips. "But you're hell bent on hanging out with me, so…"

"Oh, you know you like it."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"User," he accused, smirking at me as he lifted his cup to his lips.

"Loser."

"Ah!" He sat up straight and placed his hand over his heart again; mimicking the position he'd been in when I said something about Tanya earlier. "That is positively insulting, Bella." Then he relaxed into his seat, tilting his head at me. "What's your last name, anyway?"

"Swan," I said quietly, swallowing the immediate flush of rage I felt building up in the back of my throat. "I'm hoping to change that soon."

"Oh." He slumped his shoulders, leaning on the table heavily and looking down at his coffee cup. "You're engaged?"

I blinked at him, my coffee cup suspended halfway to my mouth.

"'Scuse me?" I managed, slowly lowering the cup back to the table before I either crushed it or dropped it.

"You're hoping to change it soon. Meaning that you're…"

"No," I said quickly and maybe a little too harshly when his wide eyes snapped to mine. "I'm not."

And you never will be.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said quietly when I continued to stare at him.

I didn't even really see him anymore at that point. Flashes of the dreams I'd kept locked away in a chest inside my heart were threatening, the chains rattling and the chest rocking back and forth. Demanding my attention.

"Excuse me," I said, my voice carefully detached as I slid almost bonelessly off the seat and started in the direction of the bathrooms.

I calmly walked into the single bathroom and locked the door, leaning against it and staring at the porcelain sink across from me.

His smile. The weight of his hand in mine. His lips on my forehead. His head in my lap on the couch. His voice.

Oh, God, his voice.

I placed one hand on my heart, taking deep, heaving breaths as I leaned forward and stared down at the ugly white tile of the bathroom floor.

The weight of his body on top of mine. The way his arms fit perfectly around me. The way I'd felt with him.

I missed feeling whole. I had felt so empty and so completely broken for so long that I didn't think I could even try to remember what it felt like to feel whole again.

And oh how it fucking hurt.

I stumbled over to the sink and gripped onto the edges of it tightly, breathing heavily before flicking on the cold water and staring down at it as it swirled around the drain. Prying my other hand off the side, I brought my hands underneath the water and leaned down, splashing it on my face.

I groped for the paper towels and flicked off the water, still taking deep breaths as I dried my face and stood up straight, avoiding the mirror.

It was definitely time to call it quits for the day.

I smoothed down my shirt, threw out the paper towel and turned on my heel, unlocking the door and pulling it open.

Edward stood there, my purse slung over his forearm, his coat on, our coffees in his hands and my coat draped over his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

I smiled humorlessly at him and nodded.

"I'm fine."

"I didn't mean to…"

"I know."

I grabbed my coat from his shoulder without touching him and slid my arms through it before grabbing my purse and coffee. I followed him out of the coffee shop, my head down and a lump in my throat as we wordlessly walked to his car.

The ride back to the office passed in silence. I stared out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by in a blur with my hands firmly gripping the coffee cup. I only looked up when I felt the car stop moving to see that we were sitting next to my car in the parking lot.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly, not moving as I stared out at the trees lining the parking lot.

"So am I."

"Don't be."

"I didn't mean to bring up…"

"You didn't know. It's not your fault."

"Will you tell me one day?" he asked softly.

I clenched my jaw and blinked slowly.

"I still don't trust you."

"When you do?"

"How do you know that I will?"

"Wishful thinking, I guess."

"If that day comes," I started softly, turning slightly toward him in the seat and keeping my eyes on the gear shift in between us, "then yes, I'll tell you. Until then, no."

I watched from the corner of my eye as he nodded.

"Do you trust me?"

"Not really, no."

"Still even," I said softly, sparing a glance at him and smiling shakily.

"Still even," he echoed, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be here."

I pushed out of the car and dug my keys out of my purse, unlocking my door and sliding into the seat. Plopping my coffee cup into the holder at my feet, I waited until he drove away before I grabbed my cell phone and turned it on, sticking my keys in the ignition. I pulled my cigarettes and lighter out as I waited, quickly lighting one before throwing both the pack and the lighter into the passenger seat.

I dialed in Jake's number, taking a drag from the cigarette and tapping my toes anxiously against the floorboards.

He needed to be free and he needed to be home. I'd done my best with dealing on my own since Jean had entered his life, but there were always times like these… when the memories crawled up on me and shattered the broken pieces of my heart and I just needed him to make it better.

I just needed him to talk to me for a few minutes and I'd be okay again.

"Hello?" he answered breathlessly.

I cringed and took another drag from my cigarette, blowing the smoke out through my nose as I reached down and flicked the ashes into the ashtray.

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"Bella?"

I rolled my eyes and huffed, swallowing hard. Did he not recognize my voice anymore? He'd just talked to me yesterday, for Christ's sake.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm kinda…"

"Jesus Christ, Bella. We're fucking busy," I heard Jean snap in the background.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, grounding the toes of my feet into the grey mats beneath me.

"Jean!" Jake hissed.

"Well, we are! Fuck, Jake, what the hell did you even answer the phone for?"

"Would you shut up?" he hissed.

"Nevermind, Jake," I mumbled, taking another drag from the cigarette and flicking it into the ashtray again.

"No, Bella, it's fine. What's…?"

"Are you serious right now?" Jean screeched. "I'm fucking naked, Jake!"

That was entirely too much information. And with her shrieking like a god damn banshee in the background, it was painfully obvious that I wasn't going to get a word in edgewise.

"I'll just talk to you later," I grumbled, slowly shaking my head and taking a deep breath.

"No, Bella, it's…"

"I can't believe you right now! She's just gonna piss you off!"

My heart twitched painfully in my chest and I bit my bottom lip, my fingertips digging into the sides of my phone.

Was that really all I did when I called? Piss him off? It was obvious that I pissed her off anytime I was around either of them, but I hadn't realized that he'd shared in that.

"I need to go," I whispered, snapping the phone shut and throwing it into the passenger seat as well.

I felt numb. I was aware that I was crying again and I was aware that my cigarette was smoldering in between my fingers. I heard my cell phone start to ring, but ignored it as I stared at the trees in front of me again.

Everyone important – everyone who said that they'd stick around – always leaves. No one, aside from my mother and my brother, had ever stuck around like they said they would.

No one ever would.

I snubbed out the half-smoked cigarette and twisted the key, my car groaning to life as I pulled my seat belt across my lap and pulled out of my parking space. I made my way to my brother's house on the other side of town and stiffly climbed out of the car, jiggling my keys in my hands as I walked up the driveway to his front door.

I literally recoiled when I saw his girlfriend's car hiding behind his completely huge and unnecessary Jeep parked in the driveway, stopping in my tracks and thinking twice about going any further.

Rosalie and I had never seen eye-to-eye. She made my brother happy and I'd tried to like her, but she put no effort into it what-so-ever. She constantly looked down her nose at me and treated me as if I was the scum of the earth rather than her boyfriend's sister.

She never did it around Emmett, though, and I never had the heart to tell him that his precious Rosie could be a massive righteous bitch when she was alone with me.

And after everything that had happened today, I really didn't want to deal with any more bullshit.

Fuck, I just wanted someone to talk to.

I reached up with one hand and fisted it in my hair, staring at her license plate and taking a few deep breaths.

Maybe I'd call in sick tomorrow. Do some self-healing of my own and spend the entire fucking day on my couch, watching every single fucking depressing movie I could get my hands on and crying my eyes out over every little thing that struck a chord in me.

"Bella?"

I jumped and screamed, dropping my hand from my hair and looking up to find Emmett standing on the front step, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a tight-fitting black t-shirt. His brown eyes stared into mine and I swallowed hard, taking a tentative step forward.

"Are you busy?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Bella," he said softly, the door slamming shut as he walked off the step and over to me, his large frame immediately swallowing my smaller one as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't want to interrupt anything," I managed against his chest.

"You're not and anyway, you come first. Come inside."

"Are you sure?"

"Bella…"

"I've interrupted enough today," I mumbled, looking up at him as he stood up straight, "I can't take much more, Em."

He pushed hair back from my forehead and tilted his head at me.

"So it was a really bad day, huh?"

I nodded, swallowing hard and pressing my lips together.

"Really bad day."

He slung an arm around my shoulders and led me up to the front door, keeping me tucked under his arm as he pulled open the screen door and ushered me inside. I toed off my shoes and nodded at Rosalie when I saw her sitting on the couch, her arms over her chest and her lips pressed into a tight line. I swallowed a sigh and looked up at Emmett.

"Wanna make some daiquiris?" he asked, squeezing me once before moving his arm from my shoulders. "We can hang out?"

"I actually need to get going," Rosalie said, standing up and brushing her hands off on her skin-tight, jean-clad thighs.

I slid my jacket from my shoulders, hung it up and slipped into the kitchen, nodding at her once again before disappearing and grabbing the mix and ice from the freezer. I set it on the counter and then grabbed the full bottle of vodka from the liquor cabinet in the pantry.

I hope he wasn't too attached to this or keeping it for any reason because I planned on drinking the majority of it tonight.

I grabbed the blender and stared at it, waiting to hear the front door close before I broke the ice out of the tray and dumped it into the glass canister. I heard Emmett's footsteps as he walked in behind me and listened as he pulled a chair out at the table.

He waited until I was finished blending and I felt his eyes on my back as I poured the thick liquid into two already chilled mugs from the freezer, chewing on my bottom lip as I turned around and joined him at the table.

"Start talking, Bells," he said quietly, holding the glass between his hands and looking at me.

I relaxed into the chair and kicked my legs out in front of me, wiggling my toes as I traced the handle of the mug in front of me with my pointer finger and launched into the whole story of what had happened to me today.

Emmett may have been two years younger than I was, but when it came to understanding me and listening to me without judging, he was the best at it. My chest felt lighter, my heart wasn't pounding painfully in my chest and for the first time all day, I was finally relaxed.

My little brother was my rock.

I closed my eyes briefly when I finished telling him about everything and leaned back in the chair, blowing out a deep breath. I could be myself here. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else because Emmett didn't care if I wasn't perfect. He didn't care that I had more baggage than an entire airplane usually carried. All he cared about was that I survived each day and was still able to give him a piece of his wretched train set every Christmas or birthday.

And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Back or Next

Three

2009-08-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

*Edward*

I turned the key in the lock and pushed through the door, stuffing my keys in my jacket pocket and carefully eyeing the side of Bella's face as she sat in her chair behind the front desk.

Carlisle had given me a key to the office – as he'd given one to everyone, apparently – just in case I needed to come in early to get some work done. And since I'd been rudely interrupted last night before leaving and hadn't really had the energy to open my briefcase again once I'd made it home, I made myself get up and come in an hour early.

I'd seen her car out in the parking lot, but hadn't thought much of it. I wasn't a morning person and no matter how many cups of coffee that I'd poured down my throat after my shower, I was still looking out at everyone through half-lidded eyes and probably scowling at just about everything that got in my way.

When she didn't look at me, I sighed and shook my head, slightly annoyed that everyone else knew what the hell was wrong with her and yet, I was left in the dark about all of it.

Okay, yeah, I'd been working here for a grand total of one damn day, but having someone tell me something about the girl before I met her would've been nice.

Setting my briefcase down by my feet, I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it up on the pegs, running a hand through my hair as I bent down.

"Good morning, Edward."

I stood up quickly, slowly turning to see that she was now standing by her chair, playing nervously with a piece of paper and biting her bottom lip as she shifted her weight on her feet.

"Morning," I grumbled, blinking at her once before bending down and grabbing my briefcase again.

"How are you?"

I blinked at her again as I straightened up, still standing in the doorway and reaching up to run my hand through my hair again.

"Fine. And you?"

She shrugged and I nearly fell over in shock when I got a small smile from her.

"Fine."

I nodded, taking one step towards the front desk and watching as she – even though we were still feet apart – took one back and the smile fell from her face. I watched her eyes widen and watched as the paper in her hands crinkled as she tightened her fingers into fists.

Now I was just fucking confused. She can save me from the clutches of Tanya yesterday and be in the same room with me then, but today we're separated by Plexiglas and she looks like a scared rabbit.

"I-I made some coffee," she stated, her voice shaking as she untangled one hand from the paper and pointed over her shoulder. "And I, uh, I made some brownies. I mean, it's kind of early for chocolate of any kind but…"

She folded her bottom lip into her mouth and looked down, dropping her arm back to the paper and nervously trying to fold it back into place.

"If you wanted some, you're more than welcome," she said softly.

"Thank you," I replied just as softly, nodding at her even though she wasn't looking at me.

I was beginning to think that she'd never look at me for more than a few minutes at a time. Maybe she found me absolutely revolting and couldn’t stand to look at me without feeling sick.

I smirked to myself and shrugged.

Maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all. If she couldn't look at me because I was that revolting to her, then there was no need for me to get involved in all of this drama that seemed to be surrounding her. It was as good of an excuse as any.

"I just… I need to make some copies." She looked up at me, her eyes carefully avoiding mine as she held up the crumpled paper. "Would you mind?"

"Why would I… oh." My shoulders slumped forward and I sighed heavily. That was still my office. "No, not at all."

"Esme keeps her promises," she offered, her voice a little lighter than before. "Your office will definitely be done by the end of the week."

I smirked at her and nodded, watching as she hastily turned on her heel and took off out of the office. Sighing, I reached up and ran my hand through my hair once more, unsure of whether or not she'd jump through the ceiling if I followed her.

Like I was actually going to work in there anyway. I'd discovered that my elbow was extremely sensitive to the lightest touch this morning when I had used it to slam the refrigerator door closed and was in no hurry to make it any worse than it already was.

Quickly slipping through the lobby and through the doorway, I walked the few short steps to the office door and pushed through it, quickly walking over to where Angela had been sitting the day before and placing my briefcase on the counter.

We'd worked together fine before Tanya had shown up yesterday. There was no reason why we couldn't do so again.

I eyed the door anyway, slowly sitting down in the chair before flipping open the locks on my briefcase and pulling out the files I hadn't gotten to last night. I grabbed another pen from the smiley mug in front of me, pushing my briefcase onto Alice's side and resting my elbows on the counter.

"Fuck!" I yelped, dropping the pen, twisting in the chair and carefully cradling my over-sensitive elbow in my hand.

"You all right?"

I looked up, my bottom lip caught tightly between my teeth to see that Bella was cautiously standing in the doorway, the fresh copies in her hands.

"Sore," I squeaked.

She nodded, setting the copies down on her side of the counter before turning and walking out of the room again. I released my bottom lip from my teeth, huffing and gently rubbing my elbow.

Okay, maybe we couldn't work together after all.

Turning back to the files, I let go of my elbow and picked up the pen, resting my other hand in my lap as I flipped open the top and started writing down the notes that should've been done by now.

"Here."

I jumped, turning to find that Bella was standing next to Alice's seat, a small square of beige fabric in her hand. I looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged innocently, licking her lips and holding it out to me.

"Put it underneath your elbow," she said quietly. "It won't hurt as much to lean on it."

I dropped the pen again, reaching out and taking it from her. She quickly snatched her hand away the minute I had a grip on it and took a step back, offering me a nervous smile before turning around and walking over to her chair. I stared at the back of her head as she sat down, blinking rapidly and really fucking confused.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Mhmm."

I set the fabric on the counter, carefully resting my elbow on it as I turned back to my files. It still hurt, but it wasn't as bad as it had been on the bare surface. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I once again picked up the pen and looked down at the papers in front of me.

We worked in silence until I heard an annoying, twangy, muffled song coming from somewhere on her side of the office and looked up as she sighed.

"Go away Jake, damn," she whispered, snatching her purse up from the floor underneath the counter. "I don't wanna talk to you."

I held back a snort and watched as she pulled an orange phone from her purse, immediately hitting one of the buttons on the side and thankfully cutting off the person singing about tractors of all fucking things.

"Boyfriend?"

She snorted and I couldn't help the smirk that lifted one corner of my mouth. Something about the way she snorted always left me feeling amused. There hadn't been very many women in my life who would willingly let anyone hear them sound so un-lady like.

I thought it was all bullshit. Sound however you want; it's not gonna matter in the grand scheme of things.

"Right," she grumbled. "No. He's the best friend that won't stop calling."

"Ever think of answering the phone?" I asked innocently.

"To listen to him kiss my ass and make himself feel better about what he said to me? No," she snorted, throwing the phone back into her purse before shoving it back underneath the counter.

"Well, what'd he say?"

I turned around completely, once again abandoning the charts I needed to fill out to kick my legs out in front of me and cross my ankles.

She was quiet for a while and I sighed softly, shaking my head and pulling my legs back. Right. Let's not clue in the new guy to anything going on.

"He said that he didn't know me anymore," she finally said softly, "and that he couldn't live with me like this anymore."

So something had happened to make her like this. She hadn't always been this way.

"Oh."

"And he was supposed to be the one person outside of my family that didn't judge me for anything." She laughed humorlessly and I found myself swallowing hard at the pain laced through her voice. "Shows what I know."

"I'm sure he…"

"Do you want some coffee?" she asked abruptly, quickly standing up and walking out of the room without waiting for my answer.

"Sure," I answered to the empty room. "Black, two sugars. Thanks."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the charts, snatching the pen up once again and shaking my head.

And that was the exact fucking reason why I should never try befriending my co-workers.

~*~

I ended up standing outside of the front office door again at the end of the day, my files in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other as I looked cautiously down the hallway.

Tanya had been throwing innuendos at me every chance she got and I really didn't want to be vulnerable enough to be alone in a room with her at any point during the rest of my life.

I was going to get some work done today, damn it. And I was not going to do it in the supply room with that damn copier laughing at me each time I hit my elbow on it. At this rate, I was going to have a permanent mark on me from the side of it.

I tapped my knuckles against the door before pushing it open a little with the toe of my shoe, poking my head in to see Bella sitting there with her hands in her hair and her eyes wide at the computer screen.

"You okay?" I asked quietly, pushing through the door.

"Every damn day," she mumbled, pulling her hands from her hair and framing the computer monitor. "It's like the printer knows when I need to print this out for tomorrow morning and it doesn't want to work!"

I laughed and relaxed from the tense position I hadn't realized I'd been standing in. I wasn't sure why I was tense the minute I walked in here and saw her – maybe I'd been subconsciously preparing myself for a mental breakdown of some sort. She sure looked like she might be on the verge of one half the time.

"Is it installed properly?"

"It's been working fine all day!" she exclaimed, slapping one hand down onto the top of it. "But the minute I'm alone with it and have to print out the patient sheets for tomorrow morning, it stops working!"

She hit it again and I laughed, quickly walking over to Angela's side of the room to set my stuff down before walking over to her. She moved out of the way, sliding her chair away from me and I bit back a sigh as I lifted the lid of the printer.

Well, at least she was talking to me and initiating conversation today. I really couldn't ask – and shouldn't expect – more than that.

"That wasn't there before!" she insisted when I started laughing at the obvious paper jam. "It was working fine!"

"Okay."

"I swear!"

"I believe you!" I laughed, grabbing the mangled piece of paper from the wheel in the printer and yanking it out.

It immediately started printing the sheet she needed and I looked over at her, pressing my lips together when I saw her face burn red and her eyes narrow at the printer.

"I hate this thing!" she exclaimed, slapping her hand on the top of the printer and snapping it closed. "And it hates me!"

"I'm sure it doesn't hate you."

She looked up at me, her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed.

"That was not there before! It's… magic! Or something! It hates me!"

"Okay," I nodded, clearing my throat to keep from laughing again.

"Thank you," she finally managed, huffing before turning back and facing her computer screen again.

"You're welcome."

I went back to Angela's space and sat down in her chair, grabbing a pen and tapping it against my lips as I smirked at the back of Bella's head.

Against my better judgment, I wanted to know what had happened to her. I wanted to know what had made her supposed best friend say those things to her and what had happened to make her the way she was now. Why she flinched away from me, couldn't look into my eyes for more than a few seconds at a time, or seemed to struggle to be natural with me unless she was pissed off at the printer.

I wanted to know why the girl sitting across the room from me, still mumbling and cursing under her breath, merely seemed to be a shell of the girl that I saw in the picture with the blonde guy wrapped around her. She was definitely nowhere near as happy as she had been in that picture and fuck it all, I wanted to know why.

I might regret that later, but for now, I wanted to know.

Shaking my head at myself, I turned back to my work and actually managed to get through two files before Tanya showed up, sat down in Alice's seat and asked me to her place for dinner.

"Are you ready, Edward?" Bella asked, quickly shutting her computer down and grabbing her purse from the floor.

I think I might love this girl.

"Again?" Tanya screeched, actually stomping her foot and balling her hands into fists as she jumped up from the chair.

"Yes," I said quickly, nodding as I set the finished files to the side and gathered the other ones, sticking them in my briefcase and standing up.

As I looked up at her, with the too-tight colorful M&M scrubs, too much make-up slapped onto her face and the pout on her incredibly thin lips, I couldn't even muster up the apology I should've spouted off to her.

"Showing him around," Bella said, standing up straight once her computer was off. "He needs someone who won't try to infect his goods every second."

"So he'd rather take the damaged, broken, stone cold bitch?" Tanya hissed.

I watched the color drain from Bella's face and quickly stepped in between them, placing my hand on the small of Bella's back and starting to push her towards the door.

"Maybe some other time, Tanya," I said quietly, having to put actual force behind my hand in order to get Bella moving.

It was like she was stuck there, her eyes centered on Tanya's face and her hands clutching onto the strap of her purse so tightly that her knuckles were white.

"If she doesn't break you too," she sniffed, turning on her heel and stalking out of the office.

I led Bella out into the lobby and over to the door, stepping away from her to grab my coat and hand hers to her when she merely stared at the wall in front of us.

"Bella?" I asked softly, gently tapping her arm. "Bella, your coat."

She kept staring at the wall as she finally dropped her hands from her purse strap and reached out, her hands shaking as she took her coat from me. I slowly shrugged mine on, watching as her purse fell from her shoulder and landed on the floor with a thud. I picked up my briefcase, carefully watching as she slowly shrugged her coat on and bent down to retrieve her purse, her eyes never leaving the wall.

Hell, I don't even think she blinked.

I let her walk in front of me as I opened the door, nervously staring at the back of her head as we walked out into the frigid night air.

It hadn't snowed yet, but the temperature had dropped considerably and the cold wind was biting as it whipped around, sending Bella's long hair up around her face.

"Do you want to get some coffee?" I asked softly, taking one large step so that I was next to her.

"No," she answered, her voice extremely quiet and withdrawn as she shook her head. "Thank you."

"Are you okay to drive home?"

"Fine."

"Bella, I…"

"Bells!"

I looked up when I heard a deep voice coming from the parking lot to see a tall man with long black hair standing next to an ancient car parked by Bella's Neon. He was wearing a dark blue jacket and greasy blue jeans, one of his hands raised above his head as he took a step forward.

"I have to go," she said quietly, her voice still detached. "Thank you, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

I watched as she walked over to the man with her head down and her hands clutching onto her purse strap. I fought against the urge to follow her and dug my keys out of my jacket pocket, taking slow, measured steps towards my own car and watching out of the corner of my eye as the two of them talked.

Her head was down, her eyes on the ground as she stood in front of him. His hands were on her shoulders and his head was bowed a little, his eyes undoubtedly trained on the top of her head.

Maybe he was the best friend she'd been avoiding this morning. It was easy to tell when a guy was trying to apologize to a girl in his life – I'd done my fair share of it in the past and could easily recognize the signs.

Sucking in a deep breath, I shook my head and finally unlocked my car, throwing my briefcase into the back and plopping into the driver's seat. I stuck the key in the ignition and leaned back in the seat, still watching out of the window as Bella nodded and let the guy wrap his arms around her shoulders.

She turned her face in my direction as she rested her head on his chest, her arms limply hanging off his waist, and I cringed. She just looked so… broken and defeated; like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders without any hope of it letting up.

I grabbed the steering wheel and tapped my fingers against it, watching as she backed away from him and crossed her arms over her chest, her head still bowed as she nodded.

I don't know why I was still sitting here. I had no rational reason to still be sitting here and watching the two of them make amends. I could be halfway home and maybe working on the files that never seemed to get done the way they should've, but instead I was sitting here, watching my co-worker.

Maybe I was the stalker.

"Fuck, Edward," I breathed, gripping the steering wheel tightly and shaking my head. "Go home. Put the car in gear and go home."

I dropped my hand to the gearshift in between the two seats and put my foot on the brake, my eyes still trained on Bella as she shook her head and finally looked up at him. I licked my lips, shook my head and shoved the car into drive, slowly lifting my foot from the brake. I stopped when I saw the guy lean forward and kiss her forehead before disappearing into his car and driving off without a second glance at her. I watched as Bella leaned against the front bumper of her car once his car was out of sight, one hand rubbing her forehead while the other wrapped tightly around her waist.

Sucking in a deep breath, I pulled up in front of her and stopped, pressing the automatic button on the panel next to me and rolling down the window. And my jaw dropped when she merely took one step forward, grabbed the door handle and climbed into the car on her own.

"Do you," she started and I watched as she looked up, her eyes trained on our building, "do you still want to go for coffee?"

She looked down at her hands in her lap, her purse still hanging off her shoulder and I saw her start to gnaw on her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry, we can-"

She reached for the door handle and I quickly locked the doors, rolling up the window and shaking my head.

"No, we can go. But can you, uh…" I cleared my throat as I cranked the heat. "Can you tell me how to get there?"

She snorted quietly and I smirked, pulling up to the exit of the parking lot and waiting for her to give me the directions.

The short car ride to the small café she directed me to was silent except for when she spoke up about where I needed to turn and I parked on the side of the street, quickly unlocking the doors as she reached for the handle. I pocketed my keys as I got out of the car and walked over to her side, closing the door behind her as she climbed out and stood off to the side.

We walked in silence up to the front door and I let her go in first, stepping into the warm building and looking around at the crowded café filled with every type of person I could've ever possibly imagined existed. Obvious artists, coffee fiends and people with bright pink streaks in their hair were prominent as they littered the round tables. But the environment was welcoming and comfortable as we walked up to the counter. People looked up when they heard the door open but quickly went back to whatever they were doing or whomever they were talking to; no one stared as we walked by them.

"Go get a table," she said quietly, pulling her purse in front of her as we got in line behind a few people. "I've got this."

"No, Bella, I've got it," I said quickly, shaking my head and reaching for my wallet.

"Edward," she said quietly, looking up at me. "I'm sorry about this morning."

Huh?

"Black coffee, two sugars," she said quietly before turning her back to me.

Oh.

My jaw hit the floor and all I could do was turn and walk to the first empty table I saw over in a corner, slowly shaking my head in stunned silence as I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it on the high-backed chair. I slid up onto it, resting my elbow on the tabletop – quickly remembering that my other one still wasn't up to par quite yet – and rested my chin in my hand as I watched Bella move up in the line. She was looking down at her feet, stubbing her toe into the line in the unique stone flooring and only looking up long enough to see when the line was moving up.

I couldn't even begin to explain to myself why she'd changed her mind. I'd only planned on asking her if she was really all right to drive home when I pulled up to her; I hadn't been expecting anything else.

If I'd learned anything about her in the two days that I'd been working in the same office as her, it was that I couldn't expect anything when it came to her. She was the biggest mystery I'd ever encountered and in all honestly, I wasn't sure what the hell to do with her.

She was always surprising me. I didn't think that she'd talk to me at all this morning when I walked in and then she initiates an actual conversation. I'd been hoping, but not expecting, for her to save me a second time if Tanya showed up and she thankfully had. She'd shot me down for my invitation to coffee the first time; I wasn't expecting her to take it back and be the one to flip it around on me.

And I sure as hell hadn't realized that she'd heard my coffee preference this morning. Now I kind of felt like an asshole for being sarcastic. She wasn't supposed to hear it.

I watched as she finally made it up to the counter and quietly ordered our drinks, having to repeat to the barista a few times, it looked like. She handed over her money when all was said and done and I noticed that her cheeks were flushed red and she was fiddling with her purse strap as she waited for her change.

I continued to watch as she squirmed in her spot, anxiously looking around the café and carefully avoiding my eyes each time she looked in my direction. I tapped my fingertips against my thigh, twisting my lips to the side as I watched her.

She didn't seem to be very comfortable in her own skin. Like she was perpetually nervous and slightly twitchy around a group of people that she didn't know or in a group that was too big.

The barista finally handed her our drinks and I sat up straight as she walked over to me, setting the cups on the table before placing her purse next to them and shrugging out of her jacket. She jumped up into the chair and slid one of the cups over to me before wrapping her hands around hers and staring down at it.

"So was that your best friend?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, licking her bottom lip before lifting the cup to her mouth.

"He apologized."

"You forgave him?"

She nodded again, setting the cup back on the table and turning it in circles.

"He said that he was just having a bad day."

"You believed him?"

She scoffed and shook her head, looking over her shoulder and licking her bottom lip again before pressing her lips together.

"No," she said quietly, looking back down at her hands.

"So why'd you forgive him?"

She shrugged one shoulder and looked up at me briefly before averting her gaze to the wall behind me.

"He's my best friend," she said in an almost whisper. "Best friends always forgive each other, right?"

"Unless they're in the wrong which he apparently was."

She shook her head again, taking a deep breath and tapping her fingernails against the lid to her coffee cup.

"But he wasn't," she whispered. "I deserved what he said."

I rolled my tongue along my teeth and finally picked up my own coffee cup, sipping from it and very impressed that it was actually good before setting it back down and leaning in to her. I watched her eyes dart to mine quickly, alarm clear in them before she seemed to force herself to relax and looked down at her coffee cup again. I brought my other arm up to the table, carefully keeping the weight off my elbow.

"Why don't you tell me about this guy?" I suggested, wrapping my hands around my coffee cup.

"Why do you wanna know?" she asked quietly, her voice slightly defensive.

Huh. He could hurt her, make her feel like shit and with one easy apology, she was clearly back on his side. A-fucking-mazing.

Well, she was nothing if not a completely loyal and protective best friend to someone who may or may not deserve it.

I wonder if she was like that with her boyfriends.

I shook my head, cleared my throat and shifted in my seat.

Don't care.

"Maybe I can shed some light on your situation." I picked up my coffee and took a sip from it, eyeing her over the rim. "Give you a fresh perspective, if you will."

"What are you? A therapist?" she laughed nervously and shifted uneasily in her seat.

"I thought about it, but I like being able to have a simple conversation with people without reading too much in to everything they say." I leaned back in my seat, watching as her shoulders relaxed. "I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to, Bella."

"Aren't you the least bit curious about what Tanya said?" she asked in a rush, looking at me briefly before looking down at her coffee cup again.

Fuck yes I was. But with as twitchy as she was around me on a daily basis, there was no way I was going to make it worse at this moment. She'd asked me to coffee – in a roundabout way – and I wasn't going to ruin it.

"When – or if – you ever get around to telling me, I'll listen. But I won't ask if you don't want me to know."

I heard her small sigh and covered my smirk with my coffee cup.

I was getting there. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why the fuck I was so smug and satisfied about it.

Don't care.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her tongue poking out of her mouth to lick her bottom lip again.

I merely nodded at her, drumming my fingertips against my cup.

"I met him in college," she started softly, her eyes trained on her hands as she played with the lid. "We clicked immediately, even though we're complete opposites."

"Did you two ever date?"

"No." She smirked and shook her head. "I had a mild crush on him, but he never felt that way about me." She flicked her thumbnail on the bottom edge of her cup. "No one ever does."

Her voice was even quieter and the pain was back. I shifted again in my seat and she sighed, shaking her head once.

"He was so easy to talk to and we were quickly each other's best friend. He knew everything about me and vice versa." She took a deep breath. "Then we finished college – it was a technical college and we were out in under a year – and Jake met Jean a few months ago." She smiled softly. "She hates me and has created a very big rift in our relationship. We're not the same anymore." She shook her head. "He left to go see her after he apologized." She snorted and lifted the coffee to her lips. "She had a dinner party planned for their families and the best friend just doesn't count as much as she used to."

"You shouldn't have forgiven him," I said evenly, shaking my head. "He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. He doesn't deserve to have you as a friend if he's going to run back to her when you're clearly hurting."

She flinched and I sucked in a deep breath.

Too much, Edward.

"I’m always hurting," she whispered, her eyes – while avoiding mine – looking the exact same as they had the first day I'd met her. "He's used to it."

"Well, then he should be helping you through it instead of running off to her. Bro's before ho's."

Her eyes snapped to mine and held, staring at me for what felt like an eternity before her lips quirked into a smile and she started laughing. It wasn't sarcastic by any means and I couldn't hold back the smile that immediately lit up my face as I listened to her. Her laugh wasn't anything like I'd expected; it was loud and squeaky, spiking higher the longer she laughed.

"You all right?" I asked, laughing a little as she placed a hand over her mouth and leaned back in her chair.

She nodded, waving me off with her other hand and taking a deep breath, blowing it back out and pressing her lips together.

"Sorry."

I shook my head, still chucking a little as I lifted the cup to my lips again.

"Don't apologize."

She sucked in another breath and blew it back out again before dropping her hand, leaning forward and grabbing her cup.

"It used to be that way," she continued, nodding slightly. "He dated a few girls in college and he kind of did the same thing to me then, but it wasn't as bad as this. Jean's got her claws in deep, I guess." She shrugged one shoulder, back to avoiding my eyes as she sipped from her cup. "I've never been enough to make anyone stay for long."

I raised an eyebrow at her and tapped my fingers on the top of the table.

"What do you-?"

"Too soon," she said quickly and quietly, leaning forward a little so that her hair fell in front of her face.

Progress. At least she was talking to me and telling me when I should keep my mouth shut – albeit in a very nice way – instead of darting from the room as she'd done this morning.

"Sorry," I said quietly, nodding and wrapping my hands around my cup again.

"It's not you, Edward," she sighed heavily, shaking her hair away from her face and briefly looking at me, "it's me."

It was my turn to laugh and I watched a small smile light up her face as she brushed her hair completely over her shoulder and stared directly at my nose.

"Breaking up with me, are you?" I asked, shaking my head and smiling at her.

She snorted and rolled her eyes, smirking at me.

"I meant it in all seriousness, you know."

I shrugged one shoulder and lifted my coffee cup again.

"I know."

She nodded, her eyes shifting back to the wall behind me as she began to gnaw on the plastic top of her coffee cup.

"You're wasting your time," she said after a few moments of semi-comfortable silence.

"With?" I asked evenly, raising my eyebrow as I watched her slowly set the cup back on the table and lean back in the chair, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Talking to me."

"Why do you say that?"

I leaned in again, watching her jaw tense and her arms seem to tighten around her middle as I did so. I bit back the urge to sigh and waited as her eyes roamed the wall behind me.

"I don't trust you."

I blinked at her. Wasn't expecting that. Wasn't expecting the stab to the gut that accompanied her words, either, but there it was.

Well, I couldn't fault her for being honest at least.

"Oh."

"It's not…"

She took a deep breath and leaned in as well, our knuckles barely an inch apart as she wrapped her hands around her cup. The tattoo on her wrist caught my eye again as her sleeves pulled back and I was only able to make out that it was letters, or maybe a saying of some sort twisted into a design in black ink. It wasn't big at all and obviously easily hidden for when she needed to be at work.

I looked up at her face as she began speaking again, reminding myself to ask her about it when I got another chance.

If there ever was another chance. She seemed very intent on keeping me at a distance.

"I don't trust anyone new. And I very rarely trust men." She looked up and met my eyes. "I'm a pain in the ass, Edward, and you're just wasting your time trying to get to know me."

I licked my lips and nodded.

"Tell me this," I said quickly, watching as her eyes darted away from me again. "What woman isn't a pain in the ass?"

She raised an eyebrow but kept her gaze on the wall and her hands firmly around her cup.

"Honestly. Every woman that I've ever had in my life has been a royal pain in my ass. Including my own mother. And you may not trust me now, but I'm not so sure that I trust you yet either. So," I said easily, leaning back in the chair and tapping my fingertips against the table, "even trade."

She slid her eyes back to mine and I watched as she smirked, her shoulders relaxing as she sat up a little straighter in the chair and let her hands fall to her lap.

"Okay."

"So, since we're not trusting each other," I started, clearing my throat and shifting in my seat, "would you want to not trust each other tomorrow after work?"

"Doing what?" she mumbled, one of her eyes narrowing at me.

I shrugged and looked around.

"This?"

She started chewing on her bottom lip and I inwardly sighed, shaking my head.

"Never-"

"Okay," she said quickly, her hands gripping the edge of the table tightly. "I, uhm, yeah. That'd be… I could… we could…"

"Bella, you don't have to."

"No, I want to," she said, nodding once and pursing her lips. "I…" She tilted her head, a strange look on her face. "I want to."

"We don't have to if you really don't want to."

"No." She shook her head, sucking in another deep breath and looking up to meet my eyes. "I want to."

I nodded, smirking a little at her before she looked down at her cup.

"Okay, then." I tapped my fingertips against the top of the table again, twisting my lips to the side and watching as she fidgeted. "Can I ask you a question?"

"No promises that I'll answer it, but yeah, sure."

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug, playing with the plastic top of her coffee cup again.

"You don't trust me, but you got into my car."

"You don't trust me, but this was the second time you offered to take me somewhere after work," she countered quickly, her eyebrow quirked up as she looked up at me again.

I grinned and nodded, leaning back in the chair.

"Touché."

She nodded, fidgeting with her cup and chewing on her bottom lip.

"Thank you," she finally said quietly, looking up at me briefly before looking back down at her hands.

"For what?"

She was the one that had saved me from Tanya and paid for my coffee; what was she thanking me for?

"For this."

"Well, you're welcome," I mumbled, shifting in my seat. "Thanks for saving me from Tanya two days in a row. And for the coffee." I toasted her with my half-empty coffee cup. "I'll buy tomorrow."

She nodded and sucked in a deep breath, lifting her coffee cup to her lips again.

We spent another fifteen minutes in a slightly tense and awkward silence before we finished off our coffee and decided to head out. I drove her back to her car, pulling up next to the driver's side door and shifting into park.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said, clearing my throat and looking over at her.

She looked up at me quickly, offering me a small smile before she grabbed her purse from the floor and grabbed the door handle.

"Tanya won't give up," she said quietly, facing the window. "And if you ever need an excuse, I'm always a good one."

"You're not an excuse if we're really going to do something tomorrow after work."

She shrugged before pushing open the car door and stepping out.

"We'll see," she said quietly before stepping out of the way of the door. "Thank you."

She closed the door behind her and I watched, waiting until she got into her car and drove away before closing my eyes and resting my head back against the headrest.

I didn't want to care. I didn't want to care about that damn tattoo on her wrist, or why she was so easily accepting of an apology that she shouldn't have rightly given. I didn't want to care about why she couldn't look me in the eye for longer than a minute at tops and I didn't want to care about why she said that I was wasting my time talking to her.

But I did.

And I hated it.

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